Woman REFUSES to side with friend after she sends lewd pics to her husband. AITA?
When this woman is furious with her husband and friend, she asks Reddit:
"AITA For not siding with my friend after she sent topless pics to my husband?"
I (f39) have been with my husband (m45) for 21 years. My friend "Rebecca" (f46) and I have been friends for 16 years. I recently found out about an affair my husband has been having on and off for the past 5 years. Long story short, I told him he needed to come clean to me about EVERYTHING and a LOT came out in the wash.
Rebecca is chronically poor, has trouble making rent, has faced homelessness because of it. She borrowed some money from my husband and asked if she could have more time to pay it back. He said he would forgive the debt for topless pics. Instead of coming to me, she did it.
Over the course of the next year, there were several more "trades", some initiated by her. He was giving her a lot of money for them, like $200 a pop.
When he came clean, I confronted Rebecca. She immediately took zero responsibility and sent me a long AI generated letter about how she's helped me in the past by watching my kids and visiting me in the hospital, that he took advantage of her impossible situation and even told her she was helping save my marriage (which he did say), that she was being "seggstorted".
I know he took advantage of and manipulated her, but I still feel hurt and betrayed by her and especially him. I kicked him out (he has been lying and unfaithful for years and slept with my best friend 7 years ago) and wrote her off. She's not the brightest and I could see how she could fall for his lies.
I do feel sorry for her on some level, but she should have come to me. I told her I want nothing to do with her and blocked her. Some say I should have shown more compassion to her and blamed only my ex, that she really didn't have a choice.
ETA: I literally just found out about ALL the cheating and I kicked him out. I didn't know about the friend 7 years ago but I suspected. They both made me feel like I was crazy. I am not going to take him back. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
hankell writes:
NTA. Both of these people suck and don't deserve any more of your time. The fact that she was in a really difficult situation doesn't mean she had no choice. She opted to perform seggs work with your husband behind your back in order to make ends meet and has to live with the consequences of that choice.
adilop writes:
NTA. Doesn't matter that your husband is gross. She's the one who betrayed you. It's a separate betrayal from your husband.
I mean, jfc, if my friend came to me and told me that she'd borrowed money from my husband, couldn't pay it back, and my husband was asking for nudes instead of money?
The last thing I would be worried about is the debt. Hell, she probably could have gone to the police. Literally anything except send them. And then do it over and over.
The minute she did it more than once, the minute she borrowed money knowing she'd pay it back with pics, it stopped being seggstortion and moved into flat out seggs work. There's generally nothing wrong with seggs work...except when you're literally friends with the wife.
superbluecat writes:
NTA. Of course your husband was wrong but your ex-friend was wrong, too. If she was any friend of yours, she should have told you what your husband was up to instead of taking advantage of the situation to get the money she needed.
I can see how she might have been desperate but at the same time, it tells you that money is always going to come before friendship with her.
And it's clear that she was never planning to come clean to you as long as she could get money from your husband. For all you know, she will still go to him in the future.