Husband tells wife her birthday gift is baseball tickets, she loses it. CONCLUDED
"WIBTA if I reject my husbands 'gift'?"
(Poster deleted their 'throw away' account)
My husband (28) and I (27F) have birthdays during the same week. I am big on birthdays, so for my husband's, I often go all out, and he also does a great job with my birthday most of the time. I do not expect the same level as I give because I know I do a lot.
For my husband's birthday this year, I threw a big party for him. People flew in from other states, and I got it catered, and it was so fun. I also spent a LOT of money and time on it.
I was planning it for months. I also got him a very nice gift that is something he will definitely use. He showed everyone at the party because it really was perfect, lol. So my birthday comes. I wake up, and he's golfing. Then he gets home and tells me the plan for my birthday is to go to a bakery and a bookstore.
I was starving, so we got brunch first. Then we go to the bookstore, and I left my credit card at work, so I had no money and asked if he'd get a book for me for my birthday, and he originally said no, but eventually he relented.
Then we go to the bakery, and I got a coffee and a few treats. It was kind of a serve-yourself type of place, and every time I picked up an item, he got annoyed about the cost and made a comment. It was NOT an expensive bakery.
The average item cost $2-3, and I got 3 items, lol. We also got a slice of cake to share. I went to the bathroom and got back, and he had eaten most of the cake.
The day was very nice, but I was kinda sad about the lack of effort and then the constant complaining about the cost of things. (Now is a good time to mention we don't struggle with money in the slightest).
So then he mentions my birthday present. I was very clear on what I wanted for my birthday -- tickets to my fav artist. And no, not Taylor Swift. I told him like 5 times. You could get very good seats for about $60-70 per person.
So he tells me I'll get my gift on Friday, and it's an event, and he wants to keep it a surprise. And Friday is the day of the concert, so I got super excited expecting tickets. Well, long story short, I find out my gift is attending a baseball game. I was immediately annoyed because I HATE baseball (sorry, baseball fans).
Everyone knows I hate baseball. And he also hates it! I would rather just not get a gift at all than pretend to enjoy sitting through a whole baseball game...So WITBA if I told him I don't want my 'gift'?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
He probably got free tickets to the baseball game.
My wife said that too, and it makes sense since there is no way he’d have purchased them himself. Skuzzy.
NTA, but it sounds like he doesn’t even like you. Who gets annoyed at a few bakery items when you just planned a whole get together for him? Ugh.
NTA. He didn’t want to buy you a book or some pastries. Even if it wasn’t your birthday, that’s shit behavior on his part. It seems like he’s not that into you.
I mean, even if it's not your partner's birthday, you can buy them three pastries on a day they forgot their wallet! Particularly since she says they're not struggling for money. At this point the birthday and the budget and the gift are all irrelevant.
On point! He’s whining about buying a book and some pastries???? That should be a given on any day, let alone on her birthday. He sounds like an a**.
The next day, the OP returned with an updated.
I was not going to post an update, but my original post got a lot more comments than I anticipated, so I am.
First, a clarification -- my husband did not tell me the gift was a baseball game. He keeps a list of reminders, and when I was cleaning, I saw a reminder that said '[My Name]'s birthday gift - get tickets, baseball game.' So I had assumed it was a baseball game.
Also, another thing I want to add is I absolutely LOVE surprises. Which is the reason everything surrounding my birthday was so hush-hush because my husband knows I love the anticipation.
Anyways, he brings it up tonight, and I finally ask if he will just tell me what the surprise is. And it was NOT a baseball game, lol. It's an adventurous activity-type gift that I have been wanting to do forever.
(I'm being purposefully vague because this is a throwaway). Think skydiving or bungee jumping. It also comes with dinner at my favorite restaurant.
It's a VERY expensive date evening for us, as it'll cost over $1,000. And as much as I wanted to go to the concert, this tops it by 100. The reason the reminder mentioned baseball is that the activity doesn't run when there is a game.
I also brought up my actual birthday, and he apologized for it. He told me he was so focused on planning the surprise and was treating that as my birthday celebration that he didn't realize I wanted him to plan something for my actual birthday.
He scrambled and just picked out some of my favorite things to do. He also apologized for being very cost-focused and explained that he was concerned because of the cost of the real gift. We don't struggle with money, but we do have a budget we both make together and follow, and we also set limits for how much we spend on gifts and holidays.
I'm sure a lot of people will still call him horrible and selfish, but it really was a bad case of him trying to plan a fun surprise for me and keeping it a surprise because he knows that's what I'd want, and me making assumptions and not communicating, and him not communicating because of the surprise. Very middle school sitcom.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this update:
I am sooo curious as to what this “adventure activity” is and why on earth it doesn’t run specifically during baseball games.
They release a bunch of hungry wildlife in the stadium and paying guests get to play dodge-the-famished-bear for a few hours. Obviously they can’t do that during a game.
I mean, they tried, but it wasn’t popular and having to pay for getting even second-string major leaguers eaten adds up fast. Look up “Second Most Dangerous Game” on YouTube!
NTA
Is he trying to break up with you?
playing golf (which takes the whole morning)
annoyed at spending money on you (on your birthday, especially bad, I don’t care if it was also his birthday nearby)
lackluster events for the day
ate almost all of the cake
tickets to an event NEITHER OF YOU LIKE
This is like… purposefully mean.
NAH
I had something similar where I bought (and gave) an engagement ring in January and just… mentally skipped valentines. She did something for me, which was thoughtful and special, but I felt like I dropped the ball in retrospect by not doing ANYTHING.
Stress, planning, miscommunication, and a little bit of misunderstanding what OP saw on his phone added up to the kerfuffle here. Seems he had no intention of making her feel that way, and he’ll probably make a mental note to do something special on her actual birthday in addition to any surprises around it.
I hope they have a great time on the adventure!
i get that they budget and the actual gift was somewhat expensive but why would you complain abt an extra $6 to $9 dollars spent on the actual day of the birthday?
The lesson I learnt: 'Always wait for the surprise to actually happen before assuming something else and posting on Reddit giving a bunch of strangers chance to badmouth your spouse.'
And, what's with the You deserve better and He doesn't like you comments on the original post?
I’m glad for OP that her actual birthday present was good, but the way he behaved on her actual birthday was still sh*tty.
Even if he went over budget it doesn’t sound like an extra $30 on a book and bakery treats was going to break the bank, and she seemed to genuinely think the day was her birthday present until she found the reminder, because he didn’t tell her anything.
Just a simple “hey, I know tomorrow is your birthday but I’m planning to celebrate it on Friday” would have prevented this whole issue, and not have made her feel ignored and resented on her actual birthday.