Woman reminds SIL, 'I'm doing you a FAVOR by being your MOH.' AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with having to be her SIL's maid of honor, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for reminding my soon-to-be SIL that I am doing her a favor?"
My (29f) brother “Oliver” (32m) is marrying “Jane” (32f) in the the new year. Jane asked me to be her maid of honour which I wasn’t really happy about because I’m busy and don’t live close by, nor am I close with her, but she begged and said she isn’t close with her family and she really wanted me to do it so I agreed.
I have planned several events at her behest - her fittings, and her venue, tasting, flower, and musician appointments, all very well organised and in a timely manner. I have also organised her bridal shower, which will take place in January.
Jane has micromanaged everything I’ve done, and complained to the point that several times I’ve considered telling her to just do it herself. I am very good at organising things and I know for a fact I have done things well and properly and within the specifications that she has given me so I’ve been really annoyed at her constant attitude.
Last night we were at a family dinner and Jane brought up the shower, and once again I went through the checklist with her and told her everything was organised and in place (mind you, she has access to the documents to check all these things herself she just would rather bug me about it apparently).
Jane got snippy and said she felt like I was only doing all this because I “had to”, which really set me off. I told her under now circumstances did I have to, that I was doing her a favour and she should remember that this is a courtesy not an obligation before she treats me like an indentured servant. Jane got very upset and she and Oliver left early.
Oliver called today and said I’d really hurt Jane’s feelings and made her feel indebted to me for doing something that most people consider an honour. I said that’s fine but I never had, in fact I told Jane it would be difficult and she insisted, and I caved to be nice but she’s taking liberties.
Oliver and Jane are now mad at me, and my parents are saying I was too harsh. My bf thinks I did the right thing because he knows how unpleasant this has all been but I’m wondering if I took it too far by emphasising that I didn’t want to do it.
Let's see what readers thought.
otsukaren writes:
NTA. In my opinion, a bride can get a little snippy or a little demanding when it comes to their Maid of Honor - if there's a long, positive relationship. I mean, I could put up with some sherty nonsense from my best friend, but...that's a dude that's been there for me at the worst times, and done a lot of things for me. So it's reciprocity.
For this, for you, though.... basically someone as close as a work acquaintance is asking you for those same privileges without the good parts. If that makes sense. So.... no. She needs to remember what she's asking, and who she's asking, and be grateful she has you.
Hmmm, I wonder why she couldn't ask any of HER friends or family to do it..... does she not have any? Is this kind of thing maybe the reason why?
andsoltgoes writes:
Tell Jane that wedding planners/choreographers get paid quite handsomely. She opted not to hire one. But, that doesn't make you her wedding house elf.
NTA. She would drive me bonkers with all the micromanaging. "I've set some good bones in place. If you want to make changes, I'll turn everything over to you so you can work within your big picture." (And your brother is mistaken if he thinks the maid of honor gives up her life to plan someone's wedding.)
stroppo writes:
NTA for letting your feelings be known. But it's probably going to make it difficult with your brother and wife going forward.