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Woman tells SIL, 'yeah the whole family knows your secret.' AITA?

Woman tells SIL, 'yeah the whole family knows your secret.' AITA?

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When this woman feels guilty for outing her SIL, she asks Reddit:

"AITAH for telling my sister-in-law that the rest of the family knows about the secret she didn’t want to get out?"

Me and my sister-in-law are the only in laws in our husbands family. We are married to the only men in the family, there are 8 other younger girls and one older than us.

So in their giant family we have gotten pretty close especially as support when things get crazy, and they do.

Recently she has been going through something with her parents and I knew it was serious because she wouldn’t even tell me any details. All I knew was she told our mother-in-law and that she was the only one she was sharing this information with.

A week or two to by and my husband finds out and four of the sisters find out as well. I find out about what the secret was from my husband who found out from his dad who didn’t hold back details, very personal details.

Some of the sisters also knew. Now my sister-in-law was the only one who thought this secret was still between her and our MIL. I debated telling her for a while and decided to let her know that a good chunk of the family knew the secret.

I felt like I was lying to her acting like I didn’t know, and that nobody else knew.

I didn’t feel like it was fair that her trust was broken and I felt she deserved to know that her secret wasn’t taken seriously. Now my husband is upset with me, and I’m sure his parents are that I told her about everyone knowing.

They think I added to the drama, and didn’t have a right to tell her when I feel like they were the ones who didn’t have a right to tell. Am I the AH?

Let's see what readers thought.

yousawwhat writes:

You are not the AH and it's disappointing that your husband's and his family all think it was acceptable for the MIL to break her DIL's confidence like this! That's really shitty behaviour, frankly.

And you are right that it's not fair to let your SIL think her secret is safe when actually everyone knows. It also allows her to protect herself in the future by not confiding in such poor confidantes. Take it as good warning for yourself too. NTA.

merrymoose93 writes:

NTA. Your in-laws broke your SIL's confidence and trust. That's wrong on every level. Also, now she knows that she can't trust her in-laws with secrets.

Honestly, I think you did the right thing here. Imagine how hurt you SIL would have been to find out that everyone knew her secret, but no one told her. It would have been especially hurtful to find out that you knew and didn't tell her - that would have ruined your relationship.

Also, someone was bound to slip up and say something to your SIL sooner or later. Better to let her know now so that she can deal with the situation on her own terms.

snoopeg8 writes:

NTA I lost the friend ultimately but still did not regret telling her that people she trusted were lying to her and talking about her behind her back.

Yeah I got blowback and she opted to just drop the whole friend group - but I told her because I wanted her to know who she could trust and who did not have her best interests at heart. I suspect that is why you told your SIL.

It wasn’t to cause trouble. It’s so that she doesn’t make the mistake of trusting MIL again and also so that the betrayal doesn’t cut quite so deep when she inevitably figured out that they knew (no way was that staying a secret).

At least now she found out in private and she knows that not every single member of her in laws were willing to lie to her.

OP adds this update:

I think he's more upset that I didn't talk to him about telling her. I'm sure he would've talked me out of it which is why I didn't. And he just feels like I have now made it harder for my SIL during these already difficult times.

Also he thinks because when I heard that he knew and I asked him what was going on, then I am also a hypocrite for wanting to know... which is fair.

I want to add that only the MIL was told and ALSO the oldest sister (who doesn't live near us). My SIL's husband told the oldest sister and the was known by my SIL. She was then the one to tell four of the other girls. So my MIL only told her husband and my husband, and the older sister told the other girls. (sorry this gets confusing).

So, is OP TA here? What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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