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Woman struggles with setting boundaries around care for boyfriend's young son.

Woman struggles with setting boundaries around care for boyfriend's young son.


A little background. I started dating my bf in the middle of April. At the time he was homeless (working) because his ex had kicked him out and by the end of May he was moved in.

Something to know about why he left his ex, EVERYTHING was put on my bfs shoulders: caring for the dogs they shared on property which is an hour away, being the only one to bring his son (who we'll call B) back and forth, paying taxes and rent for things they owned together, the list goes on.

The first weekend we were living together B's mom asked BF to take him for that time and BF said yes without asking me. I was hesitant but of course I want B here and to be comfortable with his dad. B slept on a bed I made him from my couch cushions and blankets that weekend. On my floor.

So that week I went out and got my nieces old toddler bed and went crazy at Walmart. Since then I have made sure B has his own spot in our room, toys, clothes, food, medicine.

BF and I got into an argument early on where I tried talking to him about setting a schedule that worked for everyone because the randomness at which B would be home with us was starting to effect my sleep (I work third and have to sleep during the day).

The argument made me feel badly because I was accused of not wanting B with us even though I've done everything to make sure he feels as welcome as his father. We now have B Mon, Weds, Fri, and every other weekend at my suggestion.

B is my buddy, I'm constantly overcompensating for the fact I'm not his mom. I even posted into a day shift spot for them so that my sleep won't be an issue in a few weeks.

Yesterday it came up that B probably has the flu and B's grandma (who he got it from) is too sick to watch him. So like two days ago B's mom asked BF to take him some extra days. So we would have him this whole week plus the weekend while still dropping the poor kid back off at the crack of dawn so BF can work and I can sleep.

I reluctantly agreed because I didn't want to be accused of not wanting him here but yesterday after having been cuddled up with him and wiping boogies and vomit, I'm starting to feel sick. I also don't think it's good for a sick two year old to be going back and forth like that and especially not having either parent agree on a sleep/ nap/ or meal schedule.

Normally it would be fine but I work with mentally disabled, elderly patients who are so fragile a cold or UTI can send them to the hospital. I don't want to get sick and expose my patients but I also don't want to make anyone feel like I don't want B around.

I knew what it meant to date a single parent, but I just don't understand why BF attacks me when I try to find a compromise that works for everyone, especially after all I've done to single handedly set up his son's space in our home.

So WIBTAH if I tried to ask him for at least a day this week where I can rest and make sure I'm not sick?

From the comments:

jrm1102 says:

NTA - but you sure are being taken advantage of. You’re not this guys boyfriend, you’re his new nanny. This poor kid.

Alarming_Reply_6286 says:

WNBTA - You have been accommodating, generous & loving and now you are sick. Someone needs to worry about you. This child has a list of people who are responsible for him. You are waaaaay down on that list. Bf needs to step up or get out.

Hot-Shock-4554 says:

Aside from the fact that you let a man you barely know move in with you and bring you into his young son’s life after less than a month of dating… yes, YWBTA.

Annual-Equivalent-86 says:

NTA - I get why you’d want some time to make sure your not going to get ill. But I think your BF is playing you, making you feel bad when you’ve opened your home to his son, and him.

Mountain-Instance921 says:

Soft YTA.

This is what dating someone who has children is about. You have to get used to it or break up with him, kids get sick and WILL get you sick. My wife and i have two myself and between daycare and school, there's runny noses constantly. You either want to deal with this or you don't, but the kid has to stay on schedule.

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