My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months. This is his first Christmas with my family, and in fact, only the second time he's meeting them.
He has 2 kids (11 & 7). I suggested that since this is his first Christmas with my family he might be feeling a little stressed and having the kids there too might not be the best idea. I suggested that he let them spend Christmas with their mom while he attend my family's Christmas alone.
He got offended and took it as if I was hiding/excluding his kids from my family, but I explained not wanting to expose the kids to any awkward moment there between him and my family since it's the first holiday they spend together and they don't know him that much.
He got upset and said he felt sad for the kids because of my suggestion and told me it's his turn to have them this year and he will not spend it away from them. We began to argue and he didn't take my suggestion well. I told him it was just a suggestion, but he told me to stop trying to 'justify' my actions.
He texted later lecturing me about how hurt he was by my suggestion. AITA? I was just trying to make sure he will be comfortable around my family.
Here's the judgement:
Kids will always, and should always come first.
If you think it may be a little awkward maybe you should consider waiting doing Xmas with your family and his kids when you’ve all known each other for longer than 11m.
The way I see it you have two options - a. Have Xmas with your bf and his kids and catch up with your parents afterward b. Let him enjoy his Xmas and catch up with them after ward if you want to be with your fam.
He is a package deal, take it or leave it.
This is exactly why, when I was dating, I refused to date anyone with a kid. I didn’t, personally, want to deal with everything that comes with dating a parent.
My husband refused to date anyone without children, because he didn't think they would want to be around his kids.
Yeah, YTA here, OP. You don't have children yourself yet, do you? I would never want to spend any of the big holidays away from my son while he's a child. Christmas and birthdays especially are a lot of fun for parents and important bonding moments with their children.
I understand that you probably don't understand what you did wrong, so let me explain it. A parent and their children should always be considered a package deal. For your boyfriend, his children always will and should come first. That's before anything.
I kind of understand where your coming from. Your family didn’t really get to know him and then adding 2 more people in the mix who may feel out of place. I don’t think bringing it up was really an AH move, but it’s how you bring it up react to his response afterwards.
No, you're not the asshole. He should take a chill pill and recognize that it is not your intention to take him away from his kids.