Woman surprises boyfriend on 4 yr anniversary; forced to apologize for waking him up.
AITA for waking up my boyfriend to surprise him?
My boyfriend (M30) and I (F33) celebrated our 4-year anniversary this month. As the official day falls on a weekday, we decided that we would do something on the weekend.
As we both work from home and we don’t live together, I wanted to surprise him on the morning of the official date and bring him a little breakfast, a plant (he loves plants) and a box of chocolate.
I arrived at his place at around 9, knocked on the door and he took a little while to open so I assumed he was still asleep. He opened the door with a frown on his face, so I immediately apologized for waking him up and told him I just brought a few gifts for him for our 4-year anniversary.
He just said “okay”, visibly very upset and walked away to his bedroom, letting me stand here with my gifts in hand.
I was kind of shocked that he reacted this way, so I put the things I bought him on the kitchen table and was about to leave, but then I heard some noise in his bedroom and he got back with pants on. I thought he was going to hug me or something but he proceeded to feed his cat and go to the bathroom, while I was waiting by the door.
I was sad about his reaction and started to cry because I was only expecting a little joy from him. He exhaled and told me “what?”, I responded that I was sad that he seemed annoyed by my presence and that I hoped that it would at least make him a little happy that I brought him something for our anniversary.
He told me sarcastically that he was sorry that he didn’t meet my expectations and that I can’t expect him to be happy to see me because I woke him up and he didn’t sleep well.
To be honest, I was not expecting a big celebration from him or even a gift from his part. All I wanted a hug, a kiss, a thank you (the bare minimum) which didn’t happen. We didn’t even get to have a nice breakfast together, because I was in such a bad mood after that, so I left his place.
So, AITA for waking him up to surprise him?
Comments:
QutieLuvsQuails says:
Sometimes people don’t take surprises how you want them to… Especially if you already agree to not celebrate on that day.
MeanderingDuck says:
Not so much sweet as inconsiderate. This is often the problem with surprises: a lot of people seem to do it more for themselves rather than the person they’re surprising. OP should have just discussed having breakfast together beforehand.
SurprisedDuckling says:
I'm not a morning person at all but I'd be thrilled having an SO to surprise me in the morning or anytime. Even when sleepy, appreciation to your SO when they try to do something nice would take priority over frowning and making them cry or regret for doing something nice in the first place. Being sleepy is not an excuse to being a jerk.
CorgiKnits says:
I despise waking up. My husband knows that if anything messes with my sleep, I am an absolute grouch for a few hours after I wake up.
u/SomeoneSomewhere07 Responses from OP to questions people had:
Thank you for all your input. It gave a lot to think about :). I'll try my best to answer all of your questions:
His sleep schedule: he wakes up when he wants as he's a freelancer. He has in fact a history of insomnia which he's currently working on. The days prior to my visit, he told me that he had a regular sleep cycle again and would wake up around 8 or 9. Which is why I didn't consider 9 to be too early at the time.
But I didn't mention that my first intention was to put the presents in his mailbox and text him. I got super excited to see his reaction given the context and everything. But I admit that I should have thought about that harder. I don't usually show up to his place like that, I guess I thought it would be sweet. Does he usually like surprises: yes :)
Keys to his place: I used to have them, but he asked them back after having his cat that he got after his grand mother went to a retirement home. His mom comes and takes care of the cat when he's not home, so that's why I don't have them anymore.
People seem concerned and think it's weird he didn't make another copy, but I don't see it that way. We didn't think about it and I don't see it as a red flag. He's cheating: sorry if I gave any hints like that, but the noise was him drinking water, making his bed and putting his pants on. I trust him.
u/SomeoneSomewhere07 Update from OP:
As for the update, we talked about it and both agreed that we were a little bit AH. I apologized for waking him up after a bad night and getting upset at his reaction, he apologized for making me feel rejected, said that it would have been different if he had slept well and that he was touched by the gesture.