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Woman tells SIL, 'I'm not accommodating your food allergies for XMAS, don't come.' AITA?

Woman tells SIL, 'I'm not accommodating your food allergies for XMAS, don't come.' AITA?


When this woman is annoyed with her SIL's dietary needs during the holidays, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling my SIL that I will not accommodate her food allergies and she doesn’t have to come?"

Usually my mom will host for Christmas but this year she just can’t keep up. My SIL has been in the family for years and in my opinion she is a food snob. She has multiple allergies, nothing life threatening just unpleasant for her.

Since we all understand allergies we make sure to keep everything separate and not cross contaminate. We don’t want to risk her eating something and instead of getting a rash she needs a hospital visit.

Now the reason I think she is a food snob isn’t due to her allergies, it’s nitpicking the dish mom makes each year. I have watched year after year she makes backhanded comments about the food. My mom told me to stay out of I so I did.

Two years ago there was a mess up and it caused a reaction. It was a huge deal and last year my mom wanted her to bring her own dish since she was worried she would mess up again.

This caused a huge fight between them and she threatened to pull the grandkids away if she couldn’t be a good host and give something she could eat. My mom caved. The dinner came and went and she got backhanded comments about the food.

My mom can’t host anymore and none of my brothers were doing it so I stepped up. I gave SIL a call and told her she needs to bring her own meal. I told her I am not experienced handling allergies and I can not guarantee the food will be safe so I will not make her something. I didn’t tell her but the other reason was I don’t want her b&tching about my food.

This caused an argument about me being a horrible host. But she's a bad guest. I made it clear I wouldn’t accommodate her and she doesn’t have to come. My brother is pissed but my mom laughed when I told her. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

dontdoityok writes:

NTA. But I wouldn’t say this is because of her allergies, she threatened your mother with not seeing her grandkids. That’s unacceptable. SIL is not normal. Usually at my family gatherings, everyone brings something.

I’m the only vegetarian so I make sure I bring that. SIL has no right to threaten your mother with not seeing the kids over this. I think someone needs to talk to your brother.

trailertrashdreams writes:

NTA Normally I would say you’re the AH for not accommodating allergies and dietary concerns when you’re hosting something like this. But, it sounds like you all have been accommodating and she has behaved ungraciously. I have many friends with special diets and allergies.

The ones I happily accommodate are the ones who are nice, pleasant, and complimentary. I have one friend who, no matter how hard you try, will always have complaints.

Complaints about what she can’t eat, complaints about what she can, and new allergies that just popped up and forgot to tell me about. So no, I no longer even try with her and tell her she should probably bring her own meal. This isn’t about you not accommodating your SIL, it’s about you SIL being a pain in the ass.

mysteriouswayes writes:

ESH...You down playing allergies is weird... While yes depending on the amount of exposure your symptoms can be minor (Rash, Hives, etc), a High enough dose of any allergen will land you in the hospital. Period.

Thats what allergies do... I'm allergic to fire ants.. If I get bit by one I get a hive at the location... but 50 I'm jabbing myself with an EpiPen waiting on the ambulance... So you are wrong for acting like this is a non issue.

Her freaking out about being asked to bring her own dish and calling people poor host and threatening to cut contact with children is unhinged. I may be wrong but it is far more common place for things like this (especially if it is a large family) to be Pot luck style...

The host is providing the main dish and the Setting (IE House). Apart from that the host gets to decide the remaining factors and delegate as needed. I've hosted 100s of dinners and never once have I been solely responsible for the entire meal.

That is not only an astronomical undertaking but also a huge expense. So for her to be so visceral about this is just weird. And the refusal for her to host is just showing that this is all about the free meal since she will not bring her own stuff. YALL JUST DISFUNCTIONAL.

Looks like the jury's out. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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