Woman tells unemployed BF his mom ruined their relationship entirely. AITA?
'AITA for tearing my bf a new one, after his mother meddled in our relationship?'
I (30F) have been dating my bf (36M) for about 3 years now. he has been living in my apartment which i support exclusively as he is unemployed.
It had been a bad time for him, he lost his job and is a bit depressed and I do whatever I can to support him and help him. But I myself am currently working full time and taking classes on the side to enrich my résumé and open more doors to my future. He is sitting at home all day playing on his computer and totally ignoring me, our home and his whole life.
I don't have a lot of time on my hands to keep up with chores or cook everyday. Last night we visited his folks, and his mother took me aside and basically told me I'm a lesser woman for not taking care of her sweet son, like a real woman owes to, by cleaning and cooking for him every day ,like she did for him and her family. needless to say I was livid!
The whole visit was awkward to say the least, and when we got in the car he asked what was wrong. I stared daggers at him and lost my mind asking him what the effing hell is wrong with him complaining to his mother about me and where does he find the audacity to do so when all I've done is support him while he is doing nothing.
He said I'm rude towards him and his mother by saying he shouldn't go to her with his problems and that she only wanted to help. I told him to set her straight and tell her never ever to speak to me that way again.
Now he is mad at me for disrespecting his mother, and of course he told his mother everything and she is also mad and told him to dump me as I'm not good enough for him or their family. I told him to have some time and think how he wants to proceed with his life because I can't live like this.
He took a bag of some things and left saying I should think how I behaved and how I let him down, and also said his mother wasn't even wrong saying I should take better care of my home. Now I'm doubting myself...
AITA here? Was I rude and/or wrong?
edit: thank you so much for your comments and your support! You are right, I can't believe I doubted myself here. I cannot begin to stress out how tired I am 10hr shifts then 4-6hr classes only to go home and feel like crap...I will admit I am not perfect, I am a slob, but god, the emotional abuse....
I called him saying he has 3 days to get the rest of his stuff and I'm keeping the dog, he wasn't the one supporting her either way... He lost his shit said I'm overreacting and that I'm throwing our love out the window lmao! how could I have been so blind for so long I'm laughable... you can enjoy your sweet son there mamma, I'm done!
All my love to you guys! thank you for your comments and don't let yourselves be as stupid as I was...3 years I'm never getting back...
edit no2: just called my friends telling them Its over and what do I find out? the son of a .... has a side chick! here I was working myself to death for our home and he got himself some honey while I'm at work or university classes...
They didn't tell me because they didn't want me to be sad oh those sweet sweet doves friends I have... Am I having the best 2 days of my life or what?
edit no3: somehow he found out about my post, texted me I'm being unfair and painting him to be the bad guy, said he isn't cheating and he loves me and wants us to make it work. Told him if he disagrees with my narrative he is welcome to come comment and set the record straight his manipulating games aren't working on me anymore!
P.S. yeap I'm done with those 'friends', locks changing soon, passwords changed, drove earlier his stuff to his new gf's home to dump it there and found him there too lmao said it's not what it looks like he just needed a friend...I mean c'mon cook up some better lies dude or grow a pair and admit what you really are, this is just sad...
Here were the top comments from readers:
NTA. He better be your ex now. Pack the rest of his stuff and change the locks. He will come crawling back but just remember how he and his mother treated you. You definitely deserve better, don’t settle.
So ex is jobless, doesn’t contribute via household chores nor cooking, doesn’t contribute monetary, doesn’t contribute emotionally (as you stated he ignores you) and complains to his mom that you don’t act like her and take care of all his need as if he is a 1 year old?
Why are you upset? Sounds like you lost dead weight. NTA but change your locks and count your blessings that he took his useless butt out.
NTA - You should have given his mom an earful that by her thinking a man should bring home the bacon! Let him go! what a mooch! This will free up some space in your life for a more compatible person.
NTA, change your locks and don’t let him come to your place. Pack up his stuff and leave it at his Mom’s. If he comes over you might have a hard time getting him to leave and if he lets himself in, he might take your dog. Change the locks , pack his crap, drop it off.