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Woman uninvites sister to XMAS after feeling disrespected; says 'MY HOUSE, MY BELIEFS.' AITA?

Woman uninvites sister to XMAS after feeling disrespected; says 'MY HOUSE, MY BELIEFS.' AITA?


When this woman is so over her sister on Christmas, she aks Reddit:

"AITA for not inviting my sister to Christmas despite her making it clear she is atheist and then disrespecting my (and the rest of our family’s) religious beliefs?"

I (36F) and my husband (35M) host Christmas for the family every year. My family is CofE. None of us are the type to force our beliefs on anyone else - other people have different beliefs, and it is incredibly rude and pointless to disregard that.

However, my sister (32F) is an atheist and doesn’t want religion to be a part of her or her children’s lives. We sometimes bicker about this as she doesn’t want me to practice my religion in front of her (for example, at meals with her I will still say grace but she gets annoyed at me doing that in front of her kids, despite the fact that I never ask them to do it with me).

This is any time I might be eating a meal when she is present - it could be at a restaurant, it could be at a third party’s home, it could be I’m my own home. When I say Grace at her home it is in my head, although I still bow my head and hold my hands together as usual.

When I say Grace during any of the other occasions it is the same as how I always do it - quietly and for myself not for anyone else in the room. End of edit.

Anyway, Christmas is a very important event for my family, and my husband and I always host it as we have the biggest house and so can accommodate all the guests (my family always stays over for the week surrounding because I don’t live near any of them).

My sister was previously always invited, and she’d come with her kids in the afternoon (after we’d all been to church) for the present giving and receiving and then she’d stay for Christmas dinner.

However, she always has a problem with everyone saying grace or singing carols together. She says she feels forced to participate and that we’re influencing her children despite her making it clear that she doesn’t want religion around them.

Last year, when she put up a fuss about it, it was more intense than usual and she said that we’re all idiots for believing in this ‘rubbish’ and that there is no God and that Christianity ruined Christmas (while I know that a lot of the traditions are pagan, what Christmas celebrates is directly tied to Christianity so I’m not sure what she was on about then).

I told her not to go to a religious event if she’s so against religion and to stay home and practise whatever secular traditions she wants.

She said she goes to Christmas every year because she wants to see the family, but more that she doesn’t know how to refuse the invite. So I said that next (this) year she won’t be getting an invite so there shouldn’t be a problem.

I stuck to my word and she isn’t invited this year. She called me an asshole for ‘blocking her out’ from the family. Everyone is perfectly respectful of her beliefs, but she isn’t of ours so I don’t want her there at all time which is important to our beliefs. I think that’s fair, but AITA?

Let's see what readers thought.

lumpyocelot writes:

ESH. You say grace at her house, knowing full well she doesn't appreciate your doing that. She doesn't like the religious events at your house and gripes about that. You should each respect the expectations established by the host in their own house.

I guess I'm lucky that these internecine issues didn't spoil Christmas for me growing up. While we had devout Catholics, Lutherans, agnostics, and atheists in the family, we treated Christmas dinner as an opportunity to get the families together and enjoy a meal without making it into a contest over religious beliefs.

lilicinnabon writes:

NTA however. You are wrong in believing that Christmas is a Christian holiday, the name got changed sometime way back but is actually another Pagan tradition, now there's a few different Pagan varieties as Pagan tradition wasn't the same everywhere.

A Few of the most practiced Pagan traditions of Christmas are decorating the tree, lighting a fire (in the fireplace) and of course the wreath. I believe gift exchanges and a few other things have carried over as well.

iahteyou1975 writes:

NTA. I’m a devout atheist. My bff is a priest. My mom is a devout Christian. My friends range from atheists to Muslim to Mormon. They know to exclude me from their practices. I silently sit while they pray before a meal. It’s not hard.

Why would it even bother me? No one asks me to pray. No one asks me to now even eat while they pray. They even pray at my house before we eat and I just go about my routine while they do that. When my kids ask about it, I tell them that they have a belief that is different than mine and as friend or relative, I respect their belief even if it differed from mine.

I explain we all are different and just like we all have different skin colors, we all have different beliefs. That it hurts no one to be respectful of anyone who isn’t directly hurting us.

Looks like the jury's out. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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