Woman uninvites partner's family from wedding when they can't figure out the registry.
When this woman is upset with her partner's family, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for uninviting my partner's family from our wedding?"
My partner and I (F) recently became engaged. We plan on having about 40 guests, mostly from his side as I only have one living relative whereas he comes from a large family.
I set up a wedding website last night and on it I gave our Registry with a link to our Wishlist from an online store for inspiration. The Wishlist had a whole bunch of household items (kettles, toasters etc) ranging in price, with all of them coming in at under $50. The cheapest item on it was a set of ceramic measuring spoons at $15, the most expensive was a porcelain dinner set at $49.
When I asked my partner to look through everything on the website, he told me that his extended family members won't be expecting to give us any gifts at our wedding.
He said that at most we might get a bottle of wine from somebody (I don't drink alcohol), but that we would not get anything from his aunts, uncles, cousins etc so doing a Registry is "a bit much" given nobody is going to look at it.
I was absolutely shocked - I think it is the height of bad manners to attend a party (whether it's a wedding or a birthday or whatnot) and not bring a gift of some sort. I cannot imagine going to an event someone has organised for me...
- eating a three course meal they've paid for, dancing to a DJ they've paid for, drinking the drinks they've paid for - and not even bothering to buy them a $15 kettle. I think it's extremely entitled and lacking in any class.
I know that if someone came to the wedding and did not give a gift, I would find it deeply disrespectful and it would sour the whole event for me. So, I told him that if any of his relatives could not be bothered to bring a gift to the wedding then I would rather they not attend at all.
I told him I'm not happy paying to entertain someone who can't even show the good manners to offer a token "thank you" on the day. For me it's not about the gifts - we already have a perfectly fine toaster etc - it's about the principle of showing thanks for time, money, effort etc spent on giving everyone a good time.
My partner thinks I am overreacting and acting like a diva bride, that it is perfectly fine for his relatives to give us nothing on our wedding day and that I need to stop getting my ideas on what weddings look like from social media.
The wedding is entirely self-funded. We are both in our 30s with careers. I wanted us to elope with our parents but he wanted us to have a "proper" wedding.
To be clear, his relatives are all local so there are no associated costs (travel, accommodation etc) to attending the wedding. They have a spare couple of dollars to buy a measuring jug or whatever.
Our wedding - while small - will see all guests receive a free three course meal, drinks, disco and ride home at the end of the night. So, they will all be fully looked after.
AITA for telling my partner that if his extended family have no intention of giving us a gift at our wedding then I would rather they don't attend?
Let's see what readers thought.
slapafrap writes:
YTA - you're not spending that money on them, you're spending it on YOUR WEDDING!!! Are you getting married for the gifts, or for the man you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with? How do you think it will effect future relationships with his family if you pull this entitled stunt literally right out of the gates of the marriage? You have chosen this to be your hill and I fear that you will not make it out.
forwardsquirrel writes:
YTA - Wow. Okay, yes - it is customary to give a gift when you attend a wedding. But your reaction is way over the top. Wedding are celebrations, not transactions. You should be inviting people to your wedding because you want them to be a part of this important milestone in your life. Not because you want a new toaster.
Your guests are not responsible for the fact that you are providing a three course meal and DJ. You are choosing those things and inviting people to enjoy them with you in celebration of your wedding.
I can understand why you were surprised when your partner shared this information with you. But I think you need to take some time to think about why you are having such a big reaction to this.
jmgolden writes:
ESH. As a wedding attendee, you should really provide a gift that is at least commiserate with the amount of money it would cost to host/feed you. At the same time, you are acting like a diva and you're too focused on your registry for this early in the process. Gifts should be an afterthought, not your primary focus. Everyone ought to grow up a bit here.