Woman wants to expose sister's affair to BIL; sis begs, 'please, my affair is self care.' AITA?
When this woman is shocked by her sister's affair, she asks Reddit:
"Would I be the AH if I exposed my sister’s affair to her husband?"
I (f30) caught my sister (f40) cheating on her husband (m49) with a guy (m40). I was shocked because my sister and her husband are the epitome for love that never dies. Literally.
They have been together for 15 years and they still look so much in love, the way they treat each other. I felt anger and despair because I love BIL as a big brother and he has been there for my sister when she been her worst mentally. He was there taking care of her without ever once complaining.
Now I found out I confronted her and she tried to deny it. I told her that she was pathetic and now she felt good about herself, after her husband nursed her back to health, she is paying him with cheating on him. I told her I was going to expose her and she was begging me and crying telling me I didn’t understand.
“Please don’t hurt us, you will be hurting my husband more that you hurt me” After a few days she asked to meet me. She looked like she was crying the whole time. She told me that she has been keeping her husband’s secret but she wanted to tell me and made me promise not to tell anyone.
Her husband is impotent and he hasn’t slept with her for the majority of their relationship. I didn’t believe her so she showed me all the texts and emails she had with her husband, her therapist and her diary.
He hasn’t touched her for almost 12 years. Her depression was because of it and her “back to health” was because of this new guy.
She said that since she started sleeping with him she has been happier and by extension her marriage and husband have been happier.
I asked her why she doesn’t just tell her husband, she said that she couldn’t because she loves him and she couldn’t hurt him. She is afraid he would be so lonely without her because he always said he had no one else in this world and he would die without her.
“Don’t you see that we are all happy? Please don’t hurt us” About the guy. She met him through work and actually he is kind of a famous entrepreneur in our city. She showed me texts etc. he is also married but he has three children. He has the same problem with his se%less marriage.
Yesterday she asked me to meet her. She was with him, the audacity. She looked totally broken and he looked smug and angry and he didn’t even want to look at me.
She asked me to think of all the people that would be hurt if this came out and she said that they will end their affair and promised to never do it again. He got upset and said “Or we could just tell everyone and stop hiding”. She got angry and told him to shut up.
I don’t know what to do. She said that she kept her husband’s secret because he is embarrassed and he is very possessive and jealous (I have noticed he is the jealous type) so he didn’t agree to open marriage.
She swore it was over with this other guy too and showed me texts where they had huge fight because he actually thinks I should tell her husband so they could be together but I don’t know. He has given her a Cartier love ring that she still has and when I confronted her she said she couldn’t throw an expensive ring but she will donate it. She wears it in a chain underneath her clothes.
I’m sorry this is getting long but I wanted to include all details. Hope you can give me an honest judgment. Would I be the asshole if I told my sister’s husband? I think this whole thing is wrong and the cheated parties need to know the truth but it will hurt BIL. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
dazzlingbox4393 writes:
YTA. Why is this your business to referee and manage Her marriage. The fact that she had to expose her husband secret to you diary and personal texts for you to stop. The fact that your demanding she give up a cartier ring given to her…because that would make you feel better?
Like your micromanaging waaaay too much. This sounds like jealousy to me. You love bil so much and you love that he’s your brother. So you think he’s gonna stay your brother? You think exposing his impotency is going to endear him to you?
Dude might off himself over this. Since when was a marriage and how they handle their problems the business of three? And if they stay together after this. What then? Your gonna continue on airing their laundry to everyone?
zooey6 writes:
She's in a se%less marriage and her mental health was suffering to a point where she was literally struggling day to day.
She's tried discussing an open marriage as a solution but the man is notably jealous and there are undertones of emotional blackmail. Her number one concern is her husband, but she's also tending to her needs. I don't think she's a bad guy here. She's human.
Her husband doesn't sound like the loving saint OP and everyone here is making him out to be. I think OP's sister should leave her husband and feel good about it. NAH or ESH.
toadwart9 writes:
NTA. Sister not only put her own marriage at risk, but also is putting another family at risk. She is not a good person. And her trying to insist that it is just for sex, is utter bullshit.
The AP wants to bring it into the open, and what about the ring he bought her? Everyone is ignoring the fact that she treasures this little trinket. Keeps it on a chain under her clothes. I'm with some of the others here. Give her an ultimatum. Then let him know who he's really married to.