Man prioritizes Giant's game box seats over GF's car accident 'he caused.' AITA?
'AITA for insisting my partner skip a work event?'
I (32F) have been with Paul (34M) for 4 years. A year ago we were in a car accident- Paul was driving and 100% at fault. Paul had no injuries, but I broke my back. I was in a back brace for months and am still going to PT. After I was out of the brace I started going to the gym and running, and at this point I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in. I’m really proud of the progress I’ve made.
A month ago I found out that there was a 10k race on the 1 year anniversary of the accident in a mountain town about 3 hours away. I thought this would be a fun and positive way to spend the day and celebrate my recovery.
I suggested this idea to Paul, my 2 best friends, and their partners- the plan was to drive there Friday afternoon, run the 10k Saturday morning, and spend the rest of the weekend exploring the town. Everyone was on board.
Paul recently started a new job. It’s fully remote and he hasn’t met his coworkers yet. He is supposed to fly to SF to meet his team the Monday after our weekend trip- we knew this when we made our plans.
A few days before our trip, Paul told me his bosses now want him to be in SF on Sunday because they got box seats to a Giants game and they want him to come, so he would no longer be able to come on our trip.
I thought he was joking, because he makes fun of “corporate kiss-a** culture”, but he was serious. I told him to explain the situation and that they can’t expect him to be available with less than a week’s notice.
He said he had already told them yes and he didn’t want to backtrack. So I asked him to tell them he forgot he had a wedding to attend or something like that, and he said he didn’t want to turn down the offer because it would be a “really good networking opportunity”.
I suggested he join on Friday as planned and drive back late Saturday or early Sunday to catch his flight. He said no because he didn’t want to drive 6 hours round trip just for one day.
I suggested he fly out of the regional airport nearby, which he also shot down because it would be too expensive (he makes good money so this wouldn’t be a financial burden). I was almost in tears at this point, pleading him to come and telling him how important it was to me.
When I realized he wasn’t going to budge, I stopped trying to convince him, but I did let him know I was hurt and angered by his decision.
The morning I was supposed to leave, Paul was trying to be affectionate and sweet towards me, but I’m still pretty upset, so I was admittedly pretty b*tchy to him and rejected all attempts at affection.
Now he’s upset with me for “ruining” our last day together and also for pressuring him to skip his work event. I think he’s an a**hole for prioritizing a baseball game over a celebration of my recovery, especially considering he’s the one that caused my injury in the 1st place. My friends are on my side but I’d like some unbiased perspective.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA on the initial part, but then you said 'especially considering he's the one that caused my injury in the 1st place' - that sounds really, really nasty. Guilt tripping him for the rest of your life with him won't be good emotionally.
Is the whole celebration of your progress a moment to rub his nose in the fact 'he caused it'? Good luck.
Well, she didn't tell him that's how she felt. You can't control how someone feels if she's feeling upset or resentful by the accident. This event could have been her way of closing that chapter, and she needed Paul there for that. I don't know why you expect humans to not have negative feelings. NTA.
His reckless and ridiculous actions almost killed his partner. She was left with potentially lifelong injuries. Somehow, he is the victim here? This is not a girls weekend to drink wine. This is a planned trip to specifically celebrate her recovery from the time HER HUSBAND NEARLY KILLED HER DUE TO HIS RIDICULOUS AND RECKLESS ACTIONS.
Husband admits the following:
He could still make his work trip, if he was willing to drive 6 hours
He could still make his work trip, if he was willing to pay a bit more to fly from a different airport
He has the money and time available to do either of these things. His wife just doesn't matter enough for him to actually do them.
He could support the person HE NEARLY KILLED in an event they are using to celebrate RECOVERING FROM THE ACCIDENT DURING WHICH HE NEARLY KILLED HER, but he just doesn't feel it's important enough.
Yes, this guy should remember every minute, every second, every millisecond that he is with OP (which hopefully isn't going to be long, given his actions) and he should be thankful every minute, every second, and every millisecond that she survived and is still with him.
OP, you are a much bigger and nicer person than I am. Not once did you remind him that the trip was to celebrate your progress in recovery after he broke your back. I would have.
Having said that, he was provided a couple of alternatives that were more than reasonable. And why is HE paying for a flight/travel for business? NTA.
But, he has shown you where you rank in his priorities. I would imagine if you look back in your relationship you’ll find you’ve taken the backseat more than not.
The OP responded here in the comments:
Opinions seem to be pretty evenly divided. I do want to clarify a couple things- I never tried to get Paul to come by saying or implying the injury was his fault. Yes, I was thinking it, but I’ve never used that against him. There are obviously resentment issues which is something I’m working through, but I would never say that to his face.
A lot of people are saying iata because I was pressuring him to skip his work event. When I realized how important it was to him, I tried to compromise with him to be able to make both events happen. It was his refusal to compromise that was upsetting.
Thank you everyone who gave thoughtful replies! It was helpful seeing it from different perspectives. There were of course some pretty laughably terrible replies- my personal favorites were the one calling me a gold digger lol and the one which told me I’m responsible for the car crash because I wasn’t policing the behavior of the grown man who was driving the car.