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'WIBTA If I found my ex's biological parents behind his back?'

'WIBTA If I found my ex's biological parents behind his back?'


"WIBTA If I found my ex's biological parents?"

I (32f) have a daughter (2.5f) with my ex (38m). He's adopted and my daughter has only been around his adoptive parents a few times. They don't ask about her, they don't acknowledge her birthday, or Christmas and it's very clear they want nothing to do with her. Their loss entirely.

Issue is, I come from a big family. My mom is one of 12. So growing up, I always had cousins around. I do have 2 nieces (9f, 13f) and an extremely handicapped nephew (15m), but they're so far apart in age, I don't feel like my daughter will have the same experience growing up.

My dad is an only child, and I do not know any of my extended family on my Dad's side. My own grandfather has never acknowledged my sister and I... Let alone any of our kids. So my kiddo has me, my sister, my parents, her 3 cousins and my paternal grandmother (my mom only speaks to two of her living siblings and I'm no longer close to any of my cousins).

My ex is pretty adamant that he has no interest in finding his biological parents, and of course I would respect his wishes if he doesn't want anything to do with them, but I would like to meet them and allow my daughter to meet any aunties and uncles and cousins she might have from her dad's side of the family. If for no reason other than knowing their medical histories.

WIBTA if I got one of those ancestors tests and tried to track down my ex's bio family?

Here's how people judged OP:

strawberrimihlk writes:

YTA. huge YTA. Being blood related doesn’t make them family, they are not his family or your family so why make them your daughters family while also hurting your ex in the process if this isn’t something he’s not ready for or wants to do? It feels cruel and selfish.

If it’s so important try asking him if he’d be ok with that, if yes go on, if no then stop right there.

GardenSafe8519 writes:

OP also has to realize that if she found the bio parents (one of whom contested the adoption) could possibly harass her endlessly about meeting their son (her ex). And he has no desire to do that. So she would be hurting those people all over again (first time because of the adoption, second by him not agreeing to meet). Yes OP WBTA

obobananafingers writes:

I agree with you but having seen OPs edit she does not appear to care and most certainly seems like she will be going ahead and doing it anyway. Why even waste the time making this post if you were always going to do it? OP is a massive AH

ThotsforTaterTots writes:

YTA. Absolutely not. As an adopted child, if my partner or ex partner ever contacted my biological family without consent, I’d be LIVID. Like scorched earth livid. Your ex already said he has no interest in them. If you insert yourself into that storyline, and dredge up who knows what, then you’ll absolutely be the villain.

Sources: Reddit
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