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Woman warns sister, 'your behavior at your wedding WILL affect our stepdad.' AITA?

Woman warns sister, 'your behavior at your wedding WILL affect our stepdad.' AITA?

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When this woman is annoyed with her sister for being dramatic about her wedding, she asks Reddit:

"AITA for telling my sister she is an idiot if she thought her actions at her wedding wouldn’t have consequences?"

Quick backstory, my bio dad died when I was young and my mom remarried when my sister was 8 and I was 10. We are now in our late 20s.

Stepdad focused a lot of his time providing for us so I never got close to him but I am grateful for him. I am engaged and my sister is going to marry in about a month. My wedding will be in a year. Both of us are close to our mom though.

My sister who I will call Noelle, messed up in my opinion. At first I was on her side but now I just feel bad for stepdad. Noelle isn’t going to have him walk her down and give her away. I understand this is her decision and when that came out I helped my mom and stepdad understand that it was her choice.

The turning point happened last week when she told us that he will not be sitting at the family table, when asked her why she made it clear he wasn’t family to her. Again her right but damn he is the reason we had such a good childhood and are debt free ( he paid for college and worked a ton).

I knew this would result in them not going to the wedding and they informed my sister. She called me upset and was ranting about how it was her wedding. That she was being abandoned.

I had enough and told her she is an idiot if she didn’t think her actions wouldn’t have consequences. She called me a jerk and hung up. I am unsure if I was a jerk and I feel guilty since I am now closer to my parents since I promised he can walk me down at my wedding.

Let's see what readers thought.

outrageousmuffin writes:

NTA. I did not have my dad walk me down the aisle but my husband and I walked together. Our choice and no hard feelings on dad´s side.

(In Germany many couples do the same as it is often considered an outdated custom and daughters are not a possession to give away. My DIL chose it anyway because she has a close relationship with her dad and wanted to honor him.)

So that is fine with me. But what makes your sister TA is to ban your stepdad from the family table. He provided for you for many years and you seemed to have lived amicably together. You need not love your stepparents but to humiliate him openly... TA.

And I like it you made it clear to her that this has severe consequences. How can an adult woman not see this??

tocaman writes:

A provisional NTA. My reservation is this: I think you should also refuse to go. This man stepped up to provide for y'all, and went far beyond what a basically good stepfather would be expected to do.

No one could fill the hole of your sister's idolization of your dad, not even your dad if he had lived. But she not only refused stepdad the role that is traditional for a father if he can do it, but she insulted him further by refusing him a position that would normally be accorded a parent's spouse.

He's not mom's sidepiece, he is her long time husband and he worked hard to be as much a father as the two of you would allow. Your sister is being evil, and you should have no part of it - don't attend.

i99quail0 writes:

NTA. Her wedding and her choices but like said they have consequences. Your parents also had the choice and they choose not to be there as she completely disrespected your Stepdad who by your account did his best.

To say he is not part of the family at all is unkind and if that's how she feels so be it, but your parents do not have to expose themselves to her unkindness. People tend to protect themselves and if she chooses not to understand that she is the 'jerk'.

Looks like OP is NTA here. Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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