'AITA for not paying my sister for the ‘labor’ I made her do at Christmas?'
"AITA for not paying my sister for the ‘labor’ I made her do at Christmas?"
My husband (36) and I (38F) hosted Christmas this year. My 20 living close family members (brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews) have stayed with us from the 18th and will continue to until tomorrow. A further eight people joined us yesterday for Christmas dinner and a Christmas party.
My older brother (40M) and his husband (53M) usually help me with the Christmas dinner and they did this year as well but there were a few more guests than usual and we needed more hands on deck so I asked my younger sister (30F) to help. She agreed, if reluctantly, once she saw how much needed to be done and got to work.
She muttered when she started that I had better pay her back for this, to which I laughed because I thought it was a joke. There is a very high chance that I misinterpreted this because I do have autism and recognising sarcasm is not one of my strong points.
But she didn’t object so I took my interpretation as the correct one.I was and am incredibly grateful for her help and thanked her for it many times. Once the cooking was done and the food was served in our dining room, I made sure to mention the contribution that everyone had put in to the meal, by name, as I do every year.
My sister then, this morning just before she was about to leave (everything packed up in her car, saying goodbyes to everyone), asked me how much I was going to pay her. I asked her what she meant and she said that she had agreed to do it with the idea that she would be paid for it and she wasn’t my slave.
I said I wasn’t going to pay her because it was a favor. Also, I’ve done a lot for her during her time here so if anything, it was her paying me back. She just glared at me and asked again for her money and I said I don’t have anything for her.
She didn’t ask again and left after telling me I was being pissy with her for no reason. We’re normally on very good terms so this was surprising - I don’t remember us ever arguing before now so I think I either did something very wrong or she was in a bad mood because she was hung over and I only did something slightly wrong. So, AITA?
Edit: People do help out in other ways, which is why I went to my sister because she was the only one who wasn’t busy.
Let's see what readers thought.
funkishen writes:
NTA. I don't even understand the concept... At Christmas, everyone helps out, so that everyone can enjoy the festivities. The payment is the finished meal that I'm sure your sister partook in.
I can't imagine a majority of the adults in my family just sitting on their asses not helping. Everyone is just in and out of the kitchen, cooking, tidying up, looking after the younger kids... Regardless of who's hosting, we all help out.
Even me, who's disabled and physically can't help much, I can still do some things that are helpful (such as keeping a few kids entertained with crayons and paper, or holding a baby so the parents can do their things in peace), and I bring stuff I've prepared beforehand.
If someone demanded to be paid, I'd laugh too. Then we'd probably point out that everyone helps out and everyone has pitched in buying food - why should one person get paid for doing what all of us does to have a nice Christmas together?
wiseimpression8 writes:
NTA, the price of admission for having a large family that loves you is that everyone pitches in. That means taking your turn at helping with dishes and food prep without being asked, and it means taking a turn at hosting every now and then as well, because from getting the house ready to making all the shopping lists, planning is a huge job which usually has to be done by the host and the host alone.
purplelavender writes:
I’ll probably be downvoted to hell but I think you should give ur sister a little bit of grace here given that this sounds completely out of her character.
Do you talk about money? Im guessing that she needs money but is too embarrassed to ask for a “handout” so she demanded “payment.” Talk to your sister, if you have the means I’d offer some help as a gift and tell her that if she needs money next time to just ask.
Or I could be wrong and your sister is just super cheap and entitled. If that’s the case though and she double downs on demanding payment maybe yall are not as close as you think you are and it’s time to take a step back. NTA.