Woman's BF demands paternity test; she threatens to leave after getting results. UPDATED 3X

"My boyfriend asked for a paternity test. As soon as the results show he's the father, I'm leaving him."

I'm a new mom to a baby boy who is my pride and joy, and though it's been a rollercoaster adjusting to taking care of a baby, the past few months have been great, tiring but great. I have a bf of 3 years who is the first person relationship-wise I have ever loved, and I thought we were doing great as new parents but also as partners.

Friday, he came home and he asked me for a paternity test. Just like that, it was completely out of the blue. I was putting away the dishes and he asked for one, like he was asking what was for dinner. I'm a different race from him but our child, apart from the skin tone, is literally his mirror image from pictures I had seen of him when he was a baby.

I was stunned when he asked and his reasons were that he had to be sure he was the father, he had to have that certainty. All I remember as he was speaking is just immediately feeling pain.

The man I love doesn't trust me. He would actually believe that I would f**k someone else, cheat on him, and then try to pass off another man's baby as his. I have never ever given him reason to think I would cheat on him. I have tried to be transparent and communicated and it wasn't enough.

He told me he would give me time to think about this, that he wouldn't go behind my back and do this test but for our relationship to move forward, he needs to be 100% sure. He repeated this because he, in his words, 'needed me to realize how serious he was.'

After thinking for a couple of days, I'm going to allow him this paternity test because I have nothing to hide. I never cheated and would have never cheated on him. Once it's proven that he's the father, I'm ending it, leaving the same day and I am going to try my best to be a cooperative co-parent with him.

In the meantime, I'm coming up with my exit plan, a place to live, and a lawyer to work out a custody arrangement and court. I can't even tell my family or my friends right now because they would go nuclear and my first priority is our child. I hope the test was worth it to him.

I'm not asking for advice or reassurance or to explain his side. I just, I'm just realizing this part of my life is now over. What a way to start the new year, huh.

Update from OP 3 weeks later:

I'm going to call my bf, Mason to keep things clear.

To clarify a few things:

We're different races but to my knowledge, his family plus extended is more than ok with it. His mother actually set us up. I went to a dinner party and he and I were the only single people who had been invited and we hit it off. She admitted to trying to set us up for months.

We have had no issues with cheating or any situations where things could be sketchy during the years we have been together. We also haven't broken up or taken any breaks.

Our son is his mirror image. My bf confided to his cousin about the paternity test a couple of days after he asked me and the cousin told his wife and it spread like wildfire, especially in their family group chats.

His mom put an end to the speculation though by doing a half and half pic of him and our son but also by adding some additional individual pics of both of them. She posted the pictures in the family group chat and said, 'look at the old pics I found of Mason'.

After people commented, she said, actually the one on the right is my grandchild, or this one isn't Mason. Literally the family members just thought that it was the same person in all of the pics and that some of the photos were taken in darker lightning.

That is how much our son looks like him which I find funny but also a little annoying, like I carried you for 9 months, all for you to be a copy of your dad. I didn't see the group chat but the topic died down when his mom did that.

Anyway, we talked. When I had made the first post, I was so angry and planned to leave but the anger was quickly replaced by hurt once I calmed down. I realized if I blindsided him like that, i would be doing the exact same thing that he did to me, when he asked for a paternity test.

I planned to ask him to talk, but I also didn't want him to think I was trying to get out of the test. So beforehand, I booked an appointment at two different paternity test locations. I asked him to talk when he came home and I made sure our child was at my mom's. I told him that whatever happened with this talk, the paternity tests had been booked and would go forward.

I basically asked him his reasoning and, when he started having doubts about paternity. Was it a previous relationship, did cheating happen? He said it was about a week before he asked me that he started having doubts.

He said that he was on his lunch break one day just reading articles and he clicked on an old article about a man who found out his three kids weren't his after like 20 years. This led him into a rabbit hole of podcasters and YouTube videos that encouraged men to ask for paternity tests.

While he thought those podcasters were idiots, he said that paternity was an exception. He said his reasoning was that some women have done this before and he wanted to be sure. He said 'you know it's yours because the baby comes out of you but how do I know?' 'The test gives me that assurance.'

I was hurt by that but I decided to explain how I felt. I said that for him, it was a rational request while for me, it was basically him saying that he didn't trust me. It was him saying that he believed 'I would cheat on him, get pregnant, have him emotionally, financially, and physically support me during the pregnancy, and birth and basically lie to him while he raised another man's child.'

I told him that I understand that women had done this before but the fact that HE thought I would do this to him is what bothered me.

I told him the truth, that when I was angry, I had planned to leave and that I even went looking into a lawyer, a co-parenting plan, and a new place to live. He was stunned, that I would leave for something so small. I found that to be a weird kind of irony, that he believed issuing an ultimatum about a paternity test and basically accusing your partner of cheating was something small.

We did the test 2 days later, got the results back after 3 days. He opened both of them and to the surprise of no one, he's the dad. He was visibly relieved when he read the tests and I don't know why that hurt more.

Update from OP 2 weeks after the test results:

I'm still really hurt. God, I sound so pathetic. I feel pathetic. I thought the results would maybe relieve some of that but it didn't. It's like a switch clicked when he asked for the test and I can't find a way to click it off. I'm pretty sure post partum is playing a part in this because all I do is cry and I wasn't like this before.

He wants to move on, marriage, more kids in the future and go back to where we are and thinks that our relationship is now stronger. While I'm just thinking, our relationship right now is weaker than a person on stilts. I don't know if I would say we are together. We rarely talk about anything but the baby, it's awkward, and I'm trying to find a way back to where we were and I can't see how.

I'm going to try to fix this and try therapy (individual and couples), but I just have this feeling that this is basically a sinking ship. I hope I'm wrong. I want very much to be wrong.

I have a lawyer. I have gotten a child care/custody plan worked up during these two weeks. I've told my family who are mostly close by. I have a rental property I own and can go to. Our finances are separate so I'm good there.

I'm staying in the spare room. There is no affection. Therapy, individual or couples, will hopefully help me and will hopefully reaffirm that I had the right idea in the beginning. It's not as easy to move when there's a child. So I'm making sure that I'm mentally well, our child is good, and then I'll make a decision. Thank you though for all your kindness and perspectives. I really appreciate it.

Final update from OP 1 week later:

I left. Things have gone downhill and under advisement, I can't really discuss it until things have been settled in court. I guess I'm really a cautionary tale on what can go wrong. Please if you have concerns with your partner, discuss things beforehand, especially before you have a child.

Thank you again for your different perspectives. Hoping to have everything settled eventually.

Here's what people had to say:

corakken writes:

I was just thinking about your situation and saw this post. I'm glad you left, but I'm sorry you had to go through this at all. You didn't deserve your husband's lack of trust. I hope you're doing okay.

Georgadotcom writes:

I'm so glad, im sure after an amount of time and the dust settles you will be much happier without the man who was practically accusing you of cheating and manipulating him into raising a kid, and then gaslighting your feelings about it. Remember these things and you will be golden, best of luck!

FutilePancake79 writes:

My ex kept making 'jokes' about our son not being his, getting a paternity test, etc. My response was always 'Go right ahead'. Long story short...he was cheating.

Viscously_Aggressive writes:

I hope you and your child are safe, I know you will be happy together without whatever toxic shit he was throwing at you this time. You are strong, your child is healthy and happy with you, everything you're doing for them is the right thing, never doubt it or yourself.