'My boyfriend got his ex-girlfriend pregnant. I love him. My heart is so confused.'
"My (23F) boyfriend (26M) got his ex-girlfriend pregnant"
I don’t even know how I got into this mess. I don’t have many friends to go to about this so I decided to come onto this sub.
Starting from the beginning, I met my current boyfriend Jared (fake name) back in January of last year. We met when I started my new job and we clicked instantly. He’s funny, charming, caring, and definitely eye candy. We became super close and we hung out all the time and we would stay up all night talking on the phone for hours.
At the time I met Jared, I had just gotten out of a miserable relationship with my ex-boyfriend of two years. That relationship really affected me and I was afraid to get into another relationship so I didn’t act on my feelings for Jared.
Jared told me that he was willing to wait for me for as long I needed. I really appreciated that and I am so lucky to have met someone like him. Eventually, he and I finally made it official around Christmas time. Our relationship has been amazing and this is the best one I’ve ever been in.
That is until a few days ago…A few days ago, Jared called me and told me that he was on his way over to my place and that he needed talk to me about something important. When he arrived, we sat down and he confessed to me that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant and the baby is his.
According to him, this is how it happened: He was at the bar with a few of his buddies on Labor Day and he ran into his ex there. Apparently, he got drunk and he started to feel a bit lonely. Him and his ex began talking and flirting. Long story short, they ended up going back to his place and they slept together.
His ex-girlfriend is currently seven months pregnant and up until now, he hasn’t told me. He says he kept it from me out of fear that I would leave him and because he wasn’t sure if she was being 100% truthful about the pregnancy.
This has been on my mind for the past few days and I don’t know what to do. Jared has given me space to process all of this, which I appreciate. On one hand, I feel like it isn’t fair for me to be upset because he and I weren’t together. But on the other hand, it hurts that he didn’t tell me this when we first began dating.
I know them having a baby doesn’t necessarily involve me and of course, the only thing that should matter in this situation is the baby but I’m not really sure where this leaves me. I’m not sure what to do and how to go about this. I’ve always been child free and the thought of being a step-mother scares me.
Jared is my best friend and I love and care about him with everything in me. My heart is so confused. Please help me. I would love your advice/feedback.
TLDR: My boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend slept together before we were official and she’s now seven months pregnant and he’s kept it from me all this time.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
Girl, you don’t need this in your life at 23. Move on. He’s not the one.
This!! 23 is way too young to deal with this sh*t. Leave him, find a therapist, heal, and live your absolute best child free life. Someone who deserves you is out there and you'll find him. Just heal and find yourself first.
That is very important information to keep from you for so long. I would leave... it isn't even about the pregnancy. It's that he lied, and you never had a choice before you got attached. Fair? To him? No... he hasn't been fair. To you.
Run don’t walk away. Find someone with a fresh start. The fact both of them didn’t use protection is the first problem. The second is how long he waited to tell you.
A newborn would absolutely involve you and your life. It will negatively affect you and ruin a new relationship.
You can't trust him, his intentions or his loyalty since he would be spending a lot of time at her house cuz there would be a newborn that can't leave his/her mother's proximity for too long. He's already lied by omission and I wonder what else he's hiding. It's too messy. Run.
A week later, the OP returned with an update:
Hi, everyone. I decided to provide an update since something very significant has happened since my last post.
Before I get into the update, I wanted to clarify some things that a few people said/had questions about.
1. Jared and his ex are not secretly together. Before the night that they slept together, they hadn’t spoken to each other in over a year. Now, it seems that they don’t really get along unless they’re discussing plans/info about the baby
2. Ex-GF did know that Jared hadn’t told me about the pregnancy. According to him, she would say things like, “You need tell her.” Or “Why are you keeping this from her?” But she never pushed him on the topic too much.
3. Jared and I began dating on the 21st of December. He slept with his ex on Labor Day (early September) he did not cheat on me.
Now for the update…
After doing a lot of thinking and seeing the advice I got on my last post, I realized that it isn’t in my best interest to continue being with him. Having a baby is a huge deal and it would completely shake up our relationship. I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of being a step-mother. I also don’t feel like I can trust him after he kept this from me for so long.
Yesterday, I invited Jared over to my place and I sat him down to talk. I told him that I’m disappointed in him for lying and keeping this from me for so long and that I thought he was better than that. Then, I told him that while I do love him, I cannot be with him. And he actually cried, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry.
Despite what everyone’s saying, Jared really is a good guy. He just did something extremely stupid and inconsiderate. By the end of the talk, both of us were in tears. It was a mess.
He asked me if we could still keep in contact and possibly remain friends. I said that while I wouldn’t mind that, it would take a lot time and I told him not to contact me for a while. I wished him good luck with the baby and that was the end of it.
I’m very sad and broken up about this but I’ll be okay soon. I’m planning to go out of town to visit my sister (I haven’t even told her about this situation yet) very soon so hopefully that’ll take my mind off of things. I thank you all for the advice on my last post it really did help me out. Have a great day!
Here were the top rated comments from readers who followed the story through the update:
I think you made the right decision. To me, withholding the truth is a lie of omission and is the same thing as lying. It isn’t giving you full knowledge to make decisions about your life.
Jared needs to get a paternity test but it sounds like the ship with OOP has sailed without him and ain’t coming back.
Jared should've told OOP as soon as he found out his ex was telling the truth. Keeping a secret for so long about something life-changing like a baby was a big betrayal of trust.
How can you trust someone that hides a whole CHILD from you? Even if he had his doubts, even if the relationship was still new, he shouldn't have kept such a huge deal a secret.
Okay I will be honest I was confused with the dates and the length of the pregnancy before I saw the date that this was posted (a piece of info I don't really pay attention to).
But even then, September-March is 6 months, not 7, unless my math is incorrect here. It's either: A) he wasn't truthful of him and his ex not seeing each other for a whole year or B) he's not the father.
And then for OP to say that she got together with him in December...that's roughly 3 months of keeping that information from her after being official. Even if the kid wasn't his, he's not trustworthy in my book. If he can do this, he can probably withhold other types of information from her.
Edit: I knew I was probably not doing my math correctly there, hence the disclaimer haha. As someone who is most likely going to be child free, this is a piece of information I didn't really know, so thank you to those that corrected me on that!