I (f29) am a huge nerd and bookworm so my books collection ir rather impressive. My boyfriend of 3 years (David, m32) and I have just moved in together and it proves to be more challenging that I originally thought it would be.
As mentioned above, my book collection is rather large but he never mentioned anything about it and the books will be in my office anyway (I work from home). However, there seems to be a slight issue he has (always had?) that he only now mentioned.
I was raised trilingual, and I learned English later in life as well, so technically I speak four languages with English being my weakest so apologies for any mistakes. Because of that, my book collection is rather diverse, including books in all four’languages.
If I can, I prefer to read the book in a language it was originally written in and only reach for translations if I don’t speak the language. This has never been a problem and David never mentioned anything about this until now.
He was helping me unpack the books and I had noticed that he put all non-English books in a separate pile. I asked him about that and he said we didn’t need them and to throw them away. I said that you never throw books away, you donate them instead but I didn’t plan on getting rid off any of my books.
He argued that it was pointless to keep books not in English as they only take up space and they’re only for show and no one but me even reads them. I told him, 'They’re my books. I could consider downsizing my collection if it was a space issue but since we have the space and they’re in my office, I am not getting rid off them.”
He got really annoyed so I told him that I didn’t need his help anymore.
Yesterday, I went for a coffee with a friend and when I got back home, I found my book shelves to be mostly empty with some candles and figurines placed where my books used to be.
I asked David where my books were and he told me it was a surprise and I came back home to early. His mother came over and help him get rid of all my ‘useless’ books. The bagged them up, put it in his car and he was about to take them to the skip. I was absolutely furious and he told me I could always replace them with books in English.
I grabbed all my books and went to my office. I installed a lock to my office door so he can’t throw them away but I am so very confused about all of this. To top this off, his sisters called me, one of them screaming her head off because I am an inconsiderate c-word and to get off my high horse and to stop pretending I am better than everyone else.
Am I the asshole here? Am I really wrong about not wanting to get rid off my books?
Here's what people had to say:
Wow. He threw away your books? Even though he knew you wanted them? Even though you had plenty of room for them and he didn't even need to look at them, since they are in your office? Because they made him feel inadequate since they were in languages he couldn't read? NTA. And huge 🚩🚩🚩. Keep the books; ditch the a**hole.
This is absolutely his insecurity and instead of being a normal, well-adjusted human this asshole wants to limit his smart multilingual gf. If he were smart and well-adjusted, he would download Duolingo and start learning. Instead he whines to his mommy and sister and tries to throw away the offended multilingual books.
Her English for the post is excellent, I wouldn't recognise it wasn't her mother tongue if she hasn't said so. Being polylingual is a skill OP should be proud of.
Honestly, I would dump a guy for dog-earing pages. Throwing away a book? WTF girl! We are going to pull your bookworm card over this. Clearly he is intimidated by the fact that you speak multiple languages. 'Nobody reads them but [you]' -- well yeah! They're your books! Who else would be reading them?
And then he got his family to jump in on the abuse, because they also don't want to think that you are smarter than they are. Run. Run fast and run now.