Woman's husband cheats; she accidentally steals the other woman's man. UPDATED
Sometimes the universe lines up just when you need it.
One woman took to the forums to talk about her husband cheating. Unfortunately, not an uncommon topic. However, in this instance, she had started moving on with her life. She had found a man that she truly loved. The twist comes when she found out her new boyfriend was the former partner of the woman with whom her husband cheated. Now, she wants to know how to handle this soap opera level situation like an adult. This story has quite a few internet abbreviations. Most of them make sense in context, but we have include an index for reference.
- EXH - ex husband
- OW - other woman
- DS - dear son
- SAHM - stay at home mom
- SM - social media
- BBQ - barbecue, a party/gathering where food is grilled (this one is just for fun)
Please enjoy!
'Other woman' is hitting on my boyfriend. Should i expose her?
My EXH left me after 9 years and two kids for my younger DS´s kindergarden teacher. To make things worse, the OW was a close friend of my younger sister. After the affair was discovered, my EX left me and the kids in mental and financial ruin to set up home with the OW.
The divorce was final five years ago. The time during and about three years after the divorce was pure hell on earth I would not wish upon my worst enemy (well apart from the two assholes). The OW was (and still is) just crazy.
She is nice to my kids but she took every opportunity to rub it in my face how she is now living the life that was supposed to be mine. My EX and she tried to get my kids to call her “mommy”. She inserted herself constantly into my co-parenting with my EX.
She posts pictures of herself baking cookies with my kids with captures like “what a SAHM does with her darlings while hubby is at work”. She “helped” make a scrapbooks for mothers day that my kids gave to me as a gift with her in half of the pictures…
Well you can get the gist of all the hell I went through. In the beginning, these actions made my blood boil and I voiced my feelings loud and clear, only to be called “bitter”, “petty” and “clearly not being able to move on”.
It took some time but I have accepted that these two entitled people are unfortunately a part of my kids lives and therefore in my life for a foreseeable future. My main goal is that my kids have a dad in their life and since she is part of the deal, I just kind of suck it up and count down until my youngest is 18.
Anyway… Here is where this story gets interesting and where I seek your advice.
Two years ago I randomly ran into a guy while on a business trip. I thought he looked familiar but could not place him. Long story short, we hit it off and after some time it clicked for me that the guy was actually OW´s ex-fiance.
He dumped her about a year before she hooked up with my then husband. My sister told me that the guy was OW big love. The guy she pined after for since high school. She was heartbroken after the breakup and according to my sister, boardline needing to be hospitalized.
Well, after some hesitation on my part, me and the guy became close friends and over time lovers. It was not serious at first since we did not live in the same city, but about a year ago he accepted a job offer in my town and we decided to make a go of our relationship for real.
I want to point out that him being the OW's EX-BF had NOTHING to do with my feelings towards him and my desire to be in a relationship with him. My BF is a great man and I have fallen deeply and madly in love with him and he feels the same.
Now that we are in a committed relationship we are talking about moving in together in about six month's time. We are looking to rent a house. He has been introduced to my kids already and I was planning on notifying my EX about a new man coming into the kids lives permanently.
Well, the OW found out that he has moved back home to our city and has recently started messaging him on FB saying that she misses him, loves him, never stopped loving him, would love to get together to chat… My BF has shown me all this.
He replied to her that given that she is in a committed relationship her coming on to him was wrong, inappropriate and appalling. He told her to not contact him again and has blocked her on all SM. He is absolutely disgusted by her actions and is rooting for me to expose her to my EX and others who know her.
I am kind of on the fence. I mean, in the end she got stuck with a turd of a man who abandoned a devoted wife and two kids after stealing almost all our marital assets.
I on the other hand got a great man who worships the ground I walk on, adores my kids and wants to build a future with us. Did I mention he is a fire fighter? Yup! Super sexy.
I say, the word of us will come out and she will have to live for the rest of her life with the humiliation of being rejected by the man she really loves. Plus she will always know the man she loves, loves me. Furthermore, let the a**holes cheat on each other. What goes around, comes around. Not my monkey, not my circus. So guys, what do you think? Expose or not expose?
Here was the inital reaction from readers:
Just let that sh*t go sis. The reward of her finding out on her own is so much more enthralling. You're doing SO much better then them two and you shoukd just enjoy it. Pay them no mind.
Hmm, I totally disagree and totally agree (weird, sorry). IMO, OP, take the high road of formal, unbiased notification of your new man to your EX, and at the same time, the screenshots. Why?
A. Formal notification is the high road in co-parenting, surprises are not
B. Notify him calmly about OW because A) you’re a real human; and B) he’s your kids parent and you know how he wrecked you, they don’t need that a second time.
My 2p, though I totally agree popcorn and drama worthy.
This is the best result to being left for another woman I have ever read on here. Good for you! Bask in your happiness and don’t engage with her crazy. If you bring it up it will look like you still care about your ex. Let him figure things out for himself.
No need to expose her directly, just make your own little scrapbook with him and the kids and let the dominos fall into place.
I would wait until you move in together. If something happens between now and then it could blow up in your face. I hope you screen shot the FB messages to show your ex.
I wouldn't. Just because I wouldn't want to deal with the ramped up drama and crazy that it's bound to cause.
The OP responded with a semi update in the comments on this post:
I have decided not to expose the OW to my EXH. Knowing these two assholes being capable of anything I would not put it past her to spin the story somehow. But let me tell you, I have saved all the hurtful messages she sent me after she and ex got caught and I have a few lines up my sleeve when she goes to crazytown (and according to my sister she will definitely go to crazytown).
So I will be patient and let this woman dig her hole. Why push her when she will be buried eventually all on her own? Only thing I am worried about it if this will affect my kids. That is something I do not want. They have already had enough drama as is.
But I messaged my ex this weekend. Just a short text covering the basis to let him know I met someone, that he met our kids and that we are planning on moving in together in a near future. My ex blew up my phone and started texting wanting more info on my BF.
I just told him my BF´s first name, that he has a steady and reliable job, that he has no criminal record and that the kids adore him. My ex demanded to meet my BF. I just said that he would meet him in due time during pick-ups and drop-offs.
The ex demanded his phone number so he could 'get an opinion on what type of man would be raising his kids'. I just replied that since I was not given the same curtesy, he would learn to deal. I did not respond to any more of his texts.
So Reddit friends, not really a pop-corn worthy update but I am sure its just around the corner :)
And just around the corner that OP's update indeed was:
Ok. So the cat is out of the bag and things are getting interesting. This Friday was my BF´s 40th birthday so his family and close friends arranged for an outdoor BBQ at one of his friends house.
A bunch of silly pictures were taken and some ended up posted on SM by his friends. Some pics were of us. You can all guess what happened next.
My phone was blowing up with calls from my ex. My BF started getting calls from random unknown numbers that he blocked straight away. It was a crazy few days. So we decided to officially come out as a couple since it was now in the open. Not really how we planned but whatever.
First I had a talk with my kids how they feel about mommy's friend being mommy's new boyfriend. They adore my BF so they had no issue at all.
Next we had a talk with our families to make sure that we have their support if the ex-es start drama (I arranged for my dad to drop off and pick up the kids for the summer just to let things cool down).
Finally we started including each other on SM posts. My ex was already informed that I met someone and was moving on. So that was that. Or so we thought.
Yesterday my ex showed up at my door but I did not answer. Today the OW showed up outside my BF's fire station and tried to see him (he was not at work during this time).
Now I am getting calls from unknown numbers. This is getting a little bit too much already. Our next drop off for kids is on Friday and I am dreading the questions they will get at my EXH home. Why can´t these people just leave us alone? What do they want from us?? This is so insane.
Here are the top comments from readers after this latest update:
When your ex wanted to know about the man that would be around his kids, that would have been the perfect time to send him the rejection your boyfriend gave your ex’s GF! “Look ex-husband, he’s so stand up he even turned away your girlfriend.” Lmao!
Wow, just read your whole story.. what a wild ride. Seriously wild. You checkmated that b*tch like no other. Now they’re both scrambling, they’re used to thinking they have the upper hand, and now they are both drowning in their own sh*t.
Does it get any more satisfying than that? IMO, if she’s showing up to his work?!.. at this point I think you should just drop the bomb of everything she said coming on to your bf. She has shat in your garden one too many times. What is stopping you? This is karma at its finest.
For the kids: You need to have a phone call with your ex, discuss this as adults, and make clear to keep the kids out of this. I don't trust the OW crazy vibes.
I feel like they’re angry because you’re no longer taking their crap and they thrive off of tearing you down. Now that you’ve met someone and happier, they hate that they can’t get to you and trying to tear you both down.
They don’t like that you moved on, because that means they don’t have the power to keep putting you down. Keep them out as much as possible, and block all unknown numbers. Maybe some legal action if necessary? They’re constantly harassing you two, I’d document everything just in case anything happens.
Oh my god keep the updates comming! This is freaking great.
Can i just say that you had the chance to crush this woman? This woman who has caused you so much pain and helped ruin your family and STILL tried to cause you pain afterwards? And what did you do? You didn't take it because you ARE the bigger person!
If that is not a boss move i don't know what is. Leave her and your cheating ex to ruin each other. Both you and your bf upgraded so much with your new partners. You're no longer taking their crap and you're both just winning in every way,