Woman dumps boyfriend over his female best friend; 'He talks about Kim a lot. Like a lot.' AITA? + Update with UNHINGED revenge
"I broke up with a guy because his best friend is a female"
athrowawayfordayz and ThrowRAkimbeck
This is a bit long so bear with me please. So I started seeing this new guy, “Beck”, a couple weeks ago. I had known him for awhile before we began dating. He is really sweet and awesome and the first three dates we went on went amazingly and I really enjoyed being with him.
Here’s the problem: He has a very close friend, “Kim”, who seems to constantly be in the picture. During date #4 he talked about her a lot. Like a lot, a lot. She was somehow the topic of every conversation and when I would try to change topics he’d always find his way drifting back to a memory the two of them shared together.
Granted, they grew up together, and also dated at some point so it would make sense that they would have lots of memories and chemistry. He also began telling me the trip the two of them are planning to take, how they were taking her car, staying at her family’s house, etc.
I tried to ignore it at first and just let it go, because I too have a close friend of the opposite sex but we NEVER do anything like what they do. Our relationship is platonic and the most we ever do is play X Box together.
I asked him to be my date to my brother's wedding since I had a plus one (This was after about 2 weeks of dating) and he declined, saying he had already made plans on that day to go bowling with some friends.
But after I spoke with a mutual friend of ours, I found out she was going to be there and that they had set it up together. I was thinking of it for awhile, and the more I thought of it, the more it bugged me.
So on our last date, I said I didn’t want to pursue a relationship anymore. He was confused because I had been acting “normal” up until this point. He asked me why and I told him.
I said “I’m sorry but it makes me uncomfortable how close you are with Kim, you talk about her a lot and she seems to be a big part of your life, and since we are not official and I would not try and tell you what to do, I’m just gonna walk away because it makes me uncomfortable.”
He DID NOT take it well. He said I was “giving him an ultimatum” and “trying to force him to choose” and that I was being manipulative. I insisted that I just wasn’t okay with it and did not want to date someone who had that kind of relationship with someone who wasn’t their girlfriend.
We WERE NOT officially bf/gf and I felt that I needed to break things off early before everything hit the fan. Well, I got an Uber home because I didn’t want him to drive me(he was fuming). and later that evening I get a text from a number I don’t recognize.
Can you guess who it was? Yup. Kim. Kim texted me a paragraph about how Beck was crazy about me and she thinks I’m wrong for judging her when I haven’t even met her, and how I hurt him and was being manipulative.
I responded saying I did not judge her at all, just that the nature of their relationship did not sit well with me and I wanted to end things before they got complicated. She responded saying that I need to give him another chance and that maybe me and her should meet so that I can see that she isn’t a threat and we could even be friends.
I didn’t respond to her, and shortly after, his mom and my mom texted me telling me I’m overreacting. It’s amassed into a much bigger deal than I had thought it would be. I don’t want to be with him or even try again because of how dramatic I feel that everyone is being.
I’ve repeatedly been accused of being “insecure” among other things and I literally cannot believe that It’s blown up like this. I’m not an insecure person, I just got a really bad vibe from the situation and didn’t want to be apart of it. Am I wrong for this? Should I give him another chance? Should I talk to this girl?
The very next day, the OP returned with an update.
athrowawayfordayz and ThrowRAkimbeck
Firstly, WOW! this post blew up on me more than my family did. So thank you guys! I figured I'd post an update with the proper account name so it won't get taken down and you guys can know what happened.
I did not respond to Kim but instead explained things to my mom and she sided with me completely. She told me that Beck had called his mom (who is a former coach of mine) and told her that I yelled at him and tried to manipulate him because I was feeling insecure. He said that I broke up with him when he wouldn't do as I said. And she presumably contacted my mom afterwards.
As you will see from my post, this was not true. I told my mom this and described the situation. She understood how I felt and why I left him and said that he sounded like a prick and she was happy I didn't bring him to my brothers party for his wedding.
I blocked Kim's number and did my best to gently explain to his mom what really had happened. (understanding the whole time she'd probably believe her son over me) but surprisingly, she didn't.
She did say that he genuinely cared about me and evidently I was a hot topic of conversation for awhile before all of this. Said he was crazy about me and was excited to see where our relationship would go. While she admitted her son was immature at times, but meant well. She was very nice about all of this so I really appreciated that.
I was genuine and understanding. I said that while I understood, I couldn't just ignore the red flags presented to me, and, since nothing has changed other than him trying to have other people convince me it's fine, well, then I made the right decision. She said she understood and that was the end of it. With her at least.
The worst with Kim did not end until I almost had to quit my Door Dash job. (it's not with Door Dash but for the sake of anonymity) I primarily deliver to elderly or families with children. But as I was unloading groceries out front of a house who had only ordered Bread, cheese, and bacon, I was a little confused but mostly just horrified when I realized who it was.
Kim had ordered from my line and gotten me to deliver to her house. She somehow found out I was working in her area (I didn't know it was her area) and I guess she did her best to get a hold of me. So yeah, I met her. Not by choice but I did. (she ordered from her mother's name im guessing because it wasn't a "kim" who had ordered)
She immediately began questioning me about if I was still talking to Beck, if we were gonna get back together, if I had gotten over myself yet. However her expression told me she already knew but was just trying to annoy me in every way possible.
Just in general being an absolute b-word. I was polite at first until she asked me about getting over myself to which I said (off of the internet's advice so its really your guys' fault LOL) if she had gotten over the fact that her boyfriend got dumped.
She didn't take that well and didn't take the bag of bacon I was trying to give her. Fine by me, because, legally, if a customer declines a product you bring them, you refund them and keep whatever it is since you usually can't return a food item. So I'm eating some crispy yummy freedom bacon as I type.
I left and it's been pretty quiet. I have a new date to my brothers wedding party thing, and he is definitely just a friend but Beck and Kim don't know that so I'm gonna be posting LOTS of pictures and dancing with him all night.
We've both planned on this btw and he knows everything so it's even funnier that way. Beck has been stalking my social media, liking and then unliking posts. He even reported a picture of mine that had me and another male in it.
He'll probably be like this for a little while longer and then drop everything but it's kind of funny to watch. I'm moving on, and overall am single, and happy. Thanks for the advice. Appreciate you guys. <3
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post and update:
dryadduinath
So Kim and Beck were made for each other. Invasive creeps on a pod.
Jakyland
Even if we assume OP was being insecure, the guy and his BFFs actions are clearly in the wrong. If someone you’re dating is incorrectly insecure about your best friend, why would you try to get back with them? And in any situation harassing someone into dating you is wrong. Which proves that OP was right to stop dating the guy.
dirtymouthariel
How much more pathetic can you get than tattling to your mom and getting her to go to other people's moms to make your case against someone you've been seeing for a whopping...two weeks?
peter095837
...I don't even know what in the hell is going on anymore.
Jigelipuf
All this over a two week relationship? Really? It’s insane!