Woman makes plan to kick out brother and parents waiting on a 'miracle from God.'
It can be deeply painful to set hard boundaries with family, even when it's clearly the healthiest thing for you.
Boundaries can feel like a rejection to people who've never set any, and the backlash can manifest as equal parts pain and manipulation. Especially, when people lean on beliefs that 'blood is thicker' no matter what.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for kicking out her parents and brother, potentially making them homeless.
She wrote:
AITA for being the reason my parents and brother may become homeless?
Let me preface this post by saying I love my family but I can't live with them anymore. I'm a single mom (34) and I’m doing my best to provide my daughter (15) with a good life. Right now, my parents (55, 58) and brother (32) live with me in a 2-bedroom apartment, which means I share a bedroom with my daughter.
I hate it because I want her to have her own space and be a normal teenager who slams their bedroom door shut and mopes around. It’s not possible because my parents use the other (bigger) bedroom and my brother sleeps in the living room. My parents are extremely religious and believe God will send them a miracle and they’ll have a wonderful, money-filled life soon.
The thing is, they’ve been waiting for this ‘miracle’ for more than 10 years now. They’ve been given ‘prophecies’ and dreams that indicate that God has ‘something big in store for them’. In the meantime, my dad lost his job and doesn’t work. My mom doesn’t work either. Every time I ask them when God will be delivering on those promises, they say ‘soon’ and we just have to be patient.
The sad thing is they really believe all that bull. I’m so tired of living with them because we don’t get along and my mom and I are regularly in some argument about the dumbest things. I get treated like a child and neither my nor my daughter's opinions are taken seriously.
My and my daughter’s social lives have suffered because we can’t bring anyone to my place as they’ll be confronted by a messy living room since my brother isn’t the cleanest person and my parents are always at home. My brother has an online writing job, but it takes him weeks to complete his work and he doesn’t get paid that much, so he’s not contributing to our living costs.
My parents don’t contribute anything either. My daughter’s mental health is also suffering because she doesn’t get along with my parents (she tries her best to) because of how obnoxiously religious they are. I know that her anxiety and depression (and my own) will be easier to handle in a healthy way when we’re in our own place.
I’m planning to move away but that will mean my parents and brother won’t have someone to pay their rent or buy them food anymore-they’ll be homeless. AITA for considering leaving them behind and getting a place for me and my daughter?
People kept it real with OP in the comments.
Buck_Slamchest wrote:
NTA. I know many will probably go with the religious angle, but that aside, you've put your life on hold to give them a roof over their heads and look after them and they seem to be doing nothing in return.
Give them plenty of notice but tell them that nothing will change your mind. It'll be absolute hell as they'll try all sorts of emotional blackmail but you have to put yours and your daughter's wellbeing first. It's an awful situation to be in though so you certainly have my sympathy.
DoIwantToKnow6417 wrote:
Matthew 25:14-30 ESV - The Parable of the Talents
Tell your parents God gave them talents to take care of themselves. They're being passive. God doesn't like that. He's not going to just give them money. They need to be worthy, and not using the talents He gave them, is not making them worthy.
Maybe that will wake them up. NTA for wanting what is best for your daughter. SHE is your child and your responsibility. Not your parents, not your brother.
OkHistory3944 wrote:
Your parents have received a miracle financial windfall and they don't even recognize it: they have someone to milk off of. I'm guessing your brother doesn't work (or at least contribute) so basically, you're enabling all of them to enjoy the free-ride lifestyle. Why would they change?
You're obviously a kind person. It's time to be kind to yourself and put you and your daughter first for a change. Find a new place for you and your daughter then give them notice that they will not be moving with you. Under no circumstances! AND inform them you will not be giving them any money or putting anything for them in your name.
When they realize their gravy train is coming to an end, it may motivate them to perform or perish. Either way, it won't be your problem anymore. Then get into counseling so you can make sense of the dynamic you've been guilted into your entire life and how toxic it's been for your daughter.
Straight-Singer-2912 wrote:
Absolutely NTA. Find out the rules in your area to evict someone. Give them official notice that they have whatever time it is (30 days? 60 days? 90 days?) to move out, after which you will start the eviction process. You COULD try to ask nicely first, and hear them out. If they do not make movement to get out, then escalate it.
But their 'wishful thinking' makes me believe you will have to formally evict them. START THE PROCESS NOW. It's affecting your daughter. That is all you need to have as a reason to kick them out. GIVE HER THE LIFE SHE DESERVES. As it stands now, you've given that life to your parents and brother instead. Good luck.
ziggy029 wrote:
NTA. Your first responsibility is to your child, not your adult family. And as a Christian myself I think it sucks that they are using God as a crutch to try to guilt you into letting them stay.
Frankly, I think providing a 60-90 day notice would be more than fair. At 58 and 55, as long as your parents are physically able to work, they should be, not leeching off their daughter using God and family as an excuse (I’m 57 myself).
Clearly, OP is NTA for doing what she needs to for herself and her daughter.