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'AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?'

'AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?'


"AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?"

We’re both women so no se@ist comments. We currently live separately and are talking about moving in together except we’ve hit a snag. She rents and pays roughly $3000 in rent, utilities, and insurance. I outright own a house that my brothers gave to me as a graduation gift. My utilities, insurance, and property tax is roughly $2500 a month.

She makes about $50,000 a year while I make about $300,000. All of this culuminated into the argument we’re currently in. I asked her to pay $1250 a month when she moves in to cover the cost of living here.

I thought that was a reasonable request since there will be 2 people living here and that’s half of my cost. She disagrees and thinks it’s unreasonable since I’ll incur those cost whether or not she lives with me.

I asked her what she thought was fair and her first answer was that she shouldn’t have to contribute anything since the house was in my name and she doesn’t have ownership. That led to an argument until she relented and offered to pay based on our income. Since I make 6 times her salary, she said the only fair thing is for her to pay 1/6 the cost, so roughly $400 a month.

I thought this was unrealistic but she argued that it’s fair since I don’t even need her money because I don’t have a mortgage and make so much more. I love her and never thought money would be an issue but here we are. What do you all think?

People did not hold back on OP.

He_Who_Is_Person wrote:

All I can say is that if I loved someone and made six f#$king times what they made, I wouldn't be asking that.

mathwhilehigh1 wrote:

Wow, she pays 3k a month on 50k per year? That’s nuts. I’m not even sure how that is possible. I think her proposal for $400 a month is fair honestly. If you guys are planning to build a life together, that makes sense considering your income. Maybe make it $650 as a compromise. NAH.

Cute-Sheepherder3540 wrote:

IDK, If my girlfriend who made 50k/year wanted to move into my house that I own outright and I made 300k/year, I likely wouldn't even make her pay. That said, I think paying based on income is extremely fair for a loved one.

Especially when you consider that your ratio of discretionary income is even larger than 1-6. I do wonder how she could afford 3000 in rent, but that's another thing. I'm going to go with YTA.

Mindless_Curve_946 wrote:

JFC where do you live that your utilities, rent, and insurance are $2500? Yes, what you’re offering is better than her $3K in rent…but your incomes are wildly, wildly different. Like…you have a partnership…but she’s essentially impoverished while you can pretty much do anything you want whenever you want.

You don’t want to feel taken advantage of (and ultimately resentful), but she wants to feel like a partner, instead of like she’s left out in the cold to struggle while her partner is ridiculously comfortable (which will also inevitably lead to resentment).

There’s a middle ground somewhere, if neither of you is feeling enough generous enough toward the other to pursue it, I’d ask if you’re feeling connected enough to want to stay in this relationship.

Edit: Judgement: a little bit of ESH.

Edit 2: ooops - I totally meant “property tax” not “rent”. Like… that’s a…multi-million dollar home OP was just gifted at graduation? That’s wild.

No-Locksmith-8590 wrote:

Yta you make six times as much as her and want her to pay an equal percentage? With such a HUGE difference, the percentage method is more fair. You want her to spend a huge chunk of her salary while you pay a much, much smaller percentage.

mfruitfly wrote:

NAH, maybe E S H but let's be nice. She should absolutely pay something, for sure. Not just because there will be increased costs in utilities and wear and tear on the home, but because you will now be sharing the home, so you should get some relief from bills and have her contribute.

But, she isn't getting any equity in the home, so having her pay half is unfair, to me, especially when you add that you make so much more than her. I wouldn't charge a person half the costs of a home if they weren't getting any equity. I'd say 1/3 to 1/4 of the home costs is fair. Then add to that, will she have full access to the home? Does she get an equal vote in decor, in renovations?

Will she have 50% of all the space in the home? If she doesn't have equal access, space, and decision-making, then I'd lean more to her paying 1/4 of the costs of the home. You both approached this from different perspectives, and you are both wrong, but not AH's yet. So come up with a compromise, BEFORE you move in together.

You also need to decide if you are splitting things 50/50 or by income, and you need to decide that now. If you do 50/50 for everything (bills, vacations, dinner out, groceries) then the budget has to be based on the lower income.

For example, you can't decide to get an internet package that is $300 a month and have her pay half, if her budget only allows for $50 a month for internet. If you want to take a vacation together and you want to split the bill, you can't expect 5 star hotels and first class flights. If you want those things, you should be willing to pay more than her- not everything, just more than she does.

People truly cannot agree on a ruling here, but it's not looking good for OP and her GF if they can't figure this out.

Sources: Reddit
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