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Man upset chef gf told him he isn't qualified to wash dishes in her restaurant.

Man upset chef gf told him he isn't qualified to wash dishes in her restaurant.


This might be a tough mess to clean up.

One man got into an unexpected fight with his chef girlfriend when he thought he was trying to be helpful. She was overwhelmed doing multiple jobs at her highend restaurant on top of being the head chef. When he offered to help with the dishes, he had no idea the cabinet he was opening.

AITA for saying dishwashing is unskilled labor?


I've been seeing this girl for 3 months who I'm pretty into. She's a professional chef, hot, and a basically a badass. She smokes pot and drinks a lot more than me but other than that I have no complaints.

She's very assertive because she has to be in her line of work and luckily I'm into that (if you know what I mean).

She works at an upscale bar (hence the drinking) where the food is really important and she's super talented so her dishes get written up in our local media which is so cool.

It feels a bit like dating a celebrity when we go out because she seems to know all the 'industry' people and we get free drinks and stuff.

The problem came up when she was complaining about her job, which she does a lot. She says her boss is unsupportive and won't hire more help for the kitchen.

Right now she does almost everything herself so her hours are crazy long and she's stressed all the time. I agree it doesn't make sense to be so short staffed because it seems like the bar is always busy and they make good money. The owner is an old-school boomer guy who thinks she's overreacting (or so she says).

I don't like feeling helpless when she complains about work so I offered to help wash dishes one night so she wouldn't have to work until 3am and we could go out. I made a lot of money in tech and retired early so I have some time on my hands.

She looked surprised and laughed and said 'thank you for the offer'. I was kind of hoping she would turn me down but the way she said it was kinda patronizing so I pressed a bit.

She went into professional mode and asked if I'd ever washed dishes before. I said, yes, obviously, but not in a restaurant or anything. Now she looked really annoyed and asked why I thought I could just jump in and wash dishes without any experience.

I laughed at this and said anyone could wash dishes. Teenagers do it as their first job. She got offended and said I didn't understand the realities of kitchen work because it's not easy and dishwashers are the most important person in the restaurant.

I thought that was a huge exaggeration. I worked at a Wendy's in high school and it's the same damn skill set. What she does is skilled but washing dishes is not skilled labor.

She said 'there's no such thing as unskilled labor' and 'I'd take you up on your offer if I thought you wouldn't mess up service'. I thought that was really rude and misguided (no such thing as unskilled labor? Are you kidding me?) and told her so.

She told me I was condescending and presumptuous and she gets enough of that from her boss. The date was awkward for a while until she smiled and changed the subject but now I can't stop wondering if her boss doesn't have a point about her overreacting. AITA?

Here is what readers had to say:


She, an experience chef, told you that dishwashers are the most important person in the restaurant. You, who haven't worked in a food establishment since high school are discounting her experience.

You worked at a Wendy's which has a fixed menu, doesn't serve food on plates with flatware and uses paper cups. Dishwashing at a fast food restaurant is not the same as at full service restaurant.

Your attempt to wash dishes *would* disrupt service at your date's restaurant. Fitting in with a team of workers and know what to do is a key part to running a successful restaurant kitchen.

Washing dishes may be a humble position, but it's absolutely crucial to the running of the kitchen. It's similar to engine oil in a car: you don't realize how crucial it is until the engine seizes.

You are dating someone who works full time in a professional cooking environment and you responded as condescending AH. OP, YTA


I washed dishes in high school. First shift I had it figured it out with approximately 3 minutes of explanation. It's not hard.


YTA, but it doesn't take a Skilled Labourer to see that. There's No Such Thing As Unskilled Labour is such a big point here. It is so easy to look from the outside and see ourselves as more technical or capable than people who do simple jobs, but there is always more going on than we see from the outside.

There is an understanding of timing and efficiency, the specifics of how to get things done, where things need to be and when, how to work in these environments. All of these skills are gained through hours and hours of practice.

I used to work on boat repair as a volunteer. I was the lowest, most unskilled person on the team. But after hours and hours, I learned how to most effectively sand down fiberglass, how to redo hulls, the paint and scrapers that we needed to use, how to layout the equipment I'd need, at exactly what point I needed to switch to hand sanding, etc.

Many people would look down on that work, but 30 minutes after trying it, would probably be tired and annoyed. There is skill built in experience. You need to learn to respect that, my dude.

Additionally, look at the source, OP. The source is someone who has put countless hours into her craft and is obviously recognised for it. If she, someone who many would consider 'highly skilled' is telling you that there are certain skills necessary to be a dishwasher in a busy restaurant kitchen, you need to listen.


'unskilled labor' means you do not need pre-existing skills to start the job. That doesn't mean the job is 'easy' but the point is that any determined person can walk off the street and do the job (with perhaps some on the job instruction).


Show me a busy kitchen where you can be an effective dishwasher without training on both the equipment and what to prioritize.


I'm a chef of a decade working between 40 pax fine dining and 2000pax functions, and this is the biggest load of sh*t I have ever read in my life, most dishies are stoned students or basically apprentices

Dishy the literal position you get put in when you first walk into a kitchen with 0 experience, saying a fully grown and I'm assuming mostly sober adult is incapable of washing dishes is actually dumb as sh*t.

She doesn't want to work with her partner and is making excuses, that's it, but to say you need experience to be a dishy is laughable.


Are we also going to ignore how his offer was fake? Op said they hoped she would turn down the help. I really don't like it when people offer help without meaning it.

So do you think his chef was exaggerating or does her boyfriend not understand the highstake back of house stress that comes from working in a fine dining restraurant?

Sources: Reddit
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