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'My ex broke my heart so I decided to get revenge by playing him at his own game.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

'My ex broke my heart so I decided to get revenge by playing him at his own game.' AITA? UPDATED 2X

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"My ex broke my heart so I broke him."

I (28F) dated a guy for almost 3 years. To make it easy to understand, I'll refer to my ex as Sam(28M). It was a long distance relationship(I'm from the west coast and he's from the east coast). We met through a dating app and we hit it right off. The first few months was great, we had so much in common and to me it really seemed like this relationship was going to be serious.

He was my first boyfriend. I held off on dating to focus on my studies and my career. He supported me throughout my masters and my career development and I helped him through major life changes that he was going through. I had always wanted a "first and last" relationship. I thought I had hit the jackpot with this guy.

I travel a lot for my job. The company sends me out to different states to attend conferences, conduct training, etc. and most of these conferences are held in Sam's hometown. Even though it was a long distance relationship, we would see each other more often because of the convenience of my job.

I would stay in his apartment whenever I was there and he would also fly to my hometown and stay at my apartment for weeks at a time. Everything was great until after our 1st anniversary.

He started to become distant. During this time, I hadn't been able to fly down to his hometown because I was busy with training in our office. I never made him feel like he was less of a priority and I would always text him throughout the day.

Whenever we were together, I basically did what I thought a good girlfriend should do(I've never had experience so I just did what I thought was right like giving him attention, making him feel seen and heard, being patient with him, allowing him to go out with his friends whenever he wanted to, etc.) I really thought I was doing good for my first relationship.

Until he asked for a break. I admit, I did beg and cry when he asked for it but ultimately, I couldn't do anything and decided to accept it and move on. I was heartbroken but I poured my attention to my job and eventually got promoted. 2 months passed and Sam reached out to me with a really really long message.

Basically he was apologizing for the sudden breakup without an explanation and he explained why he had to do it and that he loved me and he knew that he was wrong but if I wasn't willing to give him a 2nd chance then he would just settle for us being friends because he said I was a great person and a great friend.

My trust was ruined at this point but I wasn't really mad at him and I admit that I still loved him so we decided on starting all over again but as friends. To make it short, we ended up dating again after 5 months.

I really thought this was like his redemption arc and he'd be more attentive and loving towards me and he was...for like 3 months and then he started being distant again. I slowly noticed a pattern with his actions. I asked a close friend of mine for some advice and she told me that Sam was breadcrumbing(?) me. He would give me attention and love and then suddenly stop so I would start to beg for more.

After our second anniversary(we still kept our old anniversary date and celebrated that as our anniversary) he suddenly ghosted me. No message, no nothing. I was blocked on everything. I couldn't call or text his number. Nada. This time, I wasn't as heartbroken.

Instead, I was contemplating what the heck this man was trying to do to me. He was toying with my emotions when all I had given him was genuine love. It started to piss me off but again, I didn't want to do anything about it and just moved on.

3 months go by and Sam was back in my DMs. This time with a different message. He wasn't asking for another chance or anything, he was just explaining why he had done it. Basically it was all half-assed explanations(he was leaving his old job and he got busy with a new job and he didn't have time for me so he thought he'd get everything done before he would fly down to my hometown and reconcile)

he asked if he could come and visit me and we can talk it all out. During this time, I had found out that during the time we were together, he was cheating on me and apparently it didn't work out with that girl so he came back to me. He had done this in the past as well(all of this was confirmed by a friend I had who moved to his hometown who became my source of intel)

This is when I felt a switch turn on in my head. I knew what he was doing and instead of turning him down and just move on, I wanted him to feel the way I felt when he did all of this to me. I told him he could come and visit me and that I'll be waiting for him. At this point, I knew he knew I was acting out of character. He asked me if I was really okay with meeting him and talking things out and I said yes.

A week passed and he actually flew down to my hometown and he had the audacity to come to my apartment and stay with me for 3 weeks. I welcomed him with open arms nonetheless. We talked and he apologized over and over again. He kept insisting that he wasn't good enough for me to give him another chance.

He kept saying how much of an asshole he was for doing that to me and I never deserved all of that. He would understand if I wanted to throw him out right then and there. I hugged him and told him that I still loved him and that I wanted to make things work between us.

He was taken aback because he wasn't expecting this reaction from me. I told him that he was the only one who understood me and I never felt this kind of attraction with anyone else. He hugged me back and told me how much he missed me and how much he loved me. We agreed to spend the 3 weeks together "rebuilding our relationship".

For the next 3 weeks, I treated him like a king. Showering him with love and affection. Cooking for him, making all of his favorite dishes. We would go out on dates almost every night. I bought him video games that he liked and I would let him play all night while I sit next to him and just watch him enjoy himself.

I slept with him every night. He would whisper words of love for me after we did the deed and it was exactly what I wanted. 3 weeks was up and he had to fly back to his hometown. He couldn't keep his hands away from me the day before he had to leave.

He kept telling me how much he wanted to stay and live with me. I played right into his fantasy and told him I wanted that as well (I, in fact, did not want that at all). I told him I'd come and visit him the next chance I get. When he left, I felt relieved. Faking everything was exhausting but I wasn't done yet.

We kept texting, calling and facetiming each other when he got back to his hometown. Something he rarely wanted to do with me before. I wanted to drive him mad, I wanted to drive him crazy like what he almost made me went through. I started ignoring his texts and calls until he became desperate. I would make up some excuse about being super busy and that I would make it up to him.

Next thing I did was to randomly post pictures of me and some male coworkers that would make it seem like we were on a date. I would post them on my IG story and quickly deleting it once Sam had viewed them. He would blow up and start calling me asking who that was and where I was. I would tell him "what are you talking about babe?

I've been so busy I haven't even gotten the time to be on my phone" which is an obvious blatant lie but the more I did it, the more Sam started to question himself. Started to question if he truly saw what he saw. He would apologize and admit that he missed me so much and wanted to be with me as soon as possible. He was slowly becoming obsessed with me and that's what I was hoping for.

It got to the point where it drove him mad whenever I started to act coldly towards him. I would always play dumb whenever he would ask why I was acting so cold. He would ask if I wanted to break up with him and I would say "why would I do that? You're the only one for me". Whenever I would say those words, his face would go from relieved to worried in a split second.

I kept doing all of these for months until the slight thought of me leaving him drove him insane. He once flew down to my hometown unannounced when I was acting cold towards him. He banged on my door at 10pm and he only brought a backpack with him with a few clothes.

He clung to me that night and obviously I reassured him that I wasn't going to leave him and I once again slept with him. I blew his mind. He had to fly home the next day and I reassured him that I'll always be here for him.

Little did he know that I'll be temporarily sent to Europe for a month long training and I'm not planning on contacting him. The moment I leave, I'm blocking him on everything and I'll be deleting all of my social media accounts. AITA? Probably.

What do you think? AITA? Does he deserve this? Here's what top commenters had to say:

said:

“You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

said:

you guys are perfectly toxic for one another

said:

I'm just wondering why spend the energy.

said:

Yeah, this is a bit overwhelming to me to read over. Like, it's fine to sometimes show someone their own just deserts, but OP is absorbed into this campaign. When someone has gotten into your head, the best thing in life is to step away. For some of these relationship games the only way to win is not to play.

OP needs to decide if she loves him. If she does, have an authentic relationship with him and leave him if he does not reciprocate. If she does not love him, leave him and let him fail in life until he learns his lesson. Selfish young lovers sometimes change. But their redemption arc is rarely short term, nor rarely with that original partner.

Some people are emotionally stunted, selfish, and prideful because they had a mediocre upbringing that did not show them the true value of others. Or they are simply self centered and unappreciative of a sincere partner.

I have seen the world break this type before (the type who is being a bad partner out of ignorance and petty reasons, I am not talking about hardened serial cheaters who view the other gender as just a living toy).

said:

Cut him off for once! He doesn't even deserve you all the energy waste It's time to move on for real.

said:

Agree, total waste of time. I would dump him the second he wanted a break. You dont get to have a break like wtf is that. Why do people hold breaks in a realationship?? Just break up then

OP later shared these two updates on the situation:

UPDATE: I said I was gonna post an update after a week but like someone had said in the comments, we never really know what people can do. I have a ring camera set up on my door. On the second day that I left, I was curious if anyone had been by my apartment.

To my surprise(not really) I saw a frantic Sam banging on my door. Based on the footage that I saw, he was there for a good 2 hours before a neighbor went out and talked to him. vThis might have been my downfall since I wasn't really expecting my neighbor to actually talk to Sam while he was there.

I'm friendly with my neighbors and the day I had left, I had blabbed that I was heading to Europe for work-related stuff since they asked why I had luggage with me. It seems like they told Sam about it and he immediately ran out of my apartment building. I honestly wasn't expecting him to do anything since he had the audacity to cheat so maybe he'd just call it quits and move on. Nope. I was wrong.

We had a common friend, let's just call her Vee. Well we didn't really talk to Vee much because she was busy with her life(SAHM with 3 kids) since we didn't talk to her much,

I forgot to tell her about what happened with Sam(I had informed my friends and all our common friends to not give Sam my number or to not contact me when he asks) and when she called me, I answered not knowing it was gonna be Sam.

He asked where I was in a very frantic voice, almost on the verge of tears. I very plainly said "Oh you really don't need to know right? Like how I didn't need to know about Lisa(the girl he cheated on me with)" he was very quiet for a while and I thought about hanging up. He immediately went on an apology overload. Giving all the cliche reasons like he made a mistake, it wasn't like that, etc.

He was begging for another chance, a chance to finally make things right. He was really serious about us and he wanted to fight for our relationship. I just replied with "Maybe in the next life bud" and I hung up. I blocked Vee's number for the meantime until I was sure he had left. This morning I had unblocked Vee's number and I received a text saying "I'm not giving up on us" I ignored it and went on with my day.

The update is kinda anticlimactic but I'm sure he got my message. And to answer some of the comments, yes I know its a waste of time doing this whole revenge thing but I don't really care, it was totally worth it for me.

UPDATE 2: THIS AH SHOWED UP IN GERMANY AND NOW WON'T STOP BLOWING UP MY PHONE.

This man found a way to track me down and is now here in Germany and trying to find me. He got a hold of me once and told me his plan and I blew up at him and said "You cheated!! Why can't you just go and be with that other woman or be with someone else?? I already made it clear that you're out of my life!!" He insisted he didn't cheat and that he wants to "fix" our relationship.

On one hand, I completely underestimated what he can do but on the other hand, I'm draining his bank account with what he's doing. Do I regret it? Nope.

Sources: Reddit
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