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'My roommate stormed out after I made dinner for her hungry boyfriend, AITA?' UPDATED

'My roommate stormed out after I made dinner for her hungry boyfriend, AITA?' UPDATED


"AITA for Feeding for My Roommate's Hungry Boyfriend?"

Here's the original post:

For the past eight months, my roommate Taylor (24, F) and I (22) have been sharing a flat, and our cohabitation has generally been smooth due to our tendency to keep to ourselves and not have much interaction. Taylor's boyfriend, Tristan, who lives about an hour away from her, comes over for dinner once a week.

Throughout these dinner nights, I have never witnessed Taylor and Tristan cooking a fresh homemade meal, as they usually opt for fast food or prepare frozen meals for dinner, and while I hold no judgment towards them for this choice, this detail becomes significant later in the story.

About four nights ago, I returned home from work to find Tristan in our kitchen. As I began preparing my own dinner, I struck up a conversation with him. Being from a Mediterranean/Middle Eastern culture, I take pride in my cooking skills, having learned everything from the women in my family. Tristan couldn't help but comment on how incredible the meal smelled.

Normally, I don't share my food as I budget my grocery expenses for one person. However, seeing that he appeared genuinely hungry, I decided to offer him some of my food. By the time Taylor joined us in the kitchen, he was already on his second plate.

After Tristan explained the situation to her, Taylor gave me a side-eye but remained silent, proceeding to cook some frozen chicken nuggets for herself. As they engaged in conversation, I continued cleaning up my dishes, minding my own business.

Later, Tristan asked if he could have the recipe so that he could share it with his mom and she could try cooking the same dish. I suggested that I would message Taylor later about it. At this point, Taylor made a sarcastic comment about the meal being so good that even a picky eater like Tristan enjoyed it. Trying to maintain a lighthearted atmosphere, I attributed the deliciousness to my mama's cooking.

In a semi-joking manner, Tristan then suggested that I cook for all three of them sometime, offering to pay for the meal and even bring free wine. We all shared a laugh, but Taylor seemed visibly disturbed by the idea and expressed that she wasn’t interested in my cultural dishes (despite never having tasted them).

Brushing off her slightly racist comment, I responded that once someone gets past the initial smell, the dishes taste heavenly. Tristan agreed. Unexpectedly, Taylor became very upset and started scolding her boyfriend for enjoying my "smelly food," suggesting that from then on, we two should have dinner together.

She stormed off to her room, and Tristan followed her after apologizing to me. Since that incident, Taylor has started doing things she previously agreed not to do, such as tying up garbage bags and leaving them in the kitchen instead of properly disposing of them. Before I confront Taylor about her recent actions, I want to know if I am in the wrong in this situation. AITA?

What do you think? Did she do anything wrong? This is what top commenters had to say:

el_grande_ricardo said:

NTA. There was a guest in your home, you were cooking, they were hungry. What were you supposed to do? Eat in front of him? Assure Taylor you were not hitting on her boyfriend (unless you were). Ask her how she wants such situations handled in the future. (Not because you did anything wrong, but because you have to live with her.)

Ok-Context1168 said:

NTA. Wow, I'd hate to feel this insecure. She also sounds jealous. And berating someone who likes "smelly" food? She needs to grow up.

atmasabr said:

NTA. It seems to me you both did something to head off Taylor's jealousy, which I think would be perfectly understandable, and Tristan went further. Taylor needs to watch her temper.

Rich-398 said:

NTA - but you are in the middle of an issue between them. This isn't your fault. This is Taylor being jealous without real cause. Taylor is probably going to be hurt no matter what you say, but do apologize for the misunderstanding, not what you did, and then confront her on her recent actions.

hibernativenaptosis said:

NTA. She's insecure and acting irrationally. Tristan needs to learn to read the room though.

Verdict: NTA.

Two days after her original post, she shared this update:

So, after having a very long talk, Taylor and I managed to make up. I confronted her about her outburst towards me and the neglect of house chores, but I tried to keep my tone softer than intended, seeing that she looked pretty depressed. During our conversation, I learned that Tristan had been pressuring her to learn cooking from his mother and online to make their dinners more enjoyable.

She explained that she was trying, but her busy schedule with work and school made it hard to find time for cooking lessons. Last week, for the first time ever, she attempted to cook something for their weekly dinner (I wasn't at home, so I didn't know), but unfortunately, it ended up burnt and with other mistakes.

She felt awful about not being able to cook, and after our incident, she felt hurt by Tristan appreciating my food instead of being understanding about her struggles. Taylor mentioned that she wasn't necessarily jealous of me, but she felt like Tristan didn't care about her feelings when he kept complimenting my cooking despite knowing her insecurities on this topic.

She apologized for blowing up on me and acknowledged that her actions with neglecting chores just to annoy me were wrong. During our conversation, she mentioned that she finds my food to be smelly, and the kitchen retains the food odor for a long time after cooking.

I assured her that I would take measures to minimize the lingering smells by opening windows while cooking and using air fresheners afterward to neutralize any strong odors. I also offered to teach her a few simple recipes when she has some spare time, hoping it would make her feel better about cooking.

I emphasized the importance of cooking for herself and her well-being rather than just for her boyfriend, as her current eating habits weren't healthy for her body. I even offered to show her my meal prep routine, which would allow her to spend less time cooking and still have food ready in the fridge when she gets home.

In the end, I believe we are on good terms now. I want to thank everyone for their comments and support throughout this situation.

Sources: Reddit
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