Guy asks if he's wrong to have GF and daughter stay over; roommate objects.
Living with roommates is the worst. In a perfect world, even married people would have their own houses for when they needed a break. But life isn't fair, and most of us have to share a house with friends, family, loved one, or often random strangers at some point.
In a post on Reddit a guy shares a strange story about having his girlfriend and her child over, a LOT. It's also interesting that he doesn't introduce the daughter until he feels he's given a lot of other background details. Here's the story in his words...
Hello everyone, so I (37m) have a gf (35f) who has been spending most nights at my apartment. She even has some of her stuff in just my room and in my bathroom (her storage unit is full, and where her apartment is there isn't much space–she pays rent at her sisters apartment, where 4 people live already).
So far, if I'm the roommate, I'm like, 'how is any of this my problem?'
My roommate (29f) has been having issues with her spending most nights at the apartment. She feels like my gf is moving in without her being in the loop about it.
I honestly don't feel like she is moving in, since all of her stuff is strictly in my room. The common areas have none of her things, and we hardly ever use the common areas (maybe once a week?) as my roommate is usually in there watching TV, even though most of the stuff in the living room is mine.
Justifcations are like a**holes, everyone's got one, and you're probably one if you're using a lot of them.
My roommate says that my gf doesn't pay rent or utilities, so she shouldn't be there and that we need to set strict rules on how often she is over. She says my gf shouldn't be here so much if she isn't on the lease/etc. I said that I could get all of that arranged and make it official, to which my roommate just said 'No'.
I pay significantly more rent even though I don't have the master bedroom (my roommate does and she has her own private bath and *plenty* of space to call her own), and the utilities my gf does use, are negligible at most (I compared bills, its maybe a two dollar difference?).
Why do you pay more?
My GF's daughter (9) does spend the night maybe 4-5 days a week at the apartment, but she is relatively quiet, doesn't bother my roommate and sleeps on an inflatable mattress either in my room or in the living room.
My roommate *usually* goes to bed around 8 or 9pm, so if my roommate goes to her room, we move my GF's daughter to the living room that way everyone can have a bit more privacy. We have asked my roommate maybe twice what time she is planning on going to bed so we can try to adjust our plans if need be.
So first your girlfriend is no trouble at all, and now you have a child sleeping on an air matress in the living room.
Notes: My roommate frequently leaves the front door unlocked with nobody home, even though I've asked her plenty of times to please lock it behind her. Any mess that is made by us is immediately cleaned up. If my roommate is home she is always in the common areas.
We try to keep noise down to a minimum, and adjust if my roommate complains (I've also asked to make sure she doesn't hear anything, but thankfully the walls are fairly thick in this apartment). My roommate also sometimes watches dogs for extra money in the apartment without asking me about it.
This apartment is starting to sound more like a child/doggy daycare. Maybe they should just go into business together. Also, great idea combining child and doggy daycare. Don't steal that idea.
She just tells me the dates that there will be dogs in the apartment, which I also help walk if my roommate decides to spend hours away from the apartment (which is frequent).
So... Reddit.... AITA for having my GF/GF's child over most nights even though we respect everyone's privacy and space as much as we possibly can?
Here are some of the top comments and responses from OP:
Virulencer writes:
YTA. I really feel like you are downplaying the daughters presence. 4 to 5 days a week is a lot of time and you are telling me that a nine year old isn't being a typical nine year old while she is there?
This space is just as much your roommates as it is yours and you should both be respectful of that. If the situation is really as bad as you think it is, then why don't you and your girlfriend just get your own place?
Bats_are_cuter writes:
YTA but honestly your flatmates annoyance is nothing compared to this poor kid. She has to sleep on an air mattress in your room or the lounge? So I guess she puts in the lounge when you guys wanna have sex? Urgh she needs soooo much more.
I would have voted ESH as I think the mum is ultimately responsible for looking after her kid, but that would imply flatmate is in the wrong.
Agitated-Evening1791 OP responded:
Typically no, she wants to sleep in the living room. I do agree that best case scenario she would have her own space.
El_Ren writes:
INFO: How would you feel if your roommate had her partner and their child over 5 nights a week as well, in addition to your partner and her child being there the same number of days per week?
Agitated-Evening1791 OP responded:
I would be fine with it as long as everyone was respectful.
ConsiderationCrazy22 writes:
YTA just for imposing a kid on your roommate 4/5 out of 7 nights a week when she didn’t sign up or agree to live with a child. If I were her I would’ve lost my shit and asked you to move elsewhere by now, especially if GF is not contributing.
Also, why can you not get your own apartment with your GF?
Agitated-Evening1791 OP responded:
I've said it before, but my roommate can't afford to live somewhere else right now/take over the apartment costs/find a leasee that would pay what I pay.
dncnexus writes:
I think you got your answer on if you are the asshole or not. Every single response has been YTA.
Agitated-Evening1791 OP responded:
Oh for sure.
katersgonnakate5 writes:
YTA, and really combative in the comments too. Get your head out of your a** and start actually providing a home for that 9 year old. 4/5 nights on an air mattress is hardly stable. And let your roommate actually live the life that any human deserves: having peace in their own home.
Agitated-Evening1791 OP responded:
I honestly don't see how responding to comments in a respectful way is combative, I'm just trying to elaborate when I can.I mean...Other than this one and maybe a few others. lol
RavenEnchantress writes:
How about you sleep in an air mattress for 4-6 nights and then you’ll see the comments are not combative. We are just amazed at how dense you are
Agitated-Evening1791 OP responded:
I mean... I would?
While this post was being written Agitated-Evening1791 deleted their account. I guess they couldn't stand the fire, so they got out of the kitchen. Hopefully there wasn't a 9 year old sleeping there.
