Guy promises to 'always be there' for girl; roommate furious about late night calls.
My friend and I rented a room together for our first semester of college. I moved from a different city and we're going to a school in his home city. There was a friend I left behind when I moved out of college who has mental issues and was dependent on me for support.
She was distraught that I was moving, but I made a promise to her that I would always be available to talk to any time of the day or night. Because of this I never put my phone on silent.
She calls a lot late at night because of her schedule, that's when she's able to talk. I don't mind so much because I'm a night person and have insomnia. My friend/roommate however has started complaining that it wakes him up and asks if I could put my phone on silent at night. I said no.
I go out of my way to talk quietly on the phone, but he says the ringing wakes him up and me talking keeps him awake, sometimes for a long time. I suggested ear plugs or headphones and he seemed pissed.
To make matters worse my friend seems like he's starting to resent me and her for it. She was talking about moving here and I asked my friend if he could ask our apartment complex if we have any open rooms.
He said no and said that from what he's heard he doesn't like her and thinks she's manipulative. This pissed me off. He shouldn't be saying that, and how hard would it be for him to do a simple thing like that and help me out. Isn't he supposed to be my friend? I would do it for him.
I'm a person of my word and don't want to break this promise to her. Frankly I've known her longer and her well being is a priority to me. I don't get why it would be so hard for him to get earplugs or something.
I'm paying for the bedroom too and I have a right to use it as my space. I think her well being is more important than the inconvenience of my roommate having to wear earplugs or something.
AITA?
EDIT: Just for clarity it doesn't happen every night. I've known this girl since COVID lockdown (met during lockdown) and only known my roommate for a few months. I literally told her that I promise with all of my heart and soul.
Comments:
CandidManic asks:
Your old roommate and you shared one room. Do you and the new roommate also share one room or are you in a living room or your own room when you talk to her?
Big-Drama-2771 OP responded:
We share a room
jrm1102 says:
That is unnecessarily dramatic and sounds like you two don’t have a healthy relationship.
Take the call outside.
Big-Drama-2771 OP responded:
It seems ridiculous to me that I can't take a phone call in my own bedroom that I'm paying for - don't I have just as much of a right to use my room as my roommate? Plus, he would probably still complain about the ringer waking him up.
jrm1102 says:
YTA - you’re severely over complicating this issue. This has nothing to do with your other friend and your relationship. You’re an AH for waking up your roommate by talking on the phone. Unless it’s a literal life or death emergency you just don’t do that.
Big-Drama-2771 OP responded:
She's unwell and I made a promise to her. I don't break promises.
painted_unicorn says:
YTA absolutely. Jesus dude how is it hard to understand he literally can't sleep because you insist on answering phone calls at all hours PLUS having whole conversations? Why are you and her so much more important than him? And your friend is moving there why don't you just move in with her, solves all your problems and gives your roommate some peace.