Woman declares war on mooching roommate, padlocks the toiletries. AITA?
Roommates are just friends you don't hate yet.
It sounds harsh, but we have all had our friendships strained by shared living situations. When you live with other people, it is a a delicate balancing act of compromise. If you have ever had a roommate that didn't carry their own weight, this story will resonate with you.
AITA for locking my toiletries in a lockbox so my roommate doesn't use them?
I (26F) have lived with my roommate (28F) for almost a year now. We were good friends before moving in together and have never had any serious issues up until this point.
For context: I have SUPER sensitive skin, always have. It would be easier for me to count the products I can use vs. the ones I can't. I have to use specific (and frankly expensive at times) products. If I use the wrong lotion/shampoo/laundry detergent etc. it causes my entire body to break out in itchy hives and welts.
If I don't use my lotion my skin becomes painfully dry, itchy, and will crack to the point that it bleeds. My roommate knows about this and has seen the struggles that I have faced.
Anyways, for the last couple of months I've had a problem with her using my toiletries and I don't mean every once in a while. I mean daily. We have one bathroom in our apartment so we both have to use it.
She uses my shampoo and conditioner every time she showers. She has been using my lotion every day. This is causing me to run out so fast and I'm struggling to afford to keep up with it. I've talked to her about it multiple times and have told her that I'm fine if she uses it occasionally, but that the rate she's using them now is not okay.
I've even suggested that she buys her own if she likes it so much. But this has fallen on deaf ears, and I'm so tired. I moved all of my stuff out of the bathroom and put it in my room, and she still went in there to get it. (Our bedroom doors unfortunately do not have locks on them.)
There have been so many times I've finished a shower, can't find my lotion, have to ask her where it is and she says it's in her room.
I finally got tired enough to buy a lockbox and keep my toiletries in it. This, however, caused her to become very mad at me. She threw it in my face that she lets me use her hair styling tools (blow dryer, straightener, curling iron etc.) and I kept trying to tell her that it's just not the same.
I would let her use anything else of mine if she wanted to, and I do. I frequently let her borrow my clothes, have some of my food, etc. We split rent and bills 50/50 and there have been a few times I've had to cover parts for her (Not frequently).
Now her and a couple of our mutual friends are saying that I'm an asshole because I'm treating her like some sort of thief when she never had bad intentions. That I'm being selfish and materialistic too. AITA??
Here was the consensus:
NTA. You're treating her like a thief because she is one.
NTA. That is exactly what thieves do—take things without permission. The entitlement of this one is next level. And honestly, WTF is wrong with these so called friends? Tell them to go buy her expensive toiletries if they take issue with you protecting your stuff. Jeez, these people!
You said you talked to her. Did she talk back? Did she just stare blankly at you and then walk away? If she said something, what was her rationale? I would suggest that, like the bills and rent, you split the toiletries 50/50. if she's a normal human i'm unsure why she would have a problem with that.
It’s not the same - but maybe you need to stop using her stuff, too. She clearly feels entitled to use your expensive products that run out on the basis that maybe you’re renting? the use of her stuff. And this is how she evens it in her mind.
She’s wrong - but at the same time, she doesn’t have to let you borrow her stuff. So just stop doing it so she can’t find a reason to complain anymore. Stop letting her using any of your stuff, you stop using any of her stuff.
NTA. Her hairdryer doesn't need to be replaced after a few uses unlike your toiletries.
Stop by the dollar store and grab her some supplies $5 max, place them nicely in the bathroom and leave a receipt. Keep your stuff locked up. When those are gone, ask her to go halfsies on replacing them, or if she'd rather just buy her own damn product.
Nta. Just take some of your old packaging and refill them with cheaper products (the cheapest you can find) and leave them in the bathroom, use your products hidden and that's it, not ideal, but a solution. Honestly, I just think you should move out, but that might not be an option.