Living with people can get really complicated, really fast. Especially when you have dramatically different boundaries around having guests over.
Ideally, everyone can come to a group compromise and communicate needs and concerns before things blow out of proportion. But any who has lived with people is aware that's not always how it goes.
She wrote:
AITA for evicting my roommates after they threw a party without my consent?
I 29f have 3 kids and last year my husband/children's father passed away during open heart surgery complications. I was a SAHM and always had been so I had no idea where to start. I'd never had a job and I didn't even have my license. It was tough from every single angle but I needed help so I decided to let my best friend 'Jesse' (30m) and his wife 'Kim' (29f) move in to a spare room to help pay rent.
I immediately went for my license (passed first try) and quickly got a job. During this time my parents were helping with babysitting my kids and thankfully within 6 months, I had become comfortable with the 'adulting' life style but we were grieving heavily, as I never really gave myself time to process the loss of my husband, nor did my babies really grasp that daddy wasn't coming home which made things difficult.
So anyways, my roommates have been fine for the most part but have recently started attempting to get me to party more, let loose and have fun. Things I'm still not even remotely comfortable with and I've expressed this multiple times. That and I have some unresolved trauma involving men from my childhood and don't really feel comfortable being around any guy while drinking.
I'm working through that in therapy (started recently) but there's a long road ahead. Well, I picked my girls up from soccer practice yesterday and brought them out for ice cream. We got home around 6pm and there were 4 or 5 unknown cars in my driveway and I could hear the music blaring. I walk inside to find easily 10+ people, mostly men, drinking, dancing and partying with my roommates.
I immediately turned off the music and told everyone to leave. My roommates called me a poor sport and said I need to 'let go'. Between them having strange drunk men in me and my husband's home around my girls and not respecting my boundaries on no partying in general, I decided to evict them this morning.
Where I had a lease already drawn up stating I could evict them at any time with a week notice, I only gave them 7 days to be out and I was within my rights to do so. They are saying I'm an AH for 'blindsiding them after all they've done for me' but them having drunk guys in my house around my daughter's without even asking, KNOWING what I went through was not a situation I will ever forgive. AITA?
JobPlus2382 wrote:
NTA. You expressed your feelings about parties more than once (when one should be enough). They threw a party at a house with children. You are 100% not the a**hole. I'm very sorry for your loss and really proud of the way you have managed your life after such a tragedy.
Mortyandem wrote:
NTA. Oh hell no. Bringing random men and alcohol around your children. That’s a massive dealbreaker. I’d expect that from an irresponsible teenager left in charge of their siblings for the weekend, not two married grown adults.
diaymujer wrote:
So, NTA as this is written, but I also have to wonder…is your perception of the events exactly accurate? There were a bunch of men “drunk” in your home at 6 pm on a Monday? Just asking gently…is it possible that in your trauma and in your anger over your roommate's transgression, that you’ve blown the details out of proportion?
I don’t know many people outside of their teens that would dance at a house party, let alone at a house party when the sun is still up on a Monday evening. Strikes me as a bit odd.
Captain_Crablegz wrote:
ESH. You suck because once you opened your doors and drafted up a lease agreement for them to LIVE there, it became their house too. They suck for partying when you made it clear that you will not tolerate it.
You should give them more time to find a place to live. MOVING from one residence to the other can be extremely stressful, and it sounds like they have probably done a lot for you during your time of need.
happiestnexttoyou wrote:
NTA. There’s no way I would be comfortable having drunk strangers around my children. No WAY. Added to that it is your children’s home and after all they’ve been through they deserve their home to be a quiet, stable environment, not one where they come home to unexpected strangers in their space. I’m sorry for your loss OP. I can’t even imagine.
It looks like most people agree OP is NTA, but a few had follow-up questions about the accuracy of her narrative.