'AITA for not allowing my brother’s girlfriend to eat my cooking anymore?' UPDATED
"AITA for not allowing my brother’s girlfriend to eat my cooking anymore?"
Yesterday I 22F made dinner for myself, my brother, and 2 roommates, 26-28M. It was supremely exhausting. Really delicious, but exhausting to make. I really hoped to have leftovers more than ever before because I didn’t even want to look at my stove–today I still don’t. Then my brother told me his girlfriend was coming over. I didn’t think anything of it, and they both start eating, which is fine.
Everyone who wanted food was fed, and there was a lot left until they both decided to get seconds. That’s fine too, but at this point, I’m just thinking, there is definitely enough for me to have a small portion for lunch to bring to work, and I’m content with that. I wake up today, ready to pack some for work, but all of it is gone, she ate the last of it, and her and my brother told me as much.
They even left the plates in the sink despite me having done the dishes before going to bed. I don’t really care about not having the leftovers; I dislike having to spend money on fast food and takeout, but I still can and will do it if I need to eat. What bothers me–and maybe this is a minor thing–is that she never reciprocates.
Today she had the nerve to get annoyed with me for asking if she could add one thing to her DoorDash order for me, that I was going to Venmo her for. I do groceries for 4 because it’s 4 of us that live here, not 5.
She comes over and eats more than half of what I make (my brother is also not innocent here), sometimes my roommates have to go without or go buy their own food because of her, and I’m supposed to just be okay with that…why? We go through our groceries quicker and I have to cook more when she’s here eating more than her fair share.
I had to have McDonald’s for lunch at work (it’s the closest restaurant to my job that wouldn’t make me get points for being late) today and I don’t even know what for dinner because she just had to have a third plate last night, and she couldn’t even be bothered to get me a sandwich? Some fries? Anything???? That royally pissed me off, so I told my brother she can’t come here to help herself to my food anymore.
She feels bad now, and my brother argued, “But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you,” but groceries for 4 is also a lot of money that I’m spending on food that’s supposed to last, and cooking is a lot of work! How is it supposed to last if she comes around eating more than her fair share? And she does this often!
Not even because she’s struggling for food or anything like that, she just likes my cooking. But I’m not a restaurant or a food pantry! I don’t actually expect her to buy me food, or do my groceries or anything like that, but the least she could do is be considerate of the people who actually live here and not eat a majority of our food nearly every time I cook. AITA or am I just being selfish?
People had plenty to say about this.
orangemoonboots wrote:
NTA You are being the opposite of selfish. Unless I am mistaken, you routinely:
1. Purchase groceries for 4 even though you are only one person in the house, and no one is reimbursing you for this.
2. Spend your free time cooking all this food.
3. Letting everyone eat, even people who don't live in the house.
And you haven't asked for anything in return. If they can't understand that they should at the very minimum, sometimes provide food for you, or reimburse you for the cost, then stop cooking for everyone. Also, pack up however many lunches you want to have out of the dinner you cooked *before* allowing anyone to help themselves if you decide to keep sharing.
BlooregardQKazoo_ OP responded:
I worded it wrong in my post, I’m not the only one paying for the groceries, but a lot of times it does come more from my pocket than anyone else’s because I’ll occasionally have to make extra grocery trips.
Also, this was never something that was necessary until his gf came around, so I forget to do it. Everyone in the house knows, if they’ve eaten already, to ask before touching the leftovers because they consider it mine if I cooked it. And the same applies to them. It belongs to whoever cooked it.
If everyone in the house knows make sure she knows this rule as well and set a firm boundary with it. Also as soon as everyone has had 1 plate go gather your lunch for the next day, maybe even put it in a lunch box so it isn't touched.
My question is does anyone else cook in that house? Because cooking for 4 or 5 can be exhausting so other people should be helping out too.
BlooregardQKazoo_ OP responded:
My brother cooks occasionally, but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs. They make me breakfast sometimes, but I mostly do dinners and if I ever don’t feel like cooking I tell them to just go buy takeout.
And yeah, I should just do that, but I always forget because this wasn’t something that was necessary until she started coming around.
You’re being the AT to yourself by taking on the majority of cooking responsibilities for a full household. You’re their roommate, not their mommy.
Cook for yourself. Maybe occasionally treat others to a meal if you’re having fun cooking and WANT to cook for them. Stop enabling these grown adults to continue to only be able to cook eggs. The way they’re going to learn is by having to actually cook meals for themselves. NTA
BlooregardQKazoo_ OP responded:
I’ve already told them they can renew next year’s lease without me, since I’ll be moving in with my long-term bf. They’re going to have to fend for themselves anyway. But you’re right, now I’m going to let them have an early start so they know what they’re going to be dealing with.
New-Pea-3721 wrote:
NTA. But why are you the only one spending money for groceries for the 4 of you? Maybe time to start only buying groceries for yourself and tell your brother that if he wants his gf to eat, he can buy the groceries and cook for her.
Romance-BookWorm-55 wrote:
NTA. First off if she has $ for DoorDash then she can certainly afford to chip in for food. And it’ll be cheaper in the long run. Second, you and your roommates need to talk to your brother and his gf about this because it’s only fair she contributes if she’s going to eat there all the time.
Third, when you make something with the intention to take some for lunch the following day, then tell everyone that. Put some in a separate container and tell them not to touch it.
PleasantlyConfused88 wrote:
NTA. You are not any of these individuals personal chef. Maybe I just missed something, but are you getting reimbursed for grocery expense from the other roommates?
_gadget_girl wrote:
NTA. She needs a lesson in portion control. Make it clear she can have a small helping, but no more. Make it crystal clear to her that the rest of the food is spoken for “sorry, no seconds tonight - I need enough to take to work for lunch the rest of the week and I am the only one who does much cooking around here."
"You understand right? I don’t have endless amounts of time to cook since I work full time, and eating McDonalds every day for lunch isn’t something I want to do.”
After receiving lots of comments and questions, OP shared a small update/clarification:
She wrote:
Edit: I didn’t think to mention it, I don’t cook for everyone just because. Everyone in the house contributes to groceries when they are able. Sometimes they even pay me to make something specific that they want. I wouldn’t cook for anyone that wasn’t contributing something, otherwise I wouldn’t be so mad about my brother’s gf doing it.