Same Sex Friend

<h2>No one wants to be the &#39;jealous type&#39;, but sometimes circumstances call for a little suspicion.</h2><p>When one woman felt uncomfortable with her boyfriend&#39;s female best friend, she took to <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10r1z62/i_hate_my_boyfriends_best_female_friend/" target="_blank">Reddit</a> to get a verdict on if she was overreacting, or if this woman really had it out for her.</p><h2>I hate my boyfriend&#39;s best (female) friend.</h2><p><a data-click-id="user" data-testid="post_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Freckled_Rhapsody/">Freckled_Rhapsody</a></p><blockquote> <p>My boyfriend (22m), his best female friend (Dee, 27f), and I (23f) are studying the same degree. We started dating less than a year ago during spring break, but he and Dee have been friends since first semester.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I knew her, but we weren&#39;t very close. She was one of the first to know that we were a couple and she was happy for us. I didn&#39;t think anything weird about it, until a few months ago.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>She calls him quite a lot. Almost three times a day. They&#39;re very brief calls and for mundane things (schedule, homework, tests), things that can be asked by text. My boyfriend doesn&#39;t hide anything from me, he always shows me that it&#39;s she who calls him and answers on loudspeaker.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>The first thing she does after greeting him is to ask <em>&quot;are you with her? (me)&quot;</em> and he says yes. Sometimes she calls him after 2 in the morning or when we are in the middle of intimacy, so it&#39;s annoying.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>What made me go from being annoyed to hating her was when we were assigned the same place for our practices. Everything was going well at first, sometimes she gave me rides in her car, offered to go buy me lunch and lent me work materials. I came to consider her a friend, until some time later.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>When other practitioners came, she got weird. She started referring to me as <em>&quot;the idiot&quot;</em> instead of my first name. If someone asked about a topic, she would say <em>&quot;this idiot knows&quot;</em> or <em>&quot;ask this idiot about it&quot;.</em></p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I never had many female friends, so I thought she was just being funny. Then she started criticizing me. If I made a mistake, didn&#39;t do things as she recommended me to or didn&#39;t support her in something, she would scold me as ir she were my boss or my mom, always in front of the rest of the practitioners.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I&#39;ve always had a very peculiar humor, and I cannot hide it. If I&#39;m in a bad mood, I don&#39;t want anyone to talk to me and I tend to snap back.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>When it happened, she immediately got angry and complained about me with the other practitioners, saying things like <em>&quot;doesn&#39;t it bother you that this idiot is so moody?&quot;</em> or <em>&quot;tell this idiot to change her mood&quot;</em>, which made me feel down.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>In addition, she organized a weekly lunch outing with all the practitioners on Thursday, my only day off from the practice.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I don&#39;t want to tell my boyfriend because they&#39;re very good friends, and since he&#39;s an only child he values his friendships very much. I also don&#39;t want to be the typical jealous girlfriend who forbids her boyfriend from having female friends.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>But I can&#39;t stand it anymore. I&#39;ve come to hate my practice. I don&#39;t know why she acts like this with me. I know she doesn&#39;t want my boyfriend because she has been in a relationship for years, and I&#39;m not a confrontational person to make her stop.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Reddit had some strong opinions.</h2><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Altruistic_Spirit542/">Altruistic_Spirit542</a></p><blockquote> <p>I think you should record her calling you &lsquo;the idiot&rsquo; and then play it for your boyfriend explaining you didn&rsquo;t know how to tell him and you don&rsquo;t know how to get her to stop.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/trashy615/">trashy615</a></p><blockquote> <p>&quot;Are you with her?&quot; That&#39;s an extremely suspicious question.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/penm/">penm</a></p><blockquote> <p>You must stand up for yourself in an assertive, but not angry way. Practice what you&#39;re going to say a bunch of times before you do it. That&#39;ll help you stay calm. If she can&#39;t stay calm in return, she will be the one who looks like the idiot. And you and your boyfriend should both be putting your phones on do not disturb during intimacy. That&#39;s an easy fix for that part of it.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/3Heathens_Mom/">3Heathens_Mom</a></p><blockquote> <p>So a suggestion then tweak as works best for you.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>The next time she refers to you in front of your face as the idiot say something like &ldquo;I feel disrespected and belittled when you refer to me as &lsquo;the Idiot&rsquo;. My name as you know is Freckled and I would appreciate you using it.&rdquo;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>You may wish to speak with whomever is running this program and ask for their feedback on this hostility that is being projected at you. Sooner than later as I suspect that woman will be offering feedback on you to them.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>And please sit down as soon as possible and discuss this ongoing hostile situation with your boyfriend. Realize she is his friend but he needs to really listen to you and examine this relationship he has with her. From the outside looking in based on what you have posted it sounds like she is very unhappy that he is with you.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The OP reached out with an update the next day:</h2><blockquote> <p>I reached my limit. she called me a <em>&quot;privileged princess&quot;</em> because my parents are going to pay off my student debt when I graduate, while her parents took half of a scholarship she got. She doesn&#39;t know shit about me. I&#39;ll tell my boyfriend everything.</p> </blockquote><h2>Then, almost right away, there had clearly been some developements and our OP had much more to share:</h2><blockquote> <p>Thank you very much for the comments, many were helpful. For those of you wondering where my boyfriend is in all of this, this issue started less than a month ago, so it&#39;s not very recent.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>About the calls, apparently it&#39;s easier for her to call since she&#39;s a single mom and is often driving (but doesn&#39;t justify her calls at 2 in the morning). I told him weeks ago that it didn&#39;t make me feel comfortable and he immediately asked her to stop. I think that was what triggered her to be mean to me.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>When I came back from my practice I told him everything. I tried to be firm, but I started crying. I told him all the things that she has said, that she has done, and how she makes me feel.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>At all times I made it clear that I don&#39;t expect him to stop being friends with her, but to help me solve all this or at least understand why, maybe talking to her. He was furious, which is unusual for him.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>He told me that under no circumstances he would let someone treat me like that and that he didn&#39;t care if they&#39;d been friends for years, after what I told him, he didn&#39;t want to talk to her anymore. He showed me their chats to confirm that there&#39;s nothing between them and apologized for not noticing sooner.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I told him that I never doubted him, and that I kept quiet because didn&#39;t want to jeopardize their friendship. He &quot;scolded&quot; me for it and promised that I can always tell him everything.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Now she ignores me. There&#39;s only one month of practice left, and after that I won&#39;t deal with her again. She made a passive aggressive comment about <em>&quot;girls needing their man to defend themselves&quot;.</em></p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I told her <em>&quot;at least my boyfriend cares about me&quot;</em> which made her go quiet (she always complains that her boyfriend is jealous, checks her phone and won&#39;t let her go out without his permission).</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>She was also kicked out of her thesis group for never showing up for the meetings, so that would be it. I arranged my schedule so I wouldn&#39;t have to deal with her for the rest of my practice, and while it all worked out without confrontation on my part, I&#39;m working on being able to set limits in the future.</p> </blockquote><h2>With this new information, readers had this to say:</h2><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/sanemartigan/">sanemartigan</a></p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/u/Freckled_Rhapsody/" rel="noopener nofollow ugc" target="_blank">u/Freckled_Rhapsody</a> should mention all this to the practice manager too. Being called <em>the idiot</em> at work is unacceptable. Dee seems likely to try and tank the last of their practice experience.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/apeachykeenbean/">apeachykeenbean</a></p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I mean, OOP herself thought it was friendly banter when it first started, so I assume the way Dee speaks to OOP in front of their colleagues gives that impression, especially if the colleagues know that OOP and Dee have a relationship outside of work and school.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Within some friendship dynamics, that wouldn&rsquo;t be mean or inappropriate. I definitely have friendships where these comments would be fine, because we&rsquo;re close and know each other and the tone well.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>That&rsquo;s clearly not the case here, but Dee strikes me as that type who frequently abuses friendships by masking verbal abuse as banter and inside jokes so that no one but she and the victim knows that she&rsquo;s hurting them.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Maru3792648/">Maru3792648</a></p><blockquote> <p>What!? A boyfriend with a female best friend that is actually supportive of his GF!? What kind of sorcery is this??</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/CatmoCatmo/">CatmoCatmo</a></p><blockquote> <p>It&rsquo;s sucks that women have been conditions to feel like OP did. You don&rsquo;t want to be <em>that</em> girlfriend. You don&rsquo;t want to be the &ldquo;crazy jealous&rdquo; girlfriend who won&rsquo;t let their SO have female friends.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>You don&rsquo;t want to be the &ldquo;controlling&rdquo; girlfriend, telling their SO who they can and cannot be friends with. You&rsquo;re always walking a fine line, trying to distinguish if you&rsquo;re reading too much into things. Asking yourself: &ldquo;Am I crazy that this bothers me, or does this person truly have alternative motives?&rdquo;</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Her bf got mad at her for not telling him what was going on. But more times than not, it does not work out in the girlfriends favor. I&rsquo;m glad this time the boyfriend believed her, and backed her up.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>If your partner was close to someone whom you thought was jealous or possibly trying to sabatage your relationship, what would you do?</h2><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Girlfriend thinks boyfriend's female best friend is out to get her man, AITA?

No one wants to be the &#39;jealous type&#39;, but sometimes circumstances call for a little suspicion.When one woman felt uncomfortable with her boyfriend&#39;s female best friend, she took to Reddit to get a verdict on if she was overreacting, or if this woman really had it out for her.I hate my boyfriend&#39;s best (female) friend.Freckled_Rhapsody My boyfriend (22m), his best female friend (Dee, 27f), and I (23f) are studying the same degree. We started dating less than a year ago during spring break, but he and Dee have been friends since first semester.  I knew her, but we weren&#39;t very close. She was one of the first to know that we were a couple and she was happy for us. I didn&#39;t think anything weird about it, until a few months ago.  She calls him quite a lot. Almost three times a day. They&#39;re very brief calls and for mundane things (schedule, homework, tests), things that can be asked by text. My boyfriend doesn&#39;t hide anything from me, he always shows me that it&#39;s she who calls him and answers on loudspeaker.  The first thing she does after greeting him is to ask &quot;are you with her? (me)&quot; and he says yes. Sometimes she calls him after 2 in the morning or when we are in the middle of intimacy, so it&#39;s annoying.  What made me go from being annoyed to hating her was when we were assigned the same place for our practices. Everything was going well at first, sometimes she gave me rides in her car, offered to go buy me lunch and lent me work materials. I came to consider her a friend, until some time later.  When other practitioners came, she got weird. She started referring to me as &quot;the idiot&quot; instead of my first name. If someone asked about a topic, she would say &quot;this idiot knows&quot; or &quot;ask this idiot about it&quot;.  I never had many female friends, so I thought she was just being funny. Then she started criticizing me. If I made a mistake, didn&#39;t do things as she recommended me to or didn&#39;t support her in something, she would scold me as ir she were my boss or my mom, always in front of the rest of the practitioners.  I&#39;ve always had a very peculiar humor, and I cannot hide it. If I&#39;m in a bad mood, I don&#39;t want anyone to talk to me and I tend to snap back.  When it happened, she immediately got angry and complained about me with the other practitioners, saying things like &quot;doesn&#39;t it bother you that this idiot is so moody?&quot; or &quot;tell this idiot to change her mood&quot;, which made me feel down.  In addition, she organized a weekly lunch outing with all the practitioners on Thursday, my only day off from the practice.  I don&#39;t want to tell my boyfriend because they&#39;re very good friends, and since he&#39;s an only child he values his friendships very much. I also don&#39;t want to be the typical jealous girlfriend who forbids her boyfriend from having female friends.  But I can&#39;t stand it anymore. I&#39;ve come to hate my practice. I don&#39;t know why she acts like this with me. I know she doesn&#39;t want my boyfriend because she has been in a relationship for years, and I&#39;m not a confrontational person to make her stop. Reddit had some strong opinions.Altruistic_Spirit542 I think you should record her calling you &lsquo;the idiot&rsquo; and then play it for your boyfriend explaining you didn&rsquo;t know how to tell him and you don&rsquo;t know how to get her to stop. trashy615 &quot;Are you with her?&quot; That&#39;s an extremely suspicious question. penm You must stand up for yourself in an assertive, but not angry way. Practice what you&#39;re going to say a bunch of times before you do it. That&#39;ll help you stay calm. If she can&#39;t stay calm in return, she will be the one who looks like the idiot. And you and your boyfriend should both be putting your phones on do not disturb during intimacy. That&#39;s an easy fix for that part of it. 3Heathens_Mom So a suggestion then tweak as works best for you.  The next time she refers to you in front of your face as the idiot say something like &ldquo;I feel disrespected and belittled when you refer to me as &lsquo;the Idiot&rsquo;. My name as you know is Freckled and I would appreciate you using it.&rdquo;  You may wish to speak with whomever is running this program and ask for their feedback on this hostility that is being projected at you. Sooner than later as I suspect that woman will be offering feedback on you to them.  And please sit down as soon as possible and discuss this ongoing hostile situation with your boyfriend. Realize she is his friend but he needs to really listen to you and examine this relationship he has with her. From the outside looking in based on what you have posted it sounds like she is very unhappy that he is with you. The OP reached out with an update the next day: I reached my limit. she called me a &quot;privileged princess&quot; because my parents are going to pay off my student debt when I graduate, while her parents took half of a scholarship she got. She doesn&#39;t know shit about me. I&#39;ll tell my boyfriend everything. Then, almost right away, there had clearly been some developements and our OP had much more to share: Thank you very much for the comments, many were helpful. For those of you wondering where my boyfriend is in all of this, this issue started less than a month ago, so it&#39;s not very recent.  About the calls, apparently it&#39;s easier for her to call since she&#39;s a single mom and is often driving (but doesn&#39;t justify her calls at 2 in the morning). I told him weeks ago that it didn&#39;t make me feel comfortable and he immediately asked her to stop. I think that was what triggered her to be mean to me.  When I came back from my practice I told him everything. I tried to be firm, but I started crying. I told him all the things that she has said, that she has done, and how she makes me feel.  At all times I made it clear that I don&#39;t expect him to stop being friends with her, but to help me solve all this or at least understand why, maybe talking to her. He was furious, which is unusual for him.  He told me that under no circumstances he would let someone treat me like that and that he didn&#39;t care if they&#39;d been friends for years, after what I told him, he didn&#39;t want to talk to her anymore. He showed me their chats to confirm that there&#39;s nothing between them and apologized for not noticing sooner.  I told him that I never doubted him, and that I kept quiet because didn&#39;t want to jeopardize their friendship. He &quot;scolded&quot; me for it and promised that I can always tell him everything.  Now she ignores me. There&#39;s only one month of practice left, and after that I won&#39;t deal with her again. She made a passive aggressive comment about &quot;girls needing their man to defend themselves&quot;.  I told her &quot;at least my boyfriend cares about me&quot; which made her go quiet (she always complains that her boyfriend is jealous, checks her phone and won&#39;t let her go out without his permission).  She was also kicked out of her thesis group for never showing up for the meetings, so that would be it. I arranged my schedule so I wouldn&#39;t have to deal with her for the rest of my practice, and while it all worked out without confrontation on my part, I&#39;m working on being able to set limits in the future. With this new information, readers had this to say:sanemartigan u/Freckled_Rhapsody should mention all this to the practice manager too. Being called the idiot at work is unacceptable. Dee seems likely to try and tank the last of their practice experience. apeachykeenbean I mean, OOP herself thought it was friendly banter when it first started, so I assume the way Dee speaks to OOP in front of their colleagues gives that impression, especially if the colleagues know that OOP and Dee have a relationship outside of work and school.  Within some friendship dynamics, that wouldn&rsquo;t be mean or inappropriate. I definitely have friendships where these comments would be fine, because we&rsquo;re close and know each other and the tone well.  That&rsquo;s clearly not the case here, but Dee strikes me as that type who frequently abuses friendships by masking verbal abuse as banter and inside jokes so that no one but she and the victim knows that she&rsquo;s hurting them. Maru3792648 What!? A boyfriend with a female best friend that is actually supportive of his GF!? What kind of sorcery is this?? CatmoCatmo It&rsquo;s sucks that women have been conditions to feel like OP did. You don&rsquo;t want to be that girlfriend. You don&rsquo;t want to be the &ldquo;crazy jealous&rdquo; girlfriend who won&rsquo;t let their SO have female friends.  You don&rsquo;t want to be the &ldquo;controlling&rdquo; girlfriend, telling their SO who they can and cannot be friends with. You&rsquo;re always walking a fine line, trying to distinguish if you&rsquo;re reading too much into things. Asking yourself: &ldquo;Am I crazy that this bothers me, or does this person truly have alternative motives?&rdquo;  Her bf got mad at her for not telling him what was going on. But more times than not, it does not work out in the girlfriends favor. I&rsquo;m glad this time the boyfriend believed her, and backed her up. If your partner was close to someone whom you thought was jealous or possibly trying to sabatage your relationship, what would you do?

No one wants to be the &#39;jealous type&#39;, but sometimes circumstances call for a little suspicion.  When one woman felt uncomfortable with her boyfriend&#39;s female best friend, she took to Reddit to get a verdict on if she was...

Girlfriend thinks boyfriend's female best friend is out to get her man, AITA?

No one wants to be the 'jealous type', but sometimes circumstances call for a little suspicion.

I hate my boyfriend's best (female) friend.