'I suspect my coworker's BF is a scammer. What should I do?' UPDATED 2X

"I think my coworkers boyfriend is scamming her- what do I do???"

This just happened today so stay with me while I get all the details out. So I’ve been at my job for a couple of months now and there’s a girl I chat with at lunch and sometimes during break. She’s been talking about her boyfriend and I’ve only heard random details here and there, but today she told me more of their story and I’m starting to think he’s not “real” in the way she thinks he is.

It started when she finally showed me a picture of him. Now this guy is extremely attractive (let’s go girl!) and I obviously asked to see more photos. But, as she started showing me more photos, they all sorta looked like they were screenshots someone took from their Snapchat story and sent to someone else (like Snapchat filters and Snapchat designs).

And every photo was clearly posed and lowkey a thirst trap. Kinda weird, but whatever. She then mentioned that they met through a dating app. Now this wasn’t weird at all until she mentioned that he moved home to Europe a week after they started dating due to his mother’s unexpected death.

I told her this must have been so hard for her, seeing as they were only in person for a little while before he had to leave. BUT THEN, she said they never met in person! (🚨🚨🚨) I jokingly asked if she’s ever seen the guy, and she said they can’t FaceTime that often cause his connection is bad, but they text all the time. (🚨🚨🚨)

She then talks more and more about the reasons why he has had to stay in Europe (context: he was supposed to come home in December, but his return keeps getting pushed back). I’ll list some of them down below:

- His mother had a diamond in a safety deposit box that he inherited and now has to sell it because the “rent on the diamond” has increased (what???) He has said that he will cut the diamond in half and sell one part and then turn the other half into a ring for her.

- His family is fighting over the will and there’s a clause in there saying his inheritance is conditional on having a wife (any lawyer wants to chime in and tell me if this is normal because I think not). I jokingly asked if I could read it and she said he explicitly told her that no one could ever see it, which just felt a little off.

- He’s sending her his tax return because finances are “weird in Europe” and she can just send it to him later (which in my brain is code for “let me get access to your bank account” 🚨🚨🚨)

- She said he’s offered to do all of her taxes, so I don’t know what information she has sent over

- He allegedly has properties all over the U.S. because he’s in real estate, but she’s never been over to his house which is only 30 minutes away from our office.

- Though he’s in real estate, he hasn’t been able to sell his mother’s house in the last few months which makes his stay even longer.

In the newest turn of events, she has a ring (that she bought as a place holder before he gets her a “real one”). They’re not “engaged” engaged, but she’s convinced he’s going to come back and they will get married. She hasn’t told her family because she thinks they will judge her, and she says they are planning on getting married by the end of the summer.

I just honestly don’t know what to think, say, or do. It’s not like we’re close friends, which would allow me to have input on her life. But I don’t know if I can start a conversation with “I’m pretty sure this boyfriend of yours is fake.” I researched the impact of internet scams in college for a semester and this seems to have all the signs of a scam, but a slightly different presentation.

So I guess, help? What do I say? Any chance someone has seen this before or knows how to address it? We’ll only be coworkers for another year or so before I’m back at school so I’m okay with it getting a little awkward if need be. Thoughts??!!?!? Thanks in advance :)

What do you think?! Any advice or insight? This is what commenters had to say:

SnooWords4839 said:

My DIL's father is about to lose his home, after clearing out his retirement fund, falling for a scam. If she never FT with him, it's a scam!

LowBalance4404 said:

It's 100% a romance scam. Is there any way you can get your hands on an image or two and do a reverse image search. For the free ones, I like google and bing best. Bing has been the better of the two lately. Suggest to her that she gets the address of the home that is near your office. You can search who really owns the home. That's all free to search. Has she even googled his name?

Ask her if she's googled or validated anything he's said. Do they talk about local interests like restaurants, favorite TV shows, hobbies. Where in the US has he lived? Has she googled that area and then tactfully asked him questions about that location, like good bars/restaurants? What about the real estate company he says he works for or "owns"? Where in Europe is he says he is?

Ask for pictures of what famous building or whatever is near where he is or even just the town/village. Reverse image search those.

Most scammers aren't really great at scamming if you know what to look for. They don't share that much about personal interests because they don't really have the knowledge to do so effectively. They share things like they have a diamond in a safety deposit box or the internet connection is bad and then turn the conversation back to love bombing and focus questions on the victim.

I have a fair amount of experience in this. Not only have I had two friends scammed, one via Match and the other through Instagram, but I volunteer at a senior citizens center to teach online safety.

I get hit up constantly through Instagram's chat by scammers and there are a few things that really trip them up and huge percentage of what uncovers them is oddly food-related questions. They will tell you what they had for lunch, but it's what they think Americans eat and get easily tripped up.

ToothPickPirate said:

She can ask him to write her name on a piece of paper and hold it up for a selfie. That would mean he’s not likely a scammer. If he’s the guy in the picture, he would do that to ease her mind. Not getting that picture = scammer. He will likely love bomb and guilt her for not trusting/loving him.

A week later, she shared this first update:

So I posted here about a week ago but there have been some developments. I’ve been sitting on the realization that my co-worker is involved in a scam for about a week. I decided to take a small step and tell one of the other girls I eat lunch with - Let’s call her “Elle” (there are four of us who eat lunch together: me, the girl being scammed “Kate”, “Elle”, and “Paige”).

So I message Elle and ask her if we could meet during one of our breaks. We sit down in a break room and I slide her my original post on my phone. She reads it and I see the glimmer of realization set in and she says “I think you’re right!” She then lays out some additional info she gleaned from “Kate” about the boy:

• They had a phone call once, and she noted that his accent didn’t sound European. But, she excused it as “the connection isn’t good” (not how phones work in 2025, but Ok I guess…)

• She suspects he might have her SSN, based on the tax info she has sent him

• He was supposed to come home in March, but the day before his return his aunt “tragically died” in a car accident (rumor has it that his new return date is May 10th so stay tuned)

• The rent he is paying for the diamond (STILL NOT A THING) has increased so he will need to put down a big payment on it (which to me is an indicator that he is about to ask her for money)

Anyway, we yapped a little more and she thinks that we need to tell Kate, she just doesn’t know how. We did agree that we should tell Paige (since she chats with the girl being scammed more than either of us). So I did what any self-respecting person would do. I texted Paige the OG post and asked her to call me when she was done.

Needless to say, she called me and told me that she felt that the stories of our Kate’s boyfriend were strange, but seeing them all written down made it seem entirely suspicious. We now have a group chat and we’re trying to figure out the best way to tell her on Monday (because preventing this before any money is stolen is a big priority). Stay Tuned!!!

Almost a week later, she shared this second update:

Welcome back, everyone. I will spoil this a little by saying there really isn’t a satisfying resolution and she is still involved in the scam (maybe later she’ll get out, but not today). But before I begin here is some more info we have learned about everyone’s favorite fake boyfriend:

• He’s too busy to respond to her texts because he trades in Bitcoin

• He gets mad whenever she asks for photos of his property (which is definitely NOT sketchy).

• And in the newest turn of events, he sent her money to buy a dress, and she bought it. Depending on how this money was sent to her, she has the potential to be complicit in money laundering or acting as a money mule (is your anxiety increasing? Because mine is!)

Over the weekend, the group chat decided that Paige should talk to Kate. They carpool together occasionally, and Paige is a kind person so we figured it would come across as concern rather than attacking in the eyes of Kate.

[For those of you saying we should be as blunt as possible, I love that approach and that is usually how I live life. But, this is a coworker in a professional work environment, and I’m not friends with these people, we just sometimes eat lunch together, which makes it a little tricky on how to approach this]

Anyway, Paige pulled Kate aside during a break and told her that she’d been thinking about her “fiancé” and that it seemed a little off. She then proceeds to list out most of the points I’ve put here. Apparently, Kate got quiet, and when Paige was finished she said “I thought he may have been a scam in the beginning, but because he has never asked me for money, I know he’s real. But thanks for the concern.”

According to Paige, she left mine and Elle’s names out of the conversation so Kate has two other people to turn to if she wants to talk. But Kate didn’t talk about her “fiancé” at lunch yesterday, which she always does, so maybe she’s closed off to us now…

If anyone has new ideas or advice, I’m happy to hear it. As I said in my last post, he has claimed that he is coming home on May 10th, so if the excuse is good as to why he isn’t coming home, I’ll post again.

In conclusion, PLEASE protect yourself online. Scamming is a multi-billion dollar “industry” and everyone is at risk. If you feel like an online job posting, an individual on a dating site, or a “free” service seems too good to be true, it probably is. It is so much better to be cautious than end up with $30,000 in credit card debt like Peter Griffin (iykyk).

We'll keep you posted on any future updates.