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'AITA for telling my mom that she is crazy for expecting me to ask my former bully out?' UPDATED

'AITA for telling my mom that she is crazy for expecting me to ask my former bully out?' UPDATED


Forgiveness can set you free, but there's still a difference between forgiving and forgetting.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if he was wrong for calling his mom crazy after she suggested he ask his former bully out. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my mom that she is crazy for expecting me to ask my former bully out?"

Crazy title, I (18M) know. ‘Leah’ (18F) used to bully me. Called me a wimp and loser, telling me I’m pathetic because of how short and small I am for a guy. Never got physical but there were plenty of verbal attacks. And then something happened.

She got 11/25 on an essay and everyone else in our small literature class (8 students) said it was her fault for not taking things seriously. I felt kinda bad for her since I was that person at one point - I got a humiliating 10/25 at the beginning of the course before working my way up. I just felt sorry for her cause I knew what it’s like. So I gave her some support, told her not to be too hard on herself.

Said that she could improve if she worked hard. Told her she is smarter than she thinks. She stopped bullying me after that and started being nice, even coming over once. My mom is convinced she likes me now and said that I should ask her out. I told her about the past bullying and said that Leah is probably only being nice out of guilt and because I was nice to her when she needed it.

Mom, though, got this idea that Leah liked me from the start and only realized it after I was nice to her. She insisted that girls bully boys they like. That was when I said she was crazy for this idea. My mom looked hurt and said I didn’t have to call her crazy - that I could have just said no again and made it really clear for her.

The internet had plenty of comments and questions.

Nester1953 wrote:

To me, the issue isn't whether or not Leah likes you. I don't care if she suddenly thinks you're the moon, the sun, and the stars. What I care about is her character. A young woman who bullies anyone -- let alone you! -- does not have the character or personal traits you should be seeking in a female companion. Your mother is dead wrong.

As for you, I'm wondering why you were going out of your way to help someone who was relentlessly cruel to you. Surely there were other people far more deserving of your time, tutoring, and encouragement. NTA, but don't under any circumstances ask out a bully. Is that actually the kind of person you would want close to you?

cagriuluc wrote:

NAH. The ex-bully is an AH for bullying you, but she is not a further AH for going back on her ways. Your mother is not an AH because well…she just may be right. I know, the trope of the bullying kid liking the bullied kid is worn out. But…I know it is also sometimes real. Bullies are not evil people most of the time. Most people aren’t evil. Bullies may have reasons for how they are.

In her case, I think how she stopped bullying in the first occurrence of understanding from someone…it checks out. OP is not an AH, he is a good person for offering a hand to someone who needed it but did not deserve it from him. No question there. The mom is not an AH because she seems genuine in her thoughts. She saw the ex-bully coming over so she thought OP was fine with her now.

Like, you should be more sensitive around the topics of bullying, but I wouldn’t call her an AH for suggesting it. Well…the reaction to OP's reaction could have been better. The word crazy does not make the sentence insulting, at least in this context. But it seems like she will respect OP’s wishes, she was offended by the language.

As long as she does not sulk like a child for just being called crazy to think something, it is okay. OP, why are you here? Only for advice for your mother? Or are you considering what your mother implied? The thing with your mother is pretty small as far as I can see, your mother accepted that it is your wish to not think about your ex-bully as a romantic interest, so I am confused as to why you are here.

I really don’t want to assume, and I am sorry if this hurts you, but is there any chance you are considering what your mother suggested? Just so it is clear, if you are considering it, you absolutely can! In general it is not the best idea to date a bully even when they stop it, but in general means nothing for individual cases. So if you are looking for a figurative permission to explore what can be, you have it.

Otherwise, well, still all good, no? You have a “friend” who used to bully you, and a mother that thinks his son’s girl-friend may be interested in them. Moms are like that.

NectarNymphNote wrote:

NTA. I mean, seriously, your mom needs to chill a bit. It's not like you called her crazy just for fun. You've got a legit reason for not wanting to ask your former bully out. Your feelings matter, and if you're not feeling it, that's totally fine. Your mom needs to get that and respect your decision.

TurquoiseHareToday wrote:

NAH. Leah was mean, but not irredeemably so, and she’s now doing the work to redeem herself. The mother is being a bit weird and pushy but I think she’s sincere- she just needs to back off a bit.

After receiving a range of responses, OP jumped on with an update.

UPDATE: I just talked to Leah ten minutes ago. Casually brought up that my mom thinks she has a crush on me. She said that she used to look down on me before I was nice to her but isn’t sure how she feels right now. Then she asked if we could have coffee together, so we’re going to get some coffee and see how it goes.

It appears OP's mom could have been onto something all along.

Sources: Reddit
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