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Dad starts sneaking son on visits to grandpa after wife says they can't see him anymore.

Dad starts sneaking son on visits to grandpa after wife says they can't see him anymore.


Many of us grew up with the aphorism 'secrets are no fun, secrets hurt someone.'

And while it's largely true, in some situations a secret is less black and white than others.

Luckily, the internet is full of people who love to parse out situations and land on an ultimate judgment.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for sneaking his son to see his grandpa.

He wrote:

AITA for taking my son to see my Dad behind my wife's back?

So this sounds wrong I know and many people will read the title and tell me I’m an A-hole. So my 29m wife 32f has recently (last 3 months) told me she would rather my dad see our kid 8m a lot less and her reasoning is that he isn’t a good role model.

For some background, my dad's a complicated man. He was in the army when I was young and doesn’t talk about it much. Her issue with him is what he teaches our kid, he’s trying to be a good grandad and teach him some life skills.

There are some I agree are a little advanced, for example, my son now knows how to change a lightbulb, use a drill, and a saw, this has all been taught by me and my dad recently. We have been teaching my son how to box and when my wife found out she went ballistic and told me if I wanted to see my dad I couldn’t take our son with me.

Every Saturday we have a father-son bonding day just us two. And ever since we’ve been forbidden to see his grandad. We now meet him early morning at the local park and either run some pad work or play other sports. He is very insistent that we “shouldn’t tell mummy” but I feel awful about lying and have told him that he should never lie. So am I the a**hole for doing this?

EDIT: I’ve now told her the whole story she said she figured me out on day one. She felt bad for saying what she said but letting me think I was able to be sneaky was funnier than apologizing.

EDIT: She has now pointed out to me that she has been making us three sandwiches for lunch this whole time and is laughing at me.

People rolled in with all of the opinions.

Poekienijn wrote:

Yes, YTA. I also don’t see an issue with the lightbulb or using a drill. But boxing is something else. That’s not something you teach without consent. The fact that he did that behind the child’s mothers back makes me agree with her that he’s not a good role model or a good grandparent.

And now you and your dad are teaching your child to be dishonest with his mother. This is bad parenting and harmful. It could also be dangerous because it teaches your child it is ok to keep a secret from his parents which might put him in danger for (s*xual) abuse.

Sparky81 wrote:

YTA - For lying. You should be allowed to let your son see his grandfather. You're wife may not like it, but she can't unilaterally deny visitation with family. I don't see anything that your father is doing that is that bad. You're wife sounds over protective. But don't lie and hide what you're doing.

celestialxkitty wrote:

ESH - going behind her back isn’t really that great, but also I don’t think it’s really fair that she can out and out decide that he can’t really see your father. That being said since it’s been mostly resolved I’m just going to have a giggle at that edit 😂

KniazSuvorov wrote:

NTA, your dad doesn’t appear to be teaching him anything bad and you’re there too. It’s not right to give ultimatums. Sure, I’ll say you shouldn’t lie to your wife but it’s a two way deal. Giving ultimatums rarely works out. Plus you have hashed everything out so it’s good. I do think it’s funny that everyone is freaking out over your son boxing.

Boxing is no different than pretty much every other martial art. They all do sparring with gear on though most people do it just to get in shape. Plus, historically people worked from the time they could walk. As long as there’s trusted supervision I don’t see a problem with saws.

CretinCrowley wrote:

Your wife is so kind. You did something she disapproved of and she still made sure you ALL were fed. Do you have any idea what a kindness that is? What kind of respect and tolerance that takes? Take that woman out for a nice dinner and give her extra lovings.

Clearly, this all resolved itself, but it does seem unanimous that OP shouldn't have lied.

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