'My friend has a secret that could blow up our entire friend group.' UPDATED
"My friend has a secret that could blow up our entire friend group."
Okay, so I (27F) have to give a bit of background on our friend group to illustrate the gravity of this situation. I'm in a friend group of about 8 people, which was essentially founded by these two guys, Mark (28M) and Jay (29M). Mark is single but Jay has a fiancée, Allie (36F) that he's getting married to next summer. Nobody else is really relevant.
Mark and Jay have been best friends for YEARS. I think they're coming up on like 22. They were neighbors, went to the same schools, and got into the same college so they wouldn't have to be separated. They are actually platonic soulmates. To the point of finishing each other's sentences a lot of the time. They are the glue that holds this entire friend group together.
When Jay and Allie first got together, Mark was a little weird about it, mostly due to the age gap, but he's come around a lot. They still don't get along perfectly but he's said he's happy for them both, and is going to be the best man at their wedding.
Last week, Mark got a promotion and Jay was out of town scouting out venues so he invited me to go get trashed with him. Near the end of the night he was hammered and grabbed my arm and told me he had a secret, and that I couldn't tell any of our friends cuz nobody knows. He told me he was in love with Jay and had been for years.
He went into great detail about how attractive he found him, how good he had been to him all his life, and then he got this really freaked out look on his face and said he didn't think he could sit there and smile while the love of his life married someone "who can't even commit his birthday to memory," much less write a speech talking about how good their relationship is.
He started getting teary eyed and said the closer the wedding got the worse he was feeling and how he really needed someone to be there for him, which I agreed to.
I am really bad at keeping secrets. People don't tell me a lot of secrets because I tend to blab. I don't mean to, I just let stuff slip a lot of the time. It's something I've gotten a lot better at but still. I CANNOT tell this one, but it's been sitting on my chest like stones on Giles Corey.
I didn't even know Mark was queer, I'm a bisexual woman myself so I know how good some people can be at hiding it. And Allie is... fine, honestly? Like she's nice and all but I wouldn't call her and Jay a perfect match or anything. She doesn't tend to hang out with the group unless Jay is there and I'd call her an acquaintance.
I feel like all I can do is wait for some sort of blast wave. Like I need to get into a bunker. I told Mark I'd be there for him but he was so drunk I don't think he even remembers telling me. I have no idea what to do here, if anything.
This is what people had to say to OP:
Unleashd99 said:
Sounds like a drunken confession that as long as he forgets it then you should as well. It isn’t like he confessed that he was going to crash the wedding or run away with Jay the day before the wedding. This is inner emotions that really you wouldn’t know if Mark had not been so drunk.
Why involve yourself at all unless you are asked? You have time to process the facts and be prepared to be a support leading up to the wedding day in case something big happens but other than that, not your business and not your problem.
OP responded:
That's what I'm worried about, that Mark will do something stupid. I love him but he's a littke dramatic. If Jay finds out then it could be really bad, and if Mark tries something at Jay's wedding it could be really, really, REALLY bad.
Ellf13 said:
Have you spoken to Mark about this when he's been sober? Just ask him what he expects you to do with the information and go from there.
And OP responded:
I did, yesterday. At first he tried to convince me he was just joking but dropped it after a minute to beg me not to tell anyone. I'm starting to get worried about him.
Three days later, OP shared this update:
I've been texting with Mark and he's been drinking more and making sense less. I had to come over to his place a few nights ago and keep him company, he was completely wasted and sobbing like a baby.
He's found a therapist and scheduled an appointment but it's still a ways out. I took the alcohol out of his apt as per his request and stayed with him as he went to sleep. But while he was drunk he dropped another bombshell on me.
Apparently a little over a year ago, Jay and Mark hooked up while, once again, drunk (usually they don't have alcohol problems and they dont drink that often, theyre just both bad drunks and tend to make really stupid decisions while plastered, texting exes and getting in fights usually).
A week later Jay met Allie and a month after that they got together. He told me he was already head over heels for Jay at that point and it really took a toll on him. They remained friends and never talked about it again but it's been eating away at Mark ever since. I feel awful for the poor guy.
I did notice about a year ago that the dynamic got really weird for a few months but I figured it was just due to Allie being thrown into the mix. This is so damn messy.