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'WIBTA if I tell my coworker what her husband is asking me to do behind her back?' UPDATED

'WIBTA if I tell my coworker what her husband is asking me to do behind her back?' UPDATED


"WIBTA if I tell my coworker what her husband asked me to do?"

Background: I (24f) am the director of a very small preschool. In total, I have 5 employees. The one in question is who I'll call H (33f). She is the sweetest person I have ever met and an amazing employee. She is from Morocco. She has helped me so much in the past that I have grown to think of her as one of my close friends. Her husband on the other hand gives me weird vibes.

I have met him several times and spoken to him a handful. He's not the the friendliest of the bunch. The reason I know him is because we always do staff events in which the employees bring their families. She also doesn't drive so I stay with her after work until he picks her up.

The problem: One day a few weeks ago we were waiting for H's husband to pick her up. I was telling her about my house. I was upset about a broken shower that had to be entirely replaced. Her husband came into the conversation and asked if I was selling. The conversation went a like this (H walked away to put her stuff in the car):

OP: No, I am not selling. But, for H, I'd give you my house. No gimmicks. No tricks. She's done alot for me and I appreciate it. (said in a joking manner. I love my house.)

Husband: No, I want to buy it. There's always a trick. I want to buy her a house. She deserves it.

OP: I agree. If you need help with a down payment, count me in.

Husband: I don't need money. I need you to write a letter saying that you are giving her a promotion with a higher pay so that I can take out a higher loan under her name. I'm not working. I have no income so I need her to make more.

OP: I can't do that. That's illegal.

Husband: No, it's not and don't tell H anything. She worries too much and I want it to be a surprise.

By this time H comes over to see what's going on. I tell him I can't do that and go on home. Last Friday, he brought it up again. He was standing in the pouring rain, complaining that he can't get a bigger loan and that they are requiring this letter from me. He doesn't work. He's refusing to work. H pays for everything in their home.

I don't know what to do anymore. She just told me that her mother is ill with cancer and they don't think she'll last long. She brought up a few issues with her husband and I wanted to tell her but I don't want to stress her out more. WIBTA if I told her that her husband wants this illegal letter from me?

TL;DR: Coworkers husband wants me to write an illegal letter so he can take out a bigger loan under her name since he doesn't work. He wants the loan to buy her a home.

What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

SantaPachaMama said:

NTA but I would thread carefully. Speak to her in private and absolutely put your foot down with this man, be firm and absolutely clear that such request will not be tolerated and that you have 0 qualms about forward with a complaint against him. He will get her into a massive debt and that would be horrific for her.

LittelFoxicorn said:

Yes, you must tell her! He literally said he wants to take out a loan on her name without her knowledge. You have no idea what might be going on! For all you know he is trying to rob her blind and then leave. He might have a gambling addiction, ammasd debt in other ways,... This is not a 'it is none of my business' thing. This is information that might keep someone from serious legal and monitary trouble

AskTinaPJ said:

NTA but red flags are raised for your friend's relationship. Not only is this illegal, it is financial abuse. If she brings something up, tell her. She's brought issues up before, so will again. He doesn't want to buy her a home. He wants to get into massive debt in her name to buy himself a place to stay.

ComprehensiveBand586 said:

NTA. What he wants to do is identity theft. He wants to borrow all this money that she'll be forced to repay if she doesn't report his theft. And what do you want to bet that he plans to take all that money and leave her?

Otherwise how else would he explain where he got all that extra money? Even if he doesn't leave he's making her situation worse than it already is. Tell her. She deserves to know what he's plotting to do to her.

Ok_Image6174 said:

YWNBTA, wtf is wrong with this guy? He will ruin her credit if he does this and luckily I don't even think it's possible to just take out a loan in someone else's name without them being there, but yikes what an AH. He isn't working so she'll be on the hook when they default on this loan.

Phil_Oop_North said:

NTA. I'm sorry, I know it's going to suck, but you MUST tell her about this. Seriously, this is raising some huge red flags. He wants you to commit fraud, he wants to take out a loan IN HER NAME that she will struggle to repay, and he doesn't want her to know about it. This sort of thing is a form of domestic abuse.


I spoke to her and let her know everything that he told me. She told me not to worry, that he's crazy, and she would never ask me to make a letter like that. She understands the implications. Apparently, he had spoken to her about buying the home and she shut him down entirely.

She has been monitoring her credit. She says their culture is complicated and chose not to go in depth. She says that if he approaches me again to let her know. She says her only focus right now is her mother's illness. She thanked me for coming forward.

Sources: Reddit
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