Man fed up wife always drives, she says 'it's the only thing I can control.' AITA
In general, driving is just a means of transportation.
But in a relationship, it can create a strange power dynamic. In this case, the OP felt emasculated because his wife always drove. Always. She insisted it was necessary because of her motion sickness, but when he pushed a little further, she admitted that it was all about control.
'AITA for wanting to drive the family instead of my wife?'
Since we were married, my wife always wanted to drive when we go places together (and now as a family). She originally said she got car sick, so I went with it for a long time, even though it made me feel uncomfortable.
It has been bothering me more and more lately. Especially when we are at social events and everyone's leaving and I'm sitting in the passenger seat waving bye to everyone getting into their cars, feeling like a child.
I brought it up in a marriage counseling session recently (this is more of a maintenance type thing that we've been doing for a long time), and our counselor recommended that she give me a chance driving. She wasn't happy at all but agreed to try it out.
Every time I've driven now she has been extremely bitter. She'll sit in the passenger seat stewing away in anger. One word responses, very cold. She mentioned that 'this is the one thing that I can control and now I don't have that.' (Funny enough didn't mention car sickness at all).
It's been 5 or 6 times now that we've done this. Each time I bring it up she gets pissed off. She won't refuse, but she will be miserable.
I'm not going to lie, my reasoning for wanting to drive is that I believe the husband should. It's embarrassing for me when others see me sitting in the passenger seat being driven by my wife. It's emasculating. When I started driving my daughter even asked me why I was driving, when I responded 'Daddy's drive too' she responded with 'But you don't!'.
Her reasoning is that she get's car sick (but hasn't complained about it once being in the passenger seat) and that she loses some sort of control. She has stated that she hates that our Counselor gave that suggestion.
AITA for wanting to be the driver when we go places as a family? Should I just let her drive and deal with it even though it makes me feel uncomfortable and a bit disrespected as a Husband. Thanks!
The verdict was pretty harsh from readers:
YTA. I am laughing at you for being more concerned about your ego and being insecure over driving than your wife’s well being. She said car sickness and being in control. That should raise some red flags for you. Why doesn’t she feel in control of other things? Are you traditional in other ways? I am curious about something, does your wife work?
My boyfriend has been in SO many stupid little accidents but still acts like he's a gift to driving.
He even said he feels embarrassed and emasculated and disrespected because his wife drives. What in the a**-backwards patriarchy is going on here? I'm downright shocked he didn't use the term Alpha.
NTA. Control is a two way street, as is compromise. I don't feel that you are acting any more controlling than your wife.
OP what you're 'suffering' from is called TOXIC MASCULINITY. It's okay to want to take turns driving, but your reasoning is so misogynistic. YTA for the reasons your giving.
I'm not voting, but I am observing. If this was written by a woman whose husband never let her drive, the responses would be so different.
ESH. Typical Reddit only looks at the sexist side and says YTA, which you are. But your wife is equally as big of an AH for insisting ONLY she drives and throwing tantrums like a child if you take a turn.
After all of these messages, the OP returned:
I appreciate the opinions, however harsh they were. I may have to re-evaluate some of my own thoughts on this one. Thanks again!