Woman snaps at sister; says, 'you have fancy things, why do you ask for money?' AITA?

Standing up for yourself to an entitled family member can be an emotional whirlwind. Even more so, if other family members and friends are used to you bending to that person's will. The onslaught of anger and entitlement that spills toward you when you stand up for yourself can be a lot to bear, which is why it's nice to get the support of kind internet strangers when you're in the weeds.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her sister she can't help with the baby anymore unless she gets paid. She wrote:

"AITA for not wanting to help pay for my sister's baby anymore?"

My sister had a baby, I was super happy for her obviously, and a couple weeks after baby was born she comes to me asking if I can help pay for the baby's stuff (food, diapers, hygiene products) and obv she just had a baby & she’s my sister so I help her no questions asked. A detail I can’t leave out is that my sister(26) is wealthy.

Not like a millionaire, but she has a lot of money to spend and a lot of money saved. I(24), am poor, not homeless, but most goes to bills, rent, I’m living in a trashy apartment, two jobs, you get it. So I’m buying her whatever she needs for the kid, when she needs more I get more, even taking care of her kid whenever she or her husband can’t, and I really didn’t have a problem with it.

That was until a family get-together, and she’s showing off her baby's expensive room (canopy crib, decked out in decorations and toys all that stuff) and once again, didn’t pay much attention to it. Unfortunately I got a little alcohol in my system and asked about it. “Hey why am I paying for baby essentials while you're buying all this for her?“

Something like that, and she immediately gets defensive, saying how she doesn’t want her kid to have a boring “babyhood.” I say the same thing again, “Totally get it, but if you have money for all this technically unimportant stuff(the extreme amount of decorations) why am I paying for all this stuff ,“ and we go back and forth.

I find the fact that she’s buying all of this unnecessary stuff for a baby while I’m stuck paying for things the kid actually needs, of course, I want the kid to have toys, but everything else? She leaves and everyone's looking at me like I grew another head. I get whispers, nasty looks, my mother saying I’m horrible for not wanting to help my sister (which isn’t what I even said in our argument) and I just go.

Of course, we get over it not even two days later, I go back to buying stuff, watching her kid. Another thing, I have to take days off work for her kid, so not only am I not getting money from my jobs, I’m not getting any type of money from her. So because of that, I have to work 2x more then what I did before, and rents close.

I’m watching her kid, she gets home, kids asleep. I say “I can’t do this anymore, I’m stressed out with my jobs and rent is due soon, unless you can pay me some money back for all this, I can’t do it.“ And bam, s#$t storm. I don’t wanna get specific but the whole thing ends with her saying if I don’t care about her kid I can leave.

I love her lil baby, but I can’t get evicted, so I left. It didn’t even take 24hrs for me to get multiple texts, calls, all calling me names, saying I’m a horrible sister. A week later and I’m still getting sarcastic and rude messages from my sister. I’m stressed out, and my brain's in scrambles. Am I the AH for all this?

The internet was in OP's corner, and told her to stand strong.

RemyTheMagnificent wrote:

NTA.

Your sister is using you.

Accomplished_Two1611 wrote:

I don't get it. The sister is married. She had the baby. It's her responsibility. I thought this was some situation where the baby was in dire circumstances. I guess it must be so kind of cultural thing? In any case, I would be done, outside of birthday presents and the like. As for babysitting, if you are not working and you want to, fine. Otherwise, no. NTA. Anyone who has an issue can take up your slack.

RedoftheEvilDead wrote:

OP is the scapegoat of the family. The scapegoat is supposed to give anything and everything they have to their immediate family without complaint and without ever getting anything in return. The sister and other family members are all pissed that op is questioning their role.

The scapegoat often supports the entire family financially and emotionally so the family really freaks out when the scapegoat goes off script. Then they do their best trying to beat them back into submission because they are never going to stoop low enough to treat the scapegoat with human decency, as an equal, much less apologize to them.

BoBoChew wrote:

You are NTA but you are a doormat. Giving to people who have more than you while you struggle is not an admirable trait. It's a low self-esteem trait. Every day you should practice in front of the mirror saying the word NO. Stop, I have made my decision and it is NO.

Don't try to reason with people like her. They don't care about you. Only about how they can use you. Stop babysitting too. Love yourself more. For all those people saying you are a bad sister: tell them you have to pay rent so how much money are they going to give you so you can help your sister? Nothing? the STFU thank you.

DoIwantToKnow6417 wrote:

Y T A for nurturing her kid instead of your SPINE. STOP paying for her kid's essentials.. STOP taking time off to take care of her kid so she doesn't. It's HER KID.

HER RESPONSIBILITY.

SHE HAS THE FUNDS.

YOU DON'T!

STOP BEING YOUR SISTER'S ATM

STOP LETTING YOURSELF BE MANIPULATED INTO GIVING TIME AND MONEY BECAUSE OF HER BABY.

HER BABY.

NOT YOURS.

NTA for finally trying to stop this AB*SE.

There is no gray zone here. OP is clearly TA to herself, for not putting her foot down sooner.