'AITA for calling my sister out for setting me up on inappropriate blind date and lying?' UPDATED
"AITA for calling my sister out for putting me on a blind date and lying to both of us about it?"
To cut a very long story short, my sister put me on a blind date with a wonderful woman. I agreed to it reluctantly but was pleasantly surprised on said date, as she was pretty much my type and it was the best date I had been on in years. Here’s the issue. The woman is 22, I’m 43.
Now this wouldn’t have been an issue if we had just discussed this on the first date, but foolishly we didn’t. For some reason this conversation didn’t come about for 3 months after the fact. Just for some context, the blind date was on skype, and we only got to meet properly a few weeks ago. Nevertheless, I think we both enjoyed it.
So where does my sister come into it? At no point did my sister ever mention the age gap was this big. When she said younger, I was presuming 30’s, not barely out of high school. On the other side, my sister had told the woman in question that I was in my 30’s, not 40’s. My sister is 33 so I presume she just thought we would be closer in age.
Anyway, when this revelation came about recently, I was seething and had it out with my sister for matching me with someone completely inappropriate and for lying to both me, and this woman she claims to be a friend. She can’t see anything wrong with it because as far as she’s concerned, we’re both adults and we’ve been going well for the past few months.
Not to mention that I should have asked myself and not presumed. My issue is the principle. You can’t lie to people like that, especially as I don’t date very often anymore after my wife passed. She claims she only did it because she knew I would have said no otherwise. So AITA for having a go at her, or should I just be grateful for her “kindness”?
Edit: Just to clarify, the woman I’ve been dating does pass for her late 20’s, something even she herself confirms. I have only met her in person once, and the vast majority of the time we only called on the phone or texted due to our jobs having hectic schedules.
There was no conversation about our childhoods or anything which led either of us to believe the age gap was this large, and just to make it clear, I’m not remotely comfortable with this gap and my sister knew this
This is what top commenters had to say:
Treant21 said:
NTA. That's bonkers to me, like dating with an age gap is certainly doable but a 20 year difference means you two are at a completely different stages in life and maturity. How did she not see that age would be an issue?
ActionComics25 said:
NTA, your sister set you two up knowing it would be an issue for you and I'm guessing the young lady she set you up with, which is undoubtably an a-hole move.
wowieowie said:
NTA- your sister sucks.
This_Painting said:
NTA, but don't let this consume you. Your sister wants you to be happy, so she lied to try to nudge you along on a date. That was wrong, and she's an ah for this, but only mildly so.
Put your foot down with your sister and tell her that her meddling and dishonesty are counterproductive, and that if she wants you to be in a relationship, she's not helping by doing things like this. But don't let this hurt your sibling relationship too much. Sorry for the loss of your wife, and i hope you find happiness.
Puddrik said:
Nta. If she knew you wouldnt have done it if you knew there was a big gap why the hell would she set it up to begin with. Saying nothing will only lower the chances of it working out
OftheSea95 said:
NTA and honestly, thank you for not being one of those creeps that get off on the power imbalance.
Verdict: NTA.
He later shared this update:
Ultimately, I stuck to my guns and broke things off. Many of you asked how on Earth I could have gone all of that time without knowing her age, well that was because she knew my age and initially lied to me. Apparently she and my sister had already had a conversation about my age, and how it wouldn’t be an issue for her. She then asked my sister if I knew and my sister said, and I quote, “just play along”.
When I found out about this, I just had enough from both of them and left them to their own devices. It has been about a month and my sister and I are simply not speaking. She tried to call me and tell me that this was for my own good, but I just let her get on with it.
I’m not necessarily mad at either of them, but I’m just done with them. The feelings I felt for the woman were more or less manufactured because she put on a persona which she knew I would be attracted to. Although it has been some time, I’m still exhausted by the whole situation so I would prefer to keep my distance from the two of them.
Nevertheless, thank you so much to those who replied and checked up one me, it meant a lot. For now I will just keep going on my own, but these things happen. Reddit and Twitter did prove that there were some decent people out there. (Not necessarily saying the woman in question isn’t decent, I just question her approach to this particular situation).
Oh and to those saying “a male widow is a WIDOWER”. I’m very much aware of that, but after years of saying it, and having foreign relatives not knowing the difference between the two, I stopped caring as they both meant the exact same thing - a person who had lost their spouse.