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'AITA for not wanting to pay for my little sister’s medical bills?' UPDATED

'AITA for not wanting to pay for my little sister’s medical bills?' UPDATED


"AITA for not wanting to pay for my sister’s medical bills?"

Here's the original post:

My parents had me at 16. They were both in high school. After I was born, my father dropped out to work full-time and take care of me, so my bio mother could stay in school. Eventually, after finishing high school, she realized that motherhood wasn't for her and left my dad and me. I was 2, so I don't really remember her being around.

After that, my father worked three times as hard to provide for me. He also met a nice woman whom he later married when I was 7. I consider her my mom (I'll call her my stepmother to avoid confusion). My bio mother didn't contribute in any way, not even financially. In fact, the last time she contacted me before now was on my 3rd birthday, which was just a quick happy birthday card through the mail.

I never had ill feelings towards her decision because I had my dad, mom, and brother who filled the emptiness she left. My parents have never said anything negative about her. Her leaving me was not something I thought about every day, so you can imagine my confusion when she reached out on social media to talk. I thought about it for days before I agreed.

We met in a restaurant for the first time in 25 years. It was awkward small talk at the beginning before we delved into why she left. My bio mother teared up while explaining why. She suffered from postpartum depression and felt trapped by the constant cycle, so she felt compelled to leave. She explained why she reached out and made it clear that she didn’t leave because of me.

Of course, I sympathized with her, as I saw my stepmom go through postpartum depression with my brother and saw how much it affected her. We met a couple more times before I was invited to meet her new family. She had a husband, and also had 3 children, 13F, 11M, and 7F. After weeks of this, I had my most recent meetup with my bio mother.

She looked distressed while greeting me, so I asked if anything happened. She then explained to me in a quick response that her oldest daughter, 13F, has health issues (I won't say what due to how sensitive it is). She explained she needs $25,000 for medication and has accumulated medical bills of $20,000. She asked if I could pay it off.

For context, after graduating and receiving my postgraduate diploma, I landed my dream job that earned a good sum of money. I'm certain she may have heard about where my job was from somewhere and saw it as an opportunity. She gave me time to think about it. It didn't take long for me to say no to it. I felt used and exploited.

She never wanted to meet me; she just wanted money from the child she left to help the other child that she loves. After giving her my response, which wasn't much, just a simple 'no, I don't feel comfortable with that' through text.

I was soon bombarded with text messages from her husband telling me what a nasty piece of work I was, followed by more texts from my bio mother about how I'm so cruel for not helping out my sister due to my grudge against her.

And then, to top it all off, I was getting some messages from family members from her side of the family questioning why I'm being so difficult. So, am I really terrible for not paying for my half sister's medication and medical bills?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:

-BOOST- said:

NTA. This was 100% a scheme to get your money and nothing more. She hasn’t thought about you in 25 years until she needed money. I’m sorry your bio mom is a terrible human. I’m happy you found a mother in someone who wanted to be there for you. Do not give them one cent or they will bleed you dry.

When you actually feel remorse for shitty actions you don’t immediately solicit the person you wronged for money, I don’t care the circumstances. The harassment from her side after saying no should only put in concrete what you already suspected. Cut all contact and go live your life.

Broad-Discipline2360 said:

NTA. So many levels of ick. Your egg donor is AWFUL. Block everyone who thinks you should give money to a woman who abandoned and reconnected after TWENTY FIVE YEARS (?!) only to demand money. You are correct in the fact that you were only a cash cow for her. What a horrid creature she is. So glad you have a real family in your stepmom and brother.

MaxV331 said:

NTA tell her you will give her the money after she pays back your father for 16 years of child support plus interest.

WolverineNo8799 said:

NTA tell her you will pay for her daughters medical bills once she settles for 18yrs of child support that she owes you, plus 50% of the cost of your degree, including 50% of your living expenses whilst at college. Plus all of the birthday and Christmas presents that she owes you. Update me!

Routine-Traffic7386 said:

NTA. Your bio mom reaching out suddenly could have been great but this seems so manipulative and calculated that this was probably a con to get money and then ghost you.

The real “nasty piece of work” is your bio mom for thinking that she was within her rights to ask you for money to the tune of 45k just because she included you in her family for a few weeks after not being part of your life since you were a toddler.

I have nothing but sympathy for the your sick half sister but 20k in existing medical bills doesn’t accumulate over night which leads me to believe this was something premeditated on the part of the adults.

Later, OP shared this update to her original post:

Hey everyone, thanks for the feedback & Support! I just wanted to answer some questions and provide some clarity. I've learned more about what was happening in my bio mom's family. First of all, I questioned why she had three more children despite her postpartum depression.

It turns out that she and her husband found out early on about the severity of their first daughter's illness. They had two additional children (11M & 7F) as "savior siblings" for their oldest daughter's medical treatment. Neither of them were matches. I've currently blocked her and her husband.

I didn't go into this expecting to reconnect with my bio mom. That wasn't the plan. I already have a mom and I didn't need another one. I just wanted to give her a chance to explain herself. I never wanted a mother-daughter bond, just to be cordial or friendly. My family supported me in meeting my bio parent and I didn't blindside them.

I'm happy with my own family and don't need her to "complete" it. It’s not her leaving that bothers me, it's her current actions. But even through that all I will sympathise with her only on the basis that she suffered with ppd.

When my bio mom left, my grandparents and biological aunt stood by my dad. They raised me alongside my parents. They say she's always been mentally unstable and manipulative. I feel bad for my half-sister, but I can't give her the money. Sometimes I wish I had ignored my bio mom from the beginning. Also I blocked the strangers calling my phone a while back just forget to add that in.

Then, two months later, she shared this update on the situation:

Hello everyone, again. I thought I wouldn’t have to update this, and it would end after my first update. However, a lot has happened since then. Exactly a month after I posted my first write-in, my bio mom’s oldest daughter got really sick. I found out through relatives. By the time I could process that she was very ill, she passed away. I felt a lot of guilt for a while, to be honest.

After her funeral (which I didn’t attend), my bio mom’s husband wanted to speak to me. This was relayed to me through social media. I said no at first, but he said he just wanted to clear the air. He explained to me that it really wasn’t my fault and that he’s certain she would’ve passed regardless; he and his wife were just very desperate and grasping at straws.

Weeks passed, and bio mom’s husband couldn’t handle it anymore and left. Bio mom had a breakdown. This left their two remaining children vulnerable. So, it was court-ordered for my grandparents to take them in temporarily until they figure out a place to put them.

I’ve visited them once since. I know it’s terrible for me to say, but it’s kind of uncomfortable for me to be around them. I barely know them, and I feel guilt and responsibility for what happened to their sister.

Sources: Reddit
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