Here's the original post:
My mama married my stepdad “Pete” when I was 10, but he and his daughter “Lacey” had lived with us since I was 9. (Lacey is a year younger than me, for reference.) Lacey really is not a good person and I’m not sure why since Pete is a good person (I’ve never met Lacey’s mom.) Lacey would say transphobic stuff. She also used “autistic” as an insult.
In middle school, Lacey made fun of me often and mama and Pete would say it was just Lacey’s sense of humor and she didn’t mean any harm. She stopped in high school because then our parents put their foot down with Lacey, but Lacey still made fun of kids at school and she honestly hasn’t changed much since middle school.
It’s why Lacey and I have no relationship and I only see her as Pete’s bio kid and not my sister. I am getting married in September, but my fiance and I have been planning our wedding for two years. We had confirmed all our bridesmaids and maid of honor since the beginning of this year.
Lacey asked to meet at our parents’s house and showed up in this extravagant white dress while saying that I should tell my bridesmaids to get similar dresses because she wanted them to match the maid-of-honor (herself.) Again, our wedding is in a month and Lacey hadn’t even asked me about being a bridesmaid. I laughed out loud because I honestly thought it was a joke.
I realized Lacey was serious and I told her that there must have been a misunderstanding because my best friend, “Aurora” is my maid-of-honor. Lacey started saying some really vile stuff about Aurora and that she was supposed to be the maid-of-honor because she’s family.
I told Lacey that she has an ugly attitude and that I will never see her as my real family because she acts like people are below her. Lacey started yelling at me, but I told her I wasn’t dealing with her and left. My fiance and friends say that Lacey was being seriously entitled and I don’t owe her to let her be my maid-of-honor especially when she’s always been so nasty.
But my parents said that what I told Lacey was cruel. Because even though we didn’t get along well for most of our lives, Lacey reaching out to be my maid-of-honor is a sign she wants to have a bigger role in my life. Mama and Pete said I was wrong when I told Lacey I don’t see her as my real family, and I am implying that stepfamily can’t be real family.
I didn’t and still don’t see my statement to Lacey that way, because it was about Lacey's attitude and not her being a stepsister. But since mama and Pete both saw it that way, I’m not sure if I was being out of line. AITA?
She is coming to your wedding in that dress.
NTA. Your mom and stepdad are enablers to Lacey which is one reason she's so entitled. Nothing she did during that presentation was an olive branch.
NTA. This doesn't necessarily mean she wants a bigger role on your life, it means she wants to be a maid of honor. If she really wanted to be more involved with you, you would see the signs in other places. You don't need an excuse to have whoever you want in your wedding party, and you certainly don't need to have people there that won't make you happy.
NTA. Being the maid of honor in a wedding is about who is closest to the bride. My best friend, not my sister, was my MOH, and I wasn’t my sister’s MOH. We were never super close and neither at us had hard feelings about it.
Lacey is not trying have a bigger role in your life, she is trying to upstage you wedding. I’m sure your mama and stepdad would love to pretend you’re all one big happy family but that’s just not true for you and Lacey (and for good reason).
Update: Thank you for the feedback and advice. We have taken many of your common suggestions and hired security. They know to keep an eye out for Lacey and if she tries to make a scene or arrive in that white dress they will have her leave.
showed up in this extravagant white dress while saying that I should tell my bridesmaids to get similar dresses because she wanted them to match the maid-of-honor (herself.) Yeah NTA it’s not her being a step sibling it’s her having a nasty attitude
NTA. It seems you view Pete as family. You can point this out to them to emphasize the issue is the Lacey. Your statements were factual that you don’t view her as family. There’s nothing to apology for.
Besides who pretended they’re the moh, decide on their dress, and choose a white one? She’s hugely entitled and you should consider un inviting her. Or having a plan with security to throw her out if she wears that dress, or create other trouble.