'AITA for cursing out my brother after he said I spoil my wife too much?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my brother to F off because he thinks I spoil my wife to much?"

Here's the original post:

I 28M told my brother 35M to F off because he thinks I spoil my wife 24F to much. Here’s some back story: Me and my brother come from a comfortable family and it was pretty known that one day he’d take over the family firm. But that didn’t happen because my brother wanted to be an engineer so I stepped in to fill his spot, it wasn’t on purpose I just enjoyed the family business.

I also invested in a lot of things and have multiple streams of income. My wife comes from an unfortunate background so I like to fulfill a lot of her childhood dreams. I love to see her face when I take her new places and buy her new things. And I honestly think that what’s she deserves, she’s worked hard her whole life and I just wanna make the rest of her life easier.

I don’t wanna burden her with things she’s dealt with as a child. And my wife also struggles with mental health and I treasure taking her on vacation or sending her on one so she can have a break from her mind.

Look I am obsessed with my wife okay. And I know sometimes I can go overboard but it’s a way of me expressing my love language. I send her flowers because she loves them, our wedding was wild flower themed. So last Sunday was our wedding Anniversary so yes I filled our house with wildflowers. Yes that seems dramatic but my wife loved it so I don’t care.

My family came over and made us dinner to celebrate our Anniversary. It was a great time I enjoyed sharing this with my family. Until I stepped away to talk with my brother. I will say we had a few drinks and yes we know how to put it down we’re Italian.

We start having a civil conversation about our wives. It was fine until my brother said “You spoil your wife way to much my wife think it’s to compensate for a bad marriage.”

OF course I was pissed, and on all days he had to say it on my anniversary. I snapped, I told him to F off and if his wife and him think like this they’re no longer welcome in my home or around my wife. Him and his wife eventually left but not without a fight.

My SIL shouted at my family saying “I don’t know we treat that outsider like family.” My mother was pissed probably more than my wife. And her comment I don’t know if it was racist (my wife is Black) or classest. I’m starting to think a mixture of both.

But anyway AITA?

What do you think about this situation? This is what top commenters had to say:

neophenx said:

I'm about to get married and if anybody treated my fiancé like that I would become feral. NTA, when you got married your wife is no longer an outsider, she's a part of the family. For SIL to talk like that makes it sound like she thinks marriage is supposed to stay in the family which frankly has me hearing banjos.

SimpleEngineering462 said:

Sounds like SIL is jealous and BIL is annoyed that your kind gestures make him look like a bum. NTA. They can eat dirt.

toomany_questions said:

NTA, keep standing up for your wife and honestly it’s your money and if seeing her happy from things you have given her makes you happy, then that’s the end of it. Your money, you choose where it goes. (Also a wildflower themed wedding sounds BEAUTIFUL - OP I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to have to keep that idea for if I have the privilege to have a wedding!)

Unguest said:

Who cares what him or his jealous-ass wife thinks? Your money, your marriage. It's wonderful that you love doing such nice things for your wife. NTA.

bl00d_luster said:

I hope my future partner is as thoughtful as you. NTA, but maybe don’t tell your brother/others everything you do for her? not for his sake, just so you don’t have to deal with their yaoping (and the evil eye, if you believe in it)

Cleantech2020 said:

NTA. Bro and SIL are projecting because their marriage sucks, I bet plus they are probably being racist. I would honestly stay away from them from now on, grey rock them and go LC.

Several days after his original post, he shared this update:

So an update is me and brother have had a talk we have decided that we were both drunk and said a few things. But I’m keeping my distance because of his wife’s comments. I’ve read through the comments on my last post and I can agree I think my SIL is a bit racist from some passive aggressive comments she made about my wife but she apologized for them in the past.

Another issue why I’m keeping such a distance from my SIL is because me and my wife are pregnant(she told me this week). I’m really concerned situations like this will happen around my child and I don’t want that. I don’t want my child to think I would allow micro aggressions thrown at them in their own home.

I told my brother this and he understands, but he’s hurt that I think about his wife in such way. But I simply don’t care I can’t sympathize with them on this. My SIL is a grown woman and knows exactly what she says and how they can affect people.

Another thing I wanna address is my brother has bought my SIL a whole lot and have taken her on multiple vacations. And my brother makes enough money to provide what I do and I’ll be honest he has a trust fund I’m sure is more than enough.

Yes I do make a bit more money and that’s only because of outside income and my wife has a good job as well she makes good money she works in marketing. So I don’t think my SIL is jealous of what I provide but maybe what I give to my wife emotionally.

And well my Mother and Sister aren’t speaking to my SIL at the moment and she’s blaming my wife instead of me. This just makes me want to distance myself from her more.

One more thing is yes my wife spoils me just as much lol. She always doing things for me for example she’s been really into making bento boxes and she’s been making me them everyday to take for lunch. She also buys me a lot for film me and my friends have made short films since college.

And she recently bought me a new electric guitar for my birthday in may that I’ve been wanting for a long time. And of course she buys me things sporadically at target when she goes just to go. Anyway there’s an update I’m just keeping my distance from them hopefully nothing blows up.