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'AITA if I tell my sister that our other sister had an affair with her husband?' UPDATED

'AITA if I tell my sister that our other sister had an affair with her husband?' UPDATED


"WIBTAH if I tell my sister that our OTHER sister had an affair with her husband?"

Here's the original post:

I (29F) have two sisters, 'Jess' 32F and 'Lina' 34F. Jess and Lina used to live in the same small town about twelve hours away from me, my brother, and our parents. Then Jess moved here, for better job opportunities and for more help with my niece 'Amy', 12. Jess hasn't even been in town for three months yet and last week she went and dropped the terrible bombshell on us.

Jess spent a YEAR having an affair with Lina's husband, 'Jeff', and they even had a miscarriage together in that time. Lina has absolutely no idea. Jess brought us all (me, parents, my husband, and my brother) involuntarily into her sh!t show by just breaking down and dumping this all on us in tears, after sending Amy off to play.

Apparently she was 'too guilty to live with herself without getting it off her chest somehow'. I have half a mind to tell her she should've just smothered, then.

The family is going nuts trying to decide what to do now. We urged Jess to come clean HERSELF to Lina, but she has flatly refused, saying that Lina is her best friend and she loves her too much to lose her friendship. And also that she feels it will break Lina's heart and destroy her family. Lina and Jeff have four kids together, my nieces and nephews ranging in age from 18 to 10.

A big part of me feels like Lina DESERVES to know, no matter what. But two things are really giving me pause. The kids, and Lina's feelings. The kids love their dad, love their house, love their land.

They'd be ripped away from all of those things in a divorce, would they not? And I worry a lot about how Lina would cope, if she knew. She's been such a devoted wife to Jeff, and she DOES consider Jess to be her best friend. It feels cruel, to shatter her reality like that.

Jess is pretty much dead to me, over this. So is Jeff. I don't know what to do and I'm very torn. I just want to do what's best for Lina and the kids. Should I speak up, since Jess won't? Or no? I know infidelity is a sore subject when it comes to whether or not to speak up. I need help.

What so you think? Should she speak up? Or would that be an a-hole move? This is what top commenters had to say:

shiny-baby-cheetah said:

Damn. I'm really sorry this is happening to your family. That's terrible. This is a tough situation for sure but ultimately, I feel like even though it's terrible news, someone has to deliver it, because Lena deserves to know. NTA but be prepared for the backlash.

Old_Hamster_4218 said:

Damn. This is going to get dark. It’s a matter of time until she finds out anyway. Do you want to be the sister that knew something, and decided to protect her cheating husband and sister? That is how she will see it. Even if your intentions were to spare her feelings.

its_nicB1tch said:

If I were Lina and I found out you knew and didn’t tell me, I would personally take that as a betrayal. It’s awful but if Jess really won’t tell her I think you should, or at least get a family member to do it. It will be hard, she will be beyond hurt, but she needs your support right now. I’m sorry your sister put this burden on you, it’s completely unfair and shouldn’t have been your responsibility

Bitter-Fishing-Butt said:

LiNa'S mY bEsT fRiEnD.... are you sure about that?? Jess sounds like a terrible person right now :/

Bonnm42 said:

YWNBTA and you should absolutely tell her. All your concerns, Lina’s feelings being hurt, kids lives being upended are already at risk of happening. They have been the minute her Husband decided to be unfaithful, and her Sister/Best Friend betrayed her. You will not cost Jess her relationship with Lina.

Jess cost herself that relationship. The only thing not telling Lina will get you, is hurting Lina even more. Imagine how hurt she will be if she finds out he cheated AND her Family knew of her Sisters and Husbands affair and did not tell her.

Verdict: NTA.

After reading everyone's comments, she later shared this update on the situation:

I had to go to work and then bed after posting, but I've done my best to read as many of these posts as possible. I'm really appreciative of everyone who gave their perspective and advice. The folks who'd been cheated on personally were especially eye-opening. I'd asked myself a hundred times in the past week whether I should tell Lina just because I would want to know, if it were me.

Lina is honestly the most forgiving and timid, of the three of us. Always has been, and when we were growing up she'd get called a doormat. And I've always been the angry, intense one. I would definitely want to know, but a part of me truly worries that Lina won't thank us for this.

It was the overwhelming response that showed me there's likely only one right answer, as painful as it's going to be. Especially what pushed me to deciding was two things: I don't want to be seen as siding with Jess instead of Lina, in Lina's eyes. When she finds out, I want it to be from people who love her, instead of her feeling betrayed thinking she has no one on her side.

And second, the people pointing out that she's currently potentially vulnerable to STDs. I know my asshole sister is clean, but I don't know about Jeff, and honestly I've been so shocked over the situation that it hadn't occured to me that he might be an even BIGGER POS and could be sleeping with OTHER people.

That was the final push. I don't want to hurt Lina, but I'd rather she never talk to me again than hold her hand after a herpes diagnosis or while she does of cervical cancer. Screw that.

I'm meeting up with my parents and my brother on Sunday morning, and we're going to have a big talk about how to handle the situation. My dad isn't going to happy because he's terrified of how the fallout will affect Lina and the kids when she knows, but ultimately, Lina being safe matters more. I'm going to lead with the suggestion of forcing Jess' hand and making her confess, this this is her fault.

We don't want to tip Jeff off, so he can't try to weasel out with lies first. And honestly, the logistics of getting to Lina in person are gonna be hard, but we'll pool together and see what we can do. I'm definitely not suggesting the zoom call, I know those suggestions were well meaning but if my family did that to me, I'd die of shame, so we're gonna pass on that.

My goal is to have us make a plan where we deliver a watertight ultimatum with a short deadline to Jess, and then focus on what we can possibly do for Lina once she knows. If Jess refuses to ball up by the deadline, it'll probably be me and my mom telling Lina. In which case wish me luck. Thank you again for all the help, and I'll try to update again when I have significant news.

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