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'My mom tried to trick me into reconciling with my sister and my ex. It backfired.' UPDATED 2X

'My mom tried to trick me into reconciling with my sister and my ex. It backfired.' UPDATED 2X


"My Mom (60s) wanted to force a reconciliation between me (35F) and my sister (32) but it backfired. I don't know if I want her in my life anymore"

Here's the original post:

I started dating my brother’s best friend when I was 16. We were together until I graduated high school when he proposed and I rejected it. There was a lot of drama, with my family asking me to reconsider because “we could have a long engagement“ or make a promise to reconcile.

My relationship with my brother (36) suffered for a while, but the one with my sister (32) never recovered. She was sure my ex was the best fit for me and became unbearable when she started dating my ex’s brother. My ex was invited everywhere by my siblings, even to some family holidays, but I didn’t say anything since he was their friend too. That is until my sister started to push for us to get back together.

My sister did everything from trying to get us on blind dates to making us share a room during holidays. No matter the occasion, my ex was invited to it. After a while I had enough and asked my parents to intervene, they were clear with my siblings and stopped inviting my ex to things or allowing him to tag along so much. It was slightly better but while my brother backed off my sister didn’t.

It all came to a crash when I met my husband during a semester abroad. He was from another university but the same country and we just clicked, it was magical for me and we got engaged after dating for a year. My family was very happy for me, except my sister.

She kept insisting I was in the honeymoon phase and will grow out of it, I clearly didn’t and after many many many (can’t express enough how many) fights and attempts to reunite me with my ex I simply let her know if she pulled anything again I will stop talking to her.

What does she do after that warning? Makes me her MOH and requests I spend all my time with the bridal party a.k.a. my ex AND sets one of her friends as my husband’s date. We didn’t realize until we were at the reception and the poor girl tried to make a pass at my husband, my sister said that since we are not married it was OK to explore things with other people.

I left the party and the next day spoke with my parents and brother, explained that while I won’t make them choose I will NOT talk to my sister ever again and if they try to fix stuff between us I will simply cut contact with them too.

My Mom was devastated and tried to negotiate, but my Dad and Brother said they would respect my decision and apart from 2 attempts from my Mom I haven’t spoken, written, or anything with my sister in the past 6 years. My sister has tried everything to reconcile with me. From gifts to tantrums but I simply don’t talk to her at all. If we are at a family event or dinner I simply act like she doesn’t exist,

at first she made snarky comments or tried to create drama but since nobody backed her up she gave up. She did have a meltdown when she was informed she was invited to my wedding but would NOT be part of any preparation. My brother says he feels guilty for going along with it for so long and his relationship with my ex has suffered since my ex, they still talk but they are not as closed anymore.

The issue: My Mom’s birthday was couple weeks ago and I finally announced we are expecting our first child, this is not the first grandchild but is the first granddaughter. Everybody was very happy except my sister. My Mom noted that and asked me for tea the other day, my sixth sense told me not to go but I wanted to be positive. The first thing I noticed when I arrived was my sister’s car,

then as I entered the door there was my sister, her husband, my ex and my exMIL. They wanted to have an intervention since my childish tactic has gone for so long. My ex said that he was just trying to be romantic but he understands I couldn’t appreciate it, his Mom said I was just hurting my sister for wanting the best for me and she apologized already so I need to forgive her.

I was just sending texts to my family (Dad, Brother, Husband) and looking at my Mom in disbelief. My BIL had the balls to tell me I was a hurtful person and I need to learn how to act like an adult since I am having a baby now. Then my Mom began reading a letter about how hurt she was her daughters weren’t close, how my sister was wrong but she was well intended, etc.

Then my sister read her letter and began crying and telling me basically another version of what the rest did. I said nothing to anybody, just sat there until my Brother arrived. He was angry beyond anything I’ve ever seen before, he grabbed my stuff and told them all he was really disappointed and disgusted. We went outside and sat in his car until my Dad and Husband arrived,

by then I was just sobbing and he kept saying sorry. I am unsure what happened in there but I sent everybody (except Mom) an email with my lawyer’s number info attached and stated I don’t wish to be contacted by any of them ever again and if they do I will go to the police. Nobody has contacted me but I know from my Dad my Mom and sister are hysterical,

they told him they hoped to repair things and for my sister to be able to be on my baby’s life, maybe possibly being a Godmother! My Dad is staying with my Brother at the moment, they support me but some others in the family don’t. I’ve erven had mutual friends call me since they are worried about my sister’s well being and asking me what happened,

since she is now going by the narrative my Husband is keeping me away from my family. I HATE having my business in public but I did go the public route and posted a loong FB post about everything that happened. Sister, BIL and ex are being dragged which even if it wasn’t 100% intended I feel is deserved.

Now, my Mom has been inconsolable which does make me feel bad but not as bad as she made me feel with her little intervention. I agreed to have a talk with her a couple of days ago and laid the ground rules for any possible future interaction, including: therapy, family therapy, clear boundaries, no sharing information about me with my sister, and separate holidays.

Most important: if she ever pulls anything like this again she will for sure be cut off. She feels this is too much but is willing to do it, she thought it meant immediate access to baby news and it is all solved but I told her it is a process and she needs to prove she has improved. My Dad and Brother refuse to talk to my sister and they keep apologizing for not stopping it earlier.

We’ve forgiven them since they were able to move on and grow. My Husband supports whatever I decide but my MIL is unsure cutting my Mom’s access to her granddaughter is the way to go but says it is ultimately my decision. I am torn about what to do with my Mom.

TL;DR! Haven’t talked to my sister in 6 years because of her obsession with me and my ex. My Mom organized an intervention on her behalf so we could reconcile and now I am unsure if I even want my Mom in my life anymore.

This is what top commenters had to say:

empressith said:

Your sister is unhinged. I am so sorry. This is over a guy you dated in HIGH SCHOOL.

DerpyYeti117 said:

35! So, like she thinks you should marry the dude you were puppy loving in highschool like almost TWENTY YEARS AGO. I'm 33. So basically we're the same age and certainly same highschool era.... That was like 2001.... You know. George W. Bush was in office and U2 were actually popular. And the iphone wasn't even thought of yet lol.

I had to google and look up, "popular in 2001" to find these things out, cause I barely remember the early 2000s. THE XBOX HAD JUST CAME OUT. The Original One... With THE FIRST HALO. THE FIRST HALO.... Yeah. That's how long we're talking about here lol. THAT'S HOW LONG IT WAS AGO. THAT IS SO OVER THE TOP I JUST CAN'T.

You're 35! Almost middle aged! My God, your sister... I mean, dude.... That's all I got for this one. DUDE.

creatureshock said:

I'm kind of surprised your stalker Ex, and yes I will call him that, is still in your brother's life. That said, hold firm with your mother. No timelines. She has to show she can stick to your rules. Sister needs to live with the consequences of her actions.

Fit-Magician1909 said:

17 years and this ex and your sister are still holding out??? WTF is wrong with them? You did NOTHING wrong. NO one (with any common sense) could blame you for going no contact with any of them. I am 100% in your corner. I have cut 2 of my brothers out of my life and make zero effort to remain in contact with my mother.

It is YOUR choice. Please remember that if you ever leave your child with your mother she will have your sister over before you can get 10 ft away.


The state of my family so far: I had a conversation with my mother but she insists she knew best, I am a bad person and she will be getting grandparents rights or even custody. I am nothing what she says, but I still panicked so we sent her a letter about it. My dad moved out definitely, he told her that he could not sign on her terrorizing his kid. My brother and his wife also decided to go NC.

I know it seems very sudden but I think I undersold the level of dispair I had after the "intervention". My husband told them afterward they had to think very well about what they appreciated and to be kind and receptive to everything but would not raise a kid on a toxic environment (Reason 3271637 why I love my husband)

My husband is very heartbroken about my Mom and her fakeness, he says she will never get anything from him. That is as much as revenge goes here. My husband and sisters talked to my MIL about her comment and made her understand why it was very out of it, as many of you assumed she is a very loving mom, from a loving family.

My dad and brother keep apologizing for any role they played on this, my dad can't believe it went to this point, he says it is still surreal for him. Regardless, They support me no matter what and say they are willing to help me fight whatever ridiculous fight my Mom or siter put.

Final update:

Or I hope it is.

I want to thank the lovely messages and encouraging words. I decided to post it here so it wouldn't be deleted like the original was. Things are great and horrible at the same time but I am trying to remain positive about everything.

My brother and his wife sat my nephews down and explained that grandma was ill and tried to hurt auntie Diamond and the little cousin. They explained grandma would not be part of their lives anymore but that doesn't mean she doesn't love them, it was really hard but the kids are smart.

They were also told other aunt is no longer in their life but they don't care because they dislike her, not because of me alone simply because she is not exactly great with them either. My mom lost it when she was informed and started claiming she had rights and she will get to see her grandchildren. My dad is looking for a permanent place but will stay with us until January,

mainly due to my brother's MIL coming to visit and we having the space. He is really sad, has called divorce lawyers already, moved bank stuff, etc. He has been getting countless emails, messages and calls from my mom but he doesn't reply to anything; the lawyer told him to not block her right now. He considered maybe forgiving her but

I got a huge spike on my blood pressure a couple days after my last post here because she decided to come to my place WITH my sister. My sister had never been to my home, my mom knew I didn't want her there but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The cleaning lady let them in since she knows my mom and I haven't had the time to inform her she was not allowed to come in anymore.

I was just coming from some errands and I saw the car, this time I didn't get in. I called all of my relatives and my SIL (husband's sister) was the one closer to me, she confronted them and told them either they leave of I call the police on them for trespassing. They left and I started feeling bad, we went to the Dr and they told me all the "excitement" was not good,

I neded to start relaxing, or it would hurt the baby. My dad went home with my brother, uncle and my husband and took every single thing he could think of. My husband says my sister was there too and she kept screaming at him that he destroyed her family. My dad told my mom and sister they almost killed the baby and he also doesn't want to talk to any of them again.

My sister kept sending messages to my brother, begging for help but is not happening. I am devastated and very sad for my nephew since he is losing so much of his family because his mother has some wacky ideas but it is what it is. As per the custody and grandparent rights my mom wants to throw around so much, my lawyer sent her a letter stating she caused harm to my health, and the baby,

and if she keeps harassing me it will become an official legal matter. My brother also sent her a letter using her harassing of me. Both, mom and sister, have refused to go to therapy. They might be mentally ill but with all of this coming to light it is obvious they have been in agreement for a long time. I will focus on spending the holidays with my family, being healthy and going to therapy.

Sources: Reddit
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