Woman says engagement was overshadowed by sister's pregnancy; 'But I told you in private.'
"AITA for telling my sister privately that I was pregnant after she got engaged?"
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My older sister and I have always had a pretty good relationship (at least from what I thought on my end). In October/November of 2022 I had already mentioned that my husband and I were hoping to start a family soon. In December of 2022, she got engaged.
I was over the moon for her. Her and her fiance were going to host Christmas and we were going to celebrate. I promised her that my husband and I would drink and we would find a way to get home (because I was usually the DD.)
A couple days later I started to feel off, so I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was incredibly nervous to tell my sister but I didn’t know how else to go about it. I told her privately over the phone.
My sister was very angry with me. She said I should have lied and found a way to conceal it. But all I could think of was how bad it would look to keep lying and saying I wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t come.. or to go to the celebration and say I’m not feeling well and anyone who’s smoking in the house would need to smoke away from me and I’m not drinking.
I felt it would come off either very rude (as if I wasn’t happy for her) or suspicious and I didn’t want the question to pop up. I tried to contact her multiple times after to talk, but everything she said kept getting more aggressive.
She said I stole her thunder, that I took the sparkle from her news, to keep an arms length away from her, that she wants me to have nothing to do with the wedding, that she would have to plan her wedding around my pregnancy, etc...
I just don’t understand how that was possible since they were getting married in the spring and I was due end of summer. She did not plan to have a bachelorette or a bridal shower. She did not have a bridal party either.
Not only that, she said it was going to be intimate with less than 30 people there. Eventually, after multiple attempts to contact her and apologize, I gave up. I stopped trying. It put a lot of stress on me and I couldn’t have that being pregnant.
She sent me a text invite to her wedding even though we still hadn’t cleared the air. I said I would come to the ceremony but not the reception because I still wanted to see her get married.
Also, at this point I was showing. I did not want to be in a small room with people and have the chance of taking anything away from her. She responded back telling me if I’m not going to come to both, don’t bother coming. So I didn’t.
I tried to contact her a few more times after this, but it went unanswered. I did try to go see her once in person since I appear to be blocked on everything.
But she told me to leave her alone and never contact her again. She has never met her niece. Doesn’t care to. I feel like I’m failing to see where I went wrong and hoping for insight. AITA?
EDIT**: my sister has done a lot for me over the years. She and my brother took on the parental role because our parents were not fit to be parents. They looked out for me in ways that I’ll never be able to thank them for.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
seregil42
I don't think "over-reaction" is a strong enough term for your sister. A simple "that's great! Could you please not announce this at the party this weekend, though?" would have sufficed. The rest of it is just mind boggling. NTA, if this is how this actually happened.
1962Michael
NTA. Apparently she expected you to resume birth control in deference to her announcement. Which is nuts. You could just as easily have accused her of "stealing your thunder" by getting engaged after you told her you were trying to start a family. I can't imagine what is going through her head, except that she has a severe case of main character syndrome.
Basilsainttsadface
NTA. I'm still trying to wrap my head around her response.
East-Experience2862
I'm assuming she didn't want a pregnancy to steal the spotlight from her big moment. I think her sister is in the wrong because the pregnancy was not planned to ruin her moment. It would be a huge waste to abort the baby and foolish to hide the baby for the engagement just to appease this sister character.
forgeris
NTA. Not sure what is going on in your sisters mind though, from all reactions that your pregnancy could cause hers was one of the silliest.
East-Experience2862
NTA! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope things improve with your sister soon.