Teen won't tutor 'favorite' sis; 'I'm sick of helping her when she only hurts me.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my mom to spend money on a tutor for her favorite daughter because I won't be helping my sister?"
Fine_Cut6784
My parents had me (16f) and my sister (14f). We lost our dad a few years ago. My mom has heavily favored my sister since she was born. To the point she has raised my sister to be a pretty shitty person to be around. At least she is to me.
Dad noticed it and called mom out and at some point they did therapy where apparently it came to light that the grandmother she named me after, was a person my mom had a lot of resentment toward. Why she named me after her then I will never really know.
She claimed not to realize at the time. But she at least has some resentment toward me based on that. She also had some PPD when I was born and claimed the early months with me were a very dark time.
Whenever we fight, she takes my sisters side regardless of what happens. Sister takes food off my plate? Won't get in trouble. If I yell at her for it? I get punished. If I take food off my sisters plate in return? I get punished.
Sister takes something from my room? Nothing said. I bang on her door after she locked it and try to get it back? Punished for harassing my sister and making noise. I tell my mom about this stuff happening? She says something about learning how to share or my sister being the baby or my sister needing more so let it go.
My sister loves to gloat that mom loves her more. My sister has told me that mom has told her she loves her but tolerates me. My sister told me mom wishes I had died instead of dad. She told me they talk about that stuff. She also told me after dad died mom pulled all the money from my college savings and put it into hers.
My sister also lies to mom and claims I did stuff when she feels like I didn't get in enough trouble recently. In June she got me grounded for the whole month by breaking her laptop and claiming I had done it.
She knew it would be believable too because I resented mom for buying my sister a brand new gaming laptop while I had to buy a really cheap second hand one myself, with money from my birthday and Christmas. Mom didn't even let me say anything and my sister gloated that mom will always believe her over me.
It came to my mom's attention a few months ago that my sister is struggling in school in a couple of places and she can't seem to catch back up easily. But I always had good grades. I could even graduate early in theory, if my school offered that. They don't.
My mom is aware of this from past years. So she told me a couple of weeks ago that I need to start tutoring my sister before she gets into a hole she can't climb out of. I told my mom I won't help my sister.
Mom told me I will and it's my duty to help. I told her to spend money on a tutor for her favorite daughter because I won't do a thing to help either of them with this. I told her they don't deserve my help.
Mom asked how I could put my sister's future at risk. I shrugged. Mom called me names and slammed a door when she left me. The tension is high because of this and my sister is loving it. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
nobrainer_duh
NTA. Tell her you don't have the time. Since she allegedly took everything from your college fund, you need to work extra hard for scholarships. Your sister has a cushion you don't.
When and if she denies, bring up all the lies your sister has told you. It's ugly, but a necessary fight. You can finally know if they were lies or not. If she doesn't deny the allegations tho, just walk out. Stay in the library longer, or think of getting a part-time job. Anything to avoid them.
Stand your ground tho. Your sister will put all potential fuck ups on your head. You don't wanna be responsible for her grades or future. The duo will likely harrass you for the rest of your life saying her life is shit coz you intentionally sabotaged it or something. She likely wll ruin it out of spite just like her laptop. Stay as far away from it as possible.
The OP responded here:
Fine_Cut6784
The sad thing is, I believe what my sister told me or at least that there's a lot more truth than lie in there. Most people would say don't believe that of your parents/parent. But I believe it based off of my experiences with my mom. I had a part time job for a while until my mom called and got me fired from it.
nobrainer_duh
What even for? You aren't allowed to work? Just use this as an opportunity to clear the air, instead of living in doubt. You will have a clearer picture of what to do next, for YOUR career and life. Figure out how.
Cheer up, even if they don't love you, there's one person who always will. Yourself. Your dad had such faith in you too. You have great potential. Don't let them squander it, live your life. You matter. There's whole wide world outside your mom/sis drama.
The OP again responded here:
Fine_Cut6784
She said it was because I refused to use the small discount I got where I worked and bring stuff home for my sister when I finished each day. But I think my mom just hated that I got the job in the first place and was doing alright. Or maybe both. If I had been pampering her little spoiled princess maybe I would have been allowed to keep working.
nobrainer_duh
Don't go back, look forward. Stay back in school, or form a study group or something for SATs. Again, the drama your sister thinks is the entire world, will prove to be immaterial very soon. Ignore and look at the bigger picture.
Let that little brat figure out her own life. If she can concoct such elaborate lies and schemes and emotional manipulate both you and your mom(not saying she's a saint) she can figure out a few classes. Be your own number one priority ❤️
omgplatypus
Wow. Your mom sounds awful. You can emancipate at 16. If it was something that could work out for you. Cause that situation sounds terrible and any kid should be with people who love and respect them. NTA.
The OP again responded:
Fine_Cut6784
Emancipation is not an option for me. I have researched and asked a lawyer I know. In other states I would have a chance but we really only allow it in a select few cases.
Particular-Try5584
NTA. Instead of telling your mum it’s about favouritism, tell your mum that you aren’t a good teacher, and that your sister deserves ‘the best’ and that you don’t want to be responsible for her grades because you know that ’the dynamic between you isn’t conducive to learning’.
And then don’t do it. Because it’s awful. (This is the hogwash she can lap up because it suits the narrative she already carries right? Not a good truth but a believable one for her.) Hold on hon, in a few short years you will be able to grab your college fund, and hopefully a scholarship and bug out of there fast. Do so. You deserve the best.