Woman calls sister 'gold digger by proxy' for pushing daughter to 'trap' rich boyfriend.
"AITAH for telling my sister that she’s being a social climber by trying to manipulate her daughter in her relationship with her wealthy boyfriend"
Ok-Mathematician826
My sister has four daughters, and for the past two years, she's been hyper focused on her second daughter's relationship with her boyfriend. The daughter, my niece, stared dating her boyfriend a while ago but her mother didn't find out until much later that her boyfriend is from a very wealthy and well known family.
Not sure how she didn't know, but I suspect my niece didn't tell her this and my sister only found out after she met the boyfriend and found out whose son he is. Ever since then, my sister is trying to manipulate and 'manage' her relationship to get her to push this guy into commitment.
Telling her what to say to him, how to be with his family, etc. Then she gets mad when my niece does it her own way. She recently told my niece not to move in with him when he asked her if she would. My sister told her to tell him that she would only do so when they are engaged in order to push a commitment.
My niece didn't do this and has agreed to move in with him without an engagement. My sister was berating her in front of me and I lost my cool and told her that she shouldn't train her daughter to be a social climber and that she herself was acting like one.
We had an argument and she said she had her daughter's best interest in mind and that this guy clearly loved her a lot, so getting him to commit was in her best interests. We haven't talked much since. Anyway, my niece is lovely and mature, so I am confident that she'll make the right decisions independently. But was I an ahole towards my sister?
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's post:
SL33PYSL0THIE
NTA but can't wait for your sisters complaint of " why doesn't she talk to me anymore" 😂😂
Negative_Reading_600
My daughter married a rich guy and won’t give me any money, waaaaaa.
superflex
NTA. Wow, "golddigger by proxy" is a new one for me. Gross.
abgry_krakow84
NTA, your sister has *her* best interest in mind and is using her daughter for her own selfish gain.
Disastrous-Bee-1557
NTA. Your sister is giving off real Mrs. Bennet vibes. I hope your niece’s boyfriend doesn’t have any well meaning friends to try and talk him out of the relationship.
tuna_tofu
NTA-but shes not teaching her to be a social climber shes teaching her to be a golddigger. When one pushes their child they are a golddigger by proxy (kid doesnt care but MOM does desperately).
The rich BF is probably mom's retirement plan. So no it isnt her daughters best interest she is focussed on but her own. IF they end up together, they will need to go no contact with mom.
Sepulchretum
NTA. Also, if the boyfriend’s family is that wealthy, they’re already miles ahead of your sister’s half-baked schemes with lawyers and trusts anyway. To them, this would be like playing chess with a toddler.
The Op responded here:
Ok-Mathematician826
True, but that's not the problem. Regardless of what he and his family is or isn't doing, my sister shouldn't manipulate her daughter in this way.
Accomplished_Cold911
NTA. this is a new one! the mother of a child trying to golddig through her daughter! The world never ceases to amaze me. Your poor niece! I'd suggest being there for her and helping her through this maze that your sister is trying to force her through.
Usual_Bumblebee_8274
Nta. Although I wouldn’t really label it as social climbing. Your sister is teaching her daughter to use ppl to get what she wants. To not be independent & reach for her own dreams but to ride his coattails.
As a parent, we all want our kids to have an easy path & to have those experiences that come from having extra money. Having love, devotion & by giving it is far more important. If she keeps interfering, nothing good will come from it. Thankfully, your niece has no interest in doing things her moms way.