'AITA for telling my brother the truth about why I don’t ask him for anything?' UPDATED 3X
"AITA for telling my brother the truth about why I don’t ask him for anything?"
I (19f) have 3 brothers (27, 28 and 32). My oldest brother (Dave) got married to Sara in May. I study halfway across the world from my hometown where my family are. I got really sick a few months ago and rushed to the nearest hospital. Turns out they don’t accept my insurance and I had to pay out of pocket.
I was €50 short and called everyone I could but no one was picking up. I then called my oldest brother (Dave) because he always picks up and asked him to send me €50 and I would send it back once I get paid in a few days. He told me not to be ridiculous and he didn’t need me to pay him back €50.
Sara called me that night and asked how I was doing. After the chit chat, she asked if I could ask someone else the next time I need money because my brother is a married man. I was shocked but i apologised and said I offered to pay him back. She said it’s fine but next time, I should plan my finances in advance so I won’t have to rely on a married man.
It’s my birthday soon and Dave called to ask what I wanted. I said nothing and that I was fine but I appreciated him asking. My other brother called to ask what I want and I said I wanted some money to heat my apartment. I couldn’t afford to heat it this month.
He was baffled that I was so broke I couldn’t afford heating and I wasn’t saying anything. He started tearing up on the phone call with me and ended the call, and sent me $500 later. I guess he told Dave about the call with me because Dave called me and started interrogating me on why I just told him I didn’t need anything, and then asked my youngest brother.
He sounded offended and asked why I feel like I can’t rely on him. I asked “haven’t you spoken to Sara about this?” He was confused about what I meant and I told him about the conversation I had with Sara after he sent me the €50 for the hospital. He said he’d call me back but he hasn’t.
A cousin of mine sent me a message a few hours ago saying I was a b*&ch for meddling in their marriage, and that Dave didn’t owe me anything. I was like ???? When did I say Dave owed me anything? I have never relied on him for anything, nor do I plan on it.
I mean I feel bad that Dave and Sara are fighting it I can’t help, but feel weirded out that Sara did that behind his back and he had no clue. I’ve been extremely anxious and I can’t stop shaking. AITA?
The OP quickly provided an update on their personal profile.
Again, I hope this reaches some of you lol. So my middle brother called me yesterday and asked me to explain what’s been going on and I did. He’s always had quite the temper and got very angry about the Sara situation.
He mentioned how Dave is paying the rent for Sara’s 22 year old brother’s apartment, so for Sara to ask me not to ask Dave for anything at all was so messed up when her own brother is getting his rent paid every single month by Dave. Tbh this made me mad. It’s ok for Dave to support her brother but God forbid he sends me €50 for an emergency right?
Anyway, Dave called me and we had a heart to heart conversation. I explained to him what I’ve been going through here and he was silent for a while. I did mention that if I was in urgent need of something, I still had my other two brothers to ask so it really wasn’t that terrible.
He said he feels so guilty that I was suffering and he didn’t know. He said he won’t tell me the details about his discussion with his wife but he was heartbroken that she would even think of telling me not to rely on him, and has asked her to give me an apology which she said she did, but at the time of the call I hadn’t received anything.
I said I haven’t gotten an apology from her and he told me to check my messages again, still nothing. He was silent for a while and just sighed. I also mentioned the text my cousin sent which he asked me to forward to him. He said he felt so bad that people so much older than me were treating me like this and he will deal with it so it never happens again. That was this morning.
I got a message from Sara 10 minutes ago. Not sure how that’s meant to be an apology but to summarize, she said “I’m sorry if you took what I said as you can’t ever rely on your brother. He’s your brother and I would never intentionally try to make you feel like he couldn’t do anything for you. I’m also hurt that you couldn’t speak to me if you had a problem with it. We could’ve solved this as sisters”.
Now wtf am I meant to say to that? I know she’ll make time the villain if I don’t respond but honestly what on earth is that?
The net day, the OP provided a new update:
Ladies and gentlemen, s$*t might just hit the fan for real this time 💀 So I mentioned this in a few comments but for those that haven’t seen it, Sara has this “secret” twitter account that I follow her through a burner account. It doesn’t have her picture or name but I know it’s her because my cousin @‘d that account on Sara’s birthday saying happy birthday.
Even with what she tweets, yeah I could tell it was her. Anyway she replied to a tweet of a woman who tweeted about how she has no in-laws because her husband is an orphan with no siblings and this b*tch Sara replied saying “goals 😫”. Like ???????
I don’t understand how you could love your partner and wish they had no family unless the family were genuinely toxic or something idk. But this was a step too far imo. She can dislike us all she wants but tweeting this weird sh*t is sooooo childish and petty to me. You wish your man had no family because of an incident over €50? Someone get this lady some help.
Anyway I sent it to my other two brothers (not Dave) and one of them forwarded it to him. Long story short, Dave was staying with my other brother for a few days after that day, and now he’s moved back into his house but Sara is back in her home town.
I haven’t spoken to Dave about it because I’m sure he’s going through it, and he isn’t the type to speak about his marital issues to me so he wouldn’t give me the tea anyway, but things do not look great.
Not sure if this is relevant but my other brother told me about an incident where Dave and Sara had a sort of small argument months ago at the dinner table because Sara was making fun of an old man she saw at the supermarket who was buying pads. She said she can’t believe a woman in his life would embarrass him like that.
Dave said it’s not embarrassing and no one cares about men buying pads anymore. He mentioned that him and my other two brothers have done it for me multiple times. She then said something along the lines of “you guys are going to make her incapable of doing anything for herself if you carry on like that”.
My other brother said “she’s our little sister, we’re meant to do things for her. And no one cares about periods and pads except you”. Dave said something to shut that whole conversation down but she wasn’t too happy about it and was silent the rest of the night. I’m not sure why she gets so annoyed when they do anything for me.
This admittedly sounded like it was going to be the end of the saga, but a little over a month later, the OP returned.
sigh Hello everyone, we meet again 🤣 This will probably be the last update (at least I hope). So Dave and Sara are officially separated. He asked her to leave his home and said he’d rent her an apartment wherever she wants till they’re officially divorced, after which point she can start paying it herself.
Dave said he needed to speak to me about something important and FaceTimed me. Our family has a sort of tradition where families and friends buy a newborn baby gold jewelry so they can sell when they need to as adults. Kind of as financial insurance for the baby since gold won’t lose its value.
Many people in my family have used it to pay for university, their weddings, etc. My mum is a deadbeat and my dad is dead so Dave has been keeping all the gold that was passed on to me. Anyway he said he created a hole in the concrete of his house and stashed it, along with some other valuables. Don’t ask me why he did that, I’m confused too lol.
Sara stole about half the stuff that was in it. He found out because the hole was in the closet of his bedroom. The hole was underneath the half of the closet that Sara’s clothes were covering. When Sara had moved out and there were no clothes to cover every inch of her side of the closet, he realized the tiles that covered the hole were not fixed into place and looked very messy.
Like it was obvious he hadn’t left it like that himself. He called some guys to come drill the hole so he can make sure everything was inside and he saw that half the stuff were missing. Dave said he hadn’t ever mentioned the hole to Sara so he isn’t sure how she found out.
By the time he got in touch with her, he said he would call the police if she doesn’t return everything. She brought back what she had but admitted she sold some of it (the jewelry that belonged to me).
She said she would pay Dave back in cash for what it was worth but can’t do anything else. She can’t even pay for it if she wanted to. The only money she has is Dave’s money. She claims to be mentally ill and said she’ll check herself into a mental hospital. Dave is trying to sort everything, including their divorce, out with a lawyer.
Dave said said he’ll replace all the jewelry for me and that I shouldn’t worry about that, not that I even was though. There’s no coming back from this for them. That should be that. She turned out so much worse than I thought and I can’t even believe this story myself.
Here were the top comments from readers who followed this whole drama:
literal gold digger
Buying pads and tampons is a sign of a man who is comfortable enough with his level of masculinity to buy things that are “taboo” to some.
I remember my dad buying me shaving equipment and feminine razors and pads and tampons with no issues. As a matter of fact he started using my razor because he could use it easier in his hand. He suffered nerve damage in it when he took shrapnel during Vietnam.
During post-partum, I had to ask my husband to buy me some pads because I was in no condition to leave the house. I actually apologized to him and said it must. e embarrassing to buy pads. He said, “I’m just taking care of my family, what’s embarrassing about that?” 🥹
Jesus, can't even begin to understand Sara's train of thought. Also Pads and Tampons are actually really good first aid instruments in a pinch. Pads are an effective alternative for gauze since it's really absorbent and Tampons are weirdly perfect for dealing with nosebleeds.
It's a good thing Dave didn't have children with Sara. And that his sister trusted him to be there for her and have her back, because it got him out of that marriage.