Introvert twin refuses to share birthday, tells mom she ruined everything. AITA?
Happy Birthday to two.
Twins often get lumped together and can feel like they are considered to be basically one person. It can be frustrating to feel seen as an individual. One twin says she and her sister could not be more opposite. In fact, she doesn't particularly care for her. Her sister is incredibly outgoing and she herself is very introverted. She says she doesn't even have friends that aren't online. So, for her 21st birthday, she was excited to have the day to herself. Her mom decided that was unacceptable.
AITA for being upset that my twin is coming home for our birthday?
I (20F) am turning 21 in a bit over a week, my twin (20F) lives in a different state for uni, she's much more extroverted and social then I am.
I struggle with her as she's always overshadowed me in everything, and all of our birthdays have felt like it was a party for her and I was tacked on as an afterthought. She feels a constant need to push my boundaries and force herself in everything.
I'm autistic and hate this, she's loud, she complains, she's demands everything to be done her way and its awful, especially around birthdays. She's also said and done awful things to me which she refuses to even acknowledge or apologize for.
This year, my mum said she was going to stay in uni for her birthday and celebrate with her friends. I was so happy, for the first time in my life, at 21 years, I was finally getting a birthday to myself.
Until today, when my dad decided she should come up because she would be upset that she was spending her 21st away from family. My mum started organizing a plane trip for her and I just felt betrayed and hurt.
She knew how happy I was to have a birthday to myself, and she's bringing my twin up anyway, even though she said she wasn't.
I brought it up to my mum how it felt like a slap in the face and she told me that its her 21st and I should be more understanding but I'm just angry because she's ruined every birthday for me and made me feel miserable every time and I finally thought I'd have a birthday that didn't end in me crying in my room, but nope.
Same old sh*t as usual. Mum got annoyed that I was telling her to 'ignore' my twin but she already had a party/get-together type thing planned with her friends so it wasn't like she was going to be alone. AITA?
Edit: I should clarify, to all the people saying I should hang out with my own friends, I don't have any, not irl anyway, so I really only have my family to celebrate with me.
Here are the top comments from readers:
NAH here - your parents have two daughters that are having birthday, not just one. Your relationship between your and your sister is not okay, but you pushing your parents to act as if they don't have another child is not okay either.
NTA, as @atealein says your parents have 2 daughters and it's completely understandable that they would want to share this milestone with you both. Equally your feelings are justified because these are your experiences and no one should invalidate them.
Being on the spectrum is not easy and I'm shocked at all those replying saying go out with friends when you have stated you do not have any. Have they no reading or comprehension skills?
Is it possible to ask for a compromise? I.e quiet lunch, tea with your sister and parents and the party/get together is held elsewhere or perhaps if that is not viable and the party takes place in your household your parents treat you to a break away at a place you would love which will be peaceful? This way you both get what you want.
Have a wonderful birthday and don't overthink it! 🙂
I have two sets of identical twin sons, and thanks for posting this.
No judgement - Twin here (57f). I get feeling like nothing is your own but: You cannot expect your parents to feel that way. They have 2 kids. As you become older and more independent of your family, you will have lots of birthdays with the people you chose to celebrate with.
You need to work through your feeling with your sister. Is there a difference in the way you’re treated or are you perceiving it that way? Only you can answer that. The downside of being a twin is being treated as if you’re a package deal and not individually. That also changes as you become more independent.
Don’t despair, enjoy your 21st and know that things will change soon enough. Happy birthday.
Hi OP! I saw you said that you don’t have any friends locally/‘in real life,’ so it must be really frustrating to get a lot of advice saying to go out with friends. Since that sounds not possible, I highly recommend a virtual party with your online friend(s). I’ve had online friends since I was in middle school, and I’ve had some of the best virtual celebrations with them.
This could look like something low key, like watching something all at the same time and messaging each other, getting on a big Zoom and playing a game (one year we did Scattergories but specifically topics related to the birthday person), and that was really fun!
I know it feels like a bummer to have your plans squashed and feel unheard by your parents. There are still ways to make your birthday special. NAH